Nigel Slater has sent the internet into a right tizz after sharing a recipe for a sweet tart with quite a suggestive shape.
The 67-year-old food writer posted instructions for a custard and poached quince tart, alongside a picture of the pink pastry.
Nigel clearly spent a lot of time perfecting the recipe, but what he maybe didn’t do was think about his photography properly. Or, maybe he knew exactly what he was doing.
Because within minutes of sharing his quince custard tart recipe, the comment section was flooded with similar observations.
There’s no denying it – those soft folds of pink stewed fruit look an awful lot like a vulva…
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One person joked that the tart looked like it would have a ‘nice vulvatey texture’ while another said it was ‘Shameless clitbait’.
Nigel’s caption read: “Not something to hurry, but a pleasurable way to spend a quiet afternoon in the kitchen and worth every minute of your time.
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“The quinces need to be cooked until completely soft then left to cool in their syrup which is then boiled down for the glaze. You could make them with apples should quinces prove evasive.”
But his followers were so distracted by the NSFW image that they couldn’t resist bombarding him with jokes.
Nigel Slater’s accidentally rude tart recipe. Credit: Instagram
One person wrote: “Is it my dirty mind or….*checks comments* nope, we are all filth bags together.”
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Another said: “Broke my neck running to the comments.”
Someone else posted: “Nige, I’m going to put it down to your being a sweet gay man that you have no idea what you’ve posted. Merry Christmas.”
And someone else passed on season’s greetings, saying: “Merry Clitmas, one and all.”
Another festive joker said: “Feliz Fannydad! (Thanks for making my crimbz, Nigel!)”
And on X, formerly known as Twitter, one user shared: “Nigella: ‘No one does sexy Christmas like me.’ Nigel: ‘See my beer? Will you hold it?'”
Nigel Slater has since posted a follow-up to the erotic quince tart, writing: “Gracious me, thank you for all your likes and comments on my last post. Some absolute gems there.
“A very low-key Christmas here this year, so here is a picture of my tree in 2022 (probably my favourite ever) to wish you a very, very happy and peaceful Christmas and to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone for following and for all your messages over the year.
The best light trails around Greater Manchester to explore this winter
Daisy Jackson
Well done Manchester, we’ve finally done it – with the amount of light trails illuminating our skyline this winter, you might be able to see us from space.
Who doesn’t love a light trail? The incredible views that brighten up the dreary winter nights, the synchronised wows as we gaze at the statues and figures along the way, or the hot chocolate waiting for you at the end that greets you like a warm hug.
That’s why we’ve rounded up some of the best light trails around Greater Manchester for you to explore this winter.
The 10 best Christmas light trails in and around Manchester 2024
1. Yuletide – Tatton Park
A festive event with a difference is taking over Tatton Park this winter, bringing folklore stories to life with illuminated puppets, live music and storytelling.
The latest seasonal event from Wild Rumpus, ‘Yuletide’ will captivate families as they explore the stunning illuminated landscape.
Organisers say the captivating event promises to be a ‘truly magical experience’.
We’ve found a light trail with a difference for you to explore this winter – a magical world of glowing lanterns has taken over Gulliver’s World, and it’s a brand-new installation for 2024.
‘Land of Lights’ is a one-mile trail that showcases a huge array of lanterns and displays, with loads of nature-inspired enchanting realms to explore from Fantasy Forest, Ice Kingdom and Winged Wonders.
Plus you can treat yourself to a hot chocolate or toast some marshmallows on your way round, and then fill yourself up with Yorkshire pudding wraps and crumble at the end.
The Trafford Centre‘s hidden woodland has been transformed into a festive wonderland, with stunning light displays, Santa’s sleigh and, of course, mulled wine at the ready for the adults.
There are even free marshmallow toasting and letter-writing stations for the kids to get their Christmas lists ready.
Then there’s food from Freight Island’s traders, including premium smashed burgers from a Michelin chef, southern fried buttermilk chicken, cheese toasties and more. Plus, kids eat free for ticket holders when buying an adult meal.
Dates: On now until 2 January
Tickets: £8 for children, £10 for adults, £32 for families
Ignite Fire Festival is back in Rochdale this month. (Credit: Supplied)
Goblets of fire, a daisy chain of flaming flowers, a firebird with blazing eyes and even fire eaters – it could only be the return of ‘Ignite Fire Festival’.
Rochdale will be looking extra glowy next week when the free event by Walk the Plank arts group fills the gardens opposite @rochdaletownhall with dazzling pyrotechnic displays.
