Nigel Slater has sent the internet into a right tizz after sharing a recipe for a sweet tart with quite a suggestive shape.
The 67-year-old food writer posted instructions for a custard and poached quince tart, alongside a picture of the pink pastry.
Nigel clearly spent a lot of time perfecting the recipe, but what he maybe didn’t do was think about his photography properly. Or, maybe he knew exactly what he was doing.
Because within minutes of sharing his quince custard tart recipe, the comment section was flooded with similar observations.
There’s no denying it – those soft folds of pink stewed fruit look an awful lot like a vulva…
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One person joked that the tart looked like it would have a ‘nice vulvatey texture’ while another said it was ‘Shameless clitbait’.
Nigel’s caption read: “Not something to hurry, but a pleasurable way to spend a quiet afternoon in the kitchen and worth every minute of your time.
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“The quinces need to be cooked until completely soft then left to cool in their syrup which is then boiled down for the glaze. You could make them with apples should quinces prove evasive.”
But his followers were so distracted by the NSFW image that they couldn’t resist bombarding him with jokes.
Nigel Slater’s accidentally rude tart recipe. Credit: Instagram
One person wrote: “Is it my dirty mind or….*checks comments* nope, we are all filth bags together.”
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Another said: “Broke my neck running to the comments.”
Someone else posted: “Nige, I’m going to put it down to your being a sweet gay man that you have no idea what you’ve posted. Merry Christmas.”
And someone else passed on season’s greetings, saying: “Merry Clitmas, one and all.”
Another festive joker said: “Feliz Fannydad! (Thanks for making my crimbz, Nigel!)”
And on X, formerly known as Twitter, one user shared: “Nigella: ‘No one does sexy Christmas like me.’ Nigel: ‘See my beer? Will you hold it?'”
Nigel Slater has since posted a follow-up to the erotic quince tart, writing: “Gracious me, thank you for all your likes and comments on my last post. Some absolute gems there.
“A very low-key Christmas here this year, so here is a picture of my tree in 2022 (probably my favourite ever) to wish you a very, very happy and peaceful Christmas and to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone for following and for all your messages over the year.
A big Christmas sing-along concert with Alexander Armstrong and Aled Jones is coming to Manchester
Emily Sergeant
We know it’s only April, but brace yourselves… we’re about to talk about Christmas.
You are reading today’s date correctly, but whether you can believe it or not, this isn’t an April Fool, as it’s time to get ready to lift your voices and celebrate the festive season because The Big Christmas Sing-a-Long starring much-loved performers and presenters, Aled Jones and Alexander Armstrong, is heading out on its debut UK tour later this year.
This heartwarming live experience is promising to be an ‘unforgettable’ evening of music, laughter, and Christmas cheer.
Performing in some of the most beautiful cathedrals and venues across the UK, when the concert arrives in Manchester in late November, it’ll be taking over the stunning Manchester Monastery.
On the night, Aled Jones – who is one of the UK’s most iconic voices – will perform some beloved highlights, including his signature rendition of ‘Walking in the Air’, alongside a selection of classic festive carols, and joining him on stage will be Alexander Armstrong, whose rich vocals and natural charm will bring ‘humour, warmth, and festive sparkle’ to every performance.
It may be Aled and Alexander’s show, but audiences are also being told to expect some special surprises along the way too.
As this is a sing-along event, audiences will be invited to put on their favourite Christmas jumper and join in with a joyful mix of traditional Christmas carols and modern festive favourites.
The Big Christmas Sing-a-Long – UK Tour Dates 2026
Tuesday 24 November – Llandudno Venue Cymru Theatre
Sunday 29 November – Manchester Monastery
Tuesday 1 December – Glasgow Royal Concert Hall
Wednesday 2 December – Durham Cathedral
Thursday 3 December – Bath Forum
Friday 4 December – Guildford G Live
Wednesday 9 December – Nottingham Royal Concert Hall
Thursday 10 December – Liverpool Philharmonic Hall
Friday 11 December – York Barbican
Sunday 13 December – Edinburgh Queens Hall
Tuesday 15 December – Birmingham Town Hall
Sunday 20 December – Bexhill De La Warr Pavilion
Monday 21 December – London Union Chapel
The tour kicks off in Llandudno on 24 November and wraps up in London on 21 December – with a stop off here in Manchester on Sunday 29 November.
The Big Christmas Sing-a-Long is coming to Manchester Monastery on Sunday 29 November, and is expected to capture the true spirit of Christmas, offering a magical evening filled of festive cheer and uplifting songs that everyone can join in with.
Tickets go on general sale tomorrow (Thursday 2 April) at 9:30am, and you can get your hands on them when they go live here.
Featured Image – Supplied
Christmas
Massive festive event dubbed the ‘Glastonbury of Christmas’ is returning to the North West
Daisy Jackson
The North West’s most extravagant festive event, with everything from a frozen skating pond to a snow-covered world filled with elves, will return just outside Greater Manchester this winter.
Dubbed the ‘Glastonbury of Christmas’, LaplandUK recreates the home of Father Christmas himself right outside Greater Manchester.
The event was so popular last year, organisers are expecting more than one million people will join the queue for tickets when they go live this week – with tickets expected to sell out in hours.
Families who book tickets for LaplandUK – which range in price from £60 to £195 – will be greeted by hundreds of elves and other performers in a snow-covered landscape.
You’ll be able to visit the Lapland Toy Factory to make a toy for Santa’s sleigh; decorate gingerbead with Mother Christmas in the Lapland Bakery, as well as skating on a frozen pond and travelling through the Whispering Woods.
Every child leaves LaplandUK with a gift from Father Christmas.
The immersive experience takes around four and a half hours from start to finish, but the magic begins way before – ticket-holders are sent personalised invitation boxes (which you can pop in the freezer for extra magic for the kids).
LaplandUK has invested an additional £30m into its Cheshire site, which is the second location after a long-standing residency in Ascot.
Keeping this impressive festive event running are more than 2000 members of staff across the two sites.
It’s drawn in some very high-profile guests, too, with previous visitors including the Prince and Princess of Wales, Sir Elton John, and the Beckhams.
The Lapland experience is based on eight best-selling books, written by founders Mike and Alison Battle.
LaplandUK will run from 7 November to 24 December 2026, with tickets ranging from £60 to £195.
Tickets for LaplandUK Manchester go on sale from 10am on Friday 27 March HERE, with the waiting room open from 9am.
Daisy Jackson -
18th December 2023 
