When it comes to ranking the worst town in England, you’ve got a lot to choose from.
And that’s exactly what the good people over at ilivehere.co.uk have done, asking their audience to vote for the worst places to live in our glorious, shithole-infested country.
The results didn’t disappoint, with almost 50,000 people voting for the top 10 ‘crap towns’ to live in for 2019 - and even a few Greater Manchester spots made the list.
Here’s the top 10 in full:
Coming in at number 10, and falling one place since 2018, is Lancashire’s very own Blackburn. People didn’t hold back when describing the town, with one saying: “[the] estates make Syria look calm, you can guarantee if you dare to walk down these downtrodden dogshit ridden estates (mind the needles), you will almost certainly spot the inhabitants walking freely in dressing gowns, fluffy slippers, undoubtedly pregnant, with a fag in their gob going to pick up another free prescription from the overly used clap clinic.”
Greater Manchester’s very own Oldham made a triumphant return to the top 10, with one contributor describing it thus: “I think Oldham was best summed up by a friend of mine who upon a visit to this fair town one day, remarked that the people of Oldham look as though the government has been performing nuclear testing in the area.”
The small West Yorkshire town crept in to the list last year, and now it’s back once again. Here’s what one resident had to say: “In a town where everybody is a blood relative of the person next to them, you have to wonder whether the essence of chavdom stems from bad breeding, or in the case of Castleford, possible interbreeding.”
The popular seaside destination has once again retained its number seven spot, thanks to the drunken stags and hens who frequent the town, vomiting their way around grotty back alleys. As one local put it: “The best thing about Blackpool is the M55 out”.
South Yorkshire’s Rotherham heads in at number six, with one former resident revealing why they moved away from the town: “After a year of reading headlines in the Rotherham Advertiser like ‘Chip Pan Fire Guts House’, ‘Body found outside Takeaway’ and ‘Asbo Grandad at it again’ I decided I somehow didn’t fit in and moved away.”
Hull retains its reputation as a proper shithole by coming in fifth, having made the top 10 every year since 2005 and winning the coveted title three times in the process. As one contributor said: “Just spend 10 minutes stood outside the Maternity Unit at Hull Royal Infirmary. Watch in amazement as 15 year old Courtney shouts at her 3 kids to ‘fooking get back ‘ere or I’ll fooking bray yer’ as she chain smokes her 3rd fag before re-entering the building to spit out another no-dad”.
After threatening to make the top ten for years, Donny has finally broken through, landing a very respectable fourth spot. This local dragged some other top 10 entries into the mix to slag the Yorkshire town off, writing: “Ahhh Doncaster, that shit-hole surrounded by other shit-holes such as Hull, Barnsley, Pontefract, Scunthorpe and Rotherham.”
Another Greater Manchester entry, Rochdale, which has slowly clawed its way up to third place, winning a bronze medal in the process. Whoever wrote this didn’t think much of the inhabitants: “Welcome to the cesspit of the universe, where evolution took a break and spat out this breed of useless slack-jawed yokels with less IQ than a glass of water”.
Last year’s king of the crap town, Huddersfield, has been knocked off its perch this year, losing out by just 107 votes. According to one local: “There’s nothing but pound shops and a few coffee shops. It’s polluted, unclean and full of idiots. It’s a horrible place to live,” while another added: “So in short if you like your car windows, teeth, kneecaps etc. then avoid this shithole like you would a man with leprosy! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!”
A surprise entry at number one, Peterborough has been catapulted into the charts for the first time, taking the crown as the biggest dump in England. One local says: “Take a trip into the town centre and it’s like walking onto the set of the Walking dead. Every manner of inbred mutant adorns the streets,” while another added a word of warning to would-be travellers to the area: “One thing to bear in mind, if booking a weekend getaway in Peterborough, it is customary if a stranger holds eye contact with you for more than three seconds, to shout “WHAT”??? and become extremely aggressive.”
Where do you think should have made the list? Let us know in the comments.