Nigel Slater has sent the internet into a right tizz after sharing a recipe for a sweet tart with quite a suggestive shape.
The 67-year-old food writer posted instructions for a custard and poached quince tart, alongside a picture of the pink pastry.
Nigel clearly spent a lot of time perfecting the recipe, but what he maybe didn’t do was think about his photography properly. Or, maybe he knew exactly what he was doing.
Because within minutes of sharing his quince custard tart recipe, the comment section was flooded with similar observations.
There’s no denying it – those soft folds of pink stewed fruit look an awful lot like a vulva…
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One person joked that the tart looked like it would have a ‘nice vulvatey texture’ while another said it was ‘Shameless clitbait’.
Nigel’s caption read: “Not something to hurry, but a pleasurable way to spend a quiet afternoon in the kitchen and worth every minute of your time.
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“The quinces need to be cooked until completely soft then left to cool in their syrup which is then boiled down for the glaze. You could make them with apples should quinces prove evasive.”
But his followers were so distracted by the NSFW image that they couldn’t resist bombarding him with jokes.
Nigel Slater’s accidentally rude tart recipe. Credit: Instagram
One person wrote: “Is it my dirty mind or….*checks comments* nope, we are all filth bags together.”
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Another said: “Broke my neck running to the comments.”
Someone else posted: “Nige, I’m going to put it down to your being a sweet gay man that you have no idea what you’ve posted. Merry Christmas.”
And someone else passed on season’s greetings, saying: “Merry Clitmas, one and all.”
Another festive joker said: “Feliz Fannydad! (Thanks for making my crimbz, Nigel!)”
And on X, formerly known as Twitter, one user shared: “Nigella: ‘No one does sexy Christmas like me.’ Nigel: ‘See my beer? Will you hold it?'”
Nigel Slater has since posted a follow-up to the erotic quince tart, writing: “Gracious me, thank you for all your likes and comments on my last post. Some absolute gems there.
“A very low-key Christmas here this year, so here is a picture of my tree in 2022 (probably my favourite ever) to wish you a very, very happy and peaceful Christmas and to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone for following and for all your messages over the year.
Aldi confirms ‘special’ 62-hour closure of all its 1,000+ stores across UK
Emily Sergeant
Aldi has announced that it’ll, once again, be closing the doors of all of its stores across the UK for 62 hours this year.
Christmas is always known to be one of the busiest periods of the year for the retail industry, and Boxing Day has a reputation for being the ultimate day for shopping deals and discounts in the UK – but this year, just like it has done on several years in the past, Aldi has made the decision to close all of its stores nationwide on this bank holiday.
The supermarket retailer says it wants to thank its colleagues ‘for all their hard work’ throughout the year by giving them some extra time to spend with their families.
This means that all Aldi stores will be closed on both 25 and 26 December.
That’s not all though, as stores will also be closed on New Year’s Day, and will reopen once again on Saturday 2 January 2027.
Aldi has announced a ‘special’ 62-hour closure of all its UK stores / Credit: Aldi UK
Opening hours at different Aldi stores across the UK will vary in the lead-up to Christmas, so it’s important to check the times for your local store, but the retailer has confirmed that most branches will be operating extended hours to ‘ensure customers can stock up ahead of the big day’
In the interim period between Christmas and New Year, stores will reopen as usual on Sunday 27 through to Wednesday 30 December, with reduced hours also likely on Sunday and New Year’s Eve.
Speaking on the decision to shut up shop for a full 62-hour period this festive season, Rachel Geary, who is the Communications Director at Aldi UK, said: “Christmas is a special time for our customers, but it is also one of the busiest periods of the year for our teams.
“Our colleagues work incredibly hard to ensure customers can pick up everything they need ahead of the big day.
“We never take that effort for granted. Closing our stores on Boxing Day is one way of saying thank you and giving colleagues a proper chance to rest, switch off and spend more time with the people closest to them.”
Featured Image – Aldi UK
Christmas
A TV channel playing Christmas films 24/7 is now back on air in the UK
Emily Sergeant
Do you think it’s too early for the ‘C word’? Never mind, you’ve already clicked on this article.
Sure, we may only be into our second full week of September, but given the fact the weather these past couple of days hasn’t exactly screamed summer, it already feels like the festive season is around the corner – but whether or not you think it’s too early to be talking about Christmas, it’ll soon be too tricky to escape from.
Especially not when the famous TV channel showing festive film favourites non-stop is now back on air in the UK.
Yes, you heard that right – Christmas films, 24-hours a day, seven days a week.
If you’re ready to wave goodbye to summer, and in welcome autumn and winter with open arms, then there’s arguably no better way of getting into the festive spirit than with the long-awaited and highly-anticipated return of the TV channel that’s charmed audiences for over half a decade now.
GREAT! Christmas the UK’s biggest seasonal channel, and it’s now live on Sky, Freesat, Freeview and Virgin Media.
You can expect almost four months of back-to-back seasonal movies.
The 24-hour feel-good and free-to-air channel will be bursting with non-stop Christmas spirit, and will be showing a heartwarming lineup of festive films – including some absolute fan-favourite classics that make it to screens every year without fail, alongside some cheesy Hallmark classics, new channel premieres, and so much more.
Daisy Jackson -
18th December 2023 
