Nigel Slater has sent the internet into a right tizz after sharing a recipe for a sweet tart with quite a suggestive shape.
The 67-year-old food writer posted instructions for a custard and poached quince tart, alongside a picture of the pink pastry.
Nigel clearly spent a lot of time perfecting the recipe, but what he maybe didn’t do was think about his photography properly. Or, maybe he knew exactly what he was doing.
Because within minutes of sharing his quince custard tart recipe, the comment section was flooded with similar observations.
There’s no denying it – those soft folds of pink stewed fruit look an awful lot like a vulva…
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One person joked that the tart looked like it would have a ‘nice vulvatey texture’ while another said it was ‘Shameless clitbait’.
Nigel’s caption read: “Not something to hurry, but a pleasurable way to spend a quiet afternoon in the kitchen and worth every minute of your time.
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“The quinces need to be cooked until completely soft then left to cool in their syrup which is then boiled down for the glaze. You could make them with apples should quinces prove evasive.”
But his followers were so distracted by the NSFW image that they couldn’t resist bombarding him with jokes.
Nigel Slater’s accidentally rude tart recipe. Credit: Instagram
One person wrote: “Is it my dirty mind or….*checks comments* nope, we are all filth bags together.”
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Another said: “Broke my neck