Poor old Newton Heath has a bad reputation for crime and anti-social behaviour.
Despite being the birthplace of Manchester United and Kevin Webster from Corrie, and boasting such local landmarks as the Manchester Abattoir, people are always quick to focus on the negatives.
I’ve never actually lived there myself, but one person who does, or did, has written an incredibly scathing review, which starts with the immortal words: “Newton Heath, put simply, is the arse-end of the world.”
It doesn’t get better from there, with the reviewer saying that while Britain is full of ‘piss-stained, beer-soaked swillings of towns’, there is no bigger blight on the UK than Newton Heath.
According to them:
Newton Heath boasts a great many beer-swilling joints, namely the Railway, Culcheth Gates and several on Church Street itself. Each one is as grotty as the last, and each one is run by a fat old woman who sleeps with a baseball bat at the side of her bed every night… The locals of Newton Heath couldn’t be friendlier. Swarming with ‘Trespass’ black-waterproof tracksuit clad thugs; I wouldn’t bother asking for directions if you’re unfortunate enough to get lost.
They go on to say the three main high schools have a local rivalry - ‘the Girls School, the Boys School and St Matthews High School’, before adding: “The Boys School frequently beat up the Girls, and St Matthew frequently get beaten up by both.”
Apparently ‘the 677 school bus is the stuff of nightmares’, and places like Brookdale Park and Scotland Hall Road are ‘no-go areas unless you drive an armoured vehicle’.
@MCRMetrolink our cannabis smoking friend is still here smoking on the platform at Newton heath and Moston. I report this regularly yet nothing has been done.— Elaine Roscoe (@ElaineRoscoe1) August 9, 2019
And when it comes to cars in Newton Heath, their advice is to be careful as your vehicle ‘will get broken into’.
Describing the upbringing of youngsters in the area, the review states:
All children in Newton Heath are brought up on a diet of chippy teas, weed and Carlsberg, the latter two of which can be bought from California Wines on Culcheth Lane.