There’ll be three nights of fiery displays, culminating in the annual Christmas lights switch-on.
A new festive light maze is heading to Cheshire for the first time this December. (Credit: Supplied)
There’s a brand-new festive light maze heading to Cheshire this Christmas, and it sounds absolutely a-maze-ing (so, so sorry).
‘A World of Illumination’ will feature giant candy canes, tunnels of light, and an overhead laser show all hidden inside a festive maze. There’s much more than meets the eye with this light trail and
And the eagle-eyed amongst you can look out for hidden handles and buttons which lead to secret rooms and festive treasures.
Arguably the toast of Cheshire’s light trail offerings. (Credit: Supplied)
This National Trust site is one of the founding godfathers when it comes to light trails and has been consistent ever since they first lit up the iconic house and its gardens.
Whether your favourite part is the lit-up moat, the array of bright figures and statues, or toasting a marshmallow, Dunham Massey has got you covered.
Being an important hub for wildlife, each ticket sold helps with the conservation and care of this UK historical landmark.
Running for four nights only in December, the festival aptly named after what your Mum shouts five times a day is back in Bolton town centre.
This festival prides itself on bringing experiences to all and this year visitors get to admire ‘Gaia’.
This six-metre-wide illuminated Earth replica will be on display throughout the festival’s duration, and is a direct detail comparison of the imagery NASA utilises. Wow!
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Dates: 5-8 December
Tickets: Free
Bookings: No tickets required
10. Lightwaves Salford – MediaCityUK
This Salford special has stood as one of the most beloved light trails in Manchester for some time now.
Spread across two kilometres and branded as ‘MediaCity‘s winter season highlight’, this experience features 14 different art installations that are set to be awe-inspiring.
One of the most engaging pieces, ‘I Caught a…’, will change throughout the night with a varying display of animals pictured in a cage.
Originally commissioned in 2021, ‘Through No 4’ will receive a glow-up with some innovative lights helping to really enhance this pretty little project located along Salford Quays.
Chatsworth House – The Peak District stately home that’s been transformed into a Christmas wonderland
Daisy Jackson
Chatsworth House is one of the great gems of the UK, and now that winter is rolling around this stately home in the Peak District has been made even more magical.
For this year’s festive transformation, the grand manor house has been filled with twinkling lights, enormous Christmas trees, and light projections.
Around every corner you’ll find another magnificent hall or corridor dressed up to the nines for the season.
There are more than 20 different rooms that you can explore at Chatsworth House this Christmas, and you’ll feel a million miles away from the city.
The house even SMELLS like Christmas, with Chatsworth collaborating with fragrance experts creating scents like chocolate, gingerbread, and the smells of a kitchen on Christmas Day.
There’s even a Christmas Market in the grounds, with more than 100 exhibitors offering themed gifts, food and drink – you can even toast marshmallows or grab a bratwurst.
Chatsworth House at Christmas. Credit: The SheffThe banquet at Chatsworth House. Credit: The SheffEvery corner is magical. Credit: The Sheff
This year, the Christmas event has been themed around an original new story written exclusively for Chatsworth House by former children’s laureate, Joseph Coelho OBE.
Henry and the Lion’s Christmas Feast is inspired by the house itself and the life of Henry Cavendish, and follows young Henry and his accomplice, a little lion (inspired by the statues in the Sculpture Gallery).
You’ll spot the book’s illustrations in the scenery and decorations all around Chatsworth House, and see a banquet laid out in the Great Dining Room.
Other events this season will include pop-up theatres, and an illuminated light trail embracing its best-loved garden landmarks.
Chatsworth House at Christmas. Credit: The SheffChatsworth House Christmas Markets. Credit: The SheffChatsworth House at Christmas. Credit: The Sheff
Joseph Coelho, author of ‘Henry and the Lion’s Christmas Feast’ said: “It was such a wonderful challenge to be invited to write a new book that would inspire the Christmas decorations at Chatsworth this year.
“I was really captivated by the life of Henry Cavendish and his amazing scientific experiments, and I got great ideas from visiting the house and grounds, especially going through the Sculpture Gallery when I saw the two great lions. I thought how interesting it would be to put the Chatsworth lion and Henry Cavendish face to face and give them a little adventure together.
“I hope that visitors come to Chatsworth and, seeing the decorations, are inspired by all the Christmassy mischief that Henry and the lion get up to and leave with that excited bubbly feeling you get when you know that Christmas is around the corner.”
If anything is going to get you in the festive spirit, it’s a wander around Chatsworth House.
Daisy Jackson -
18th December 2023 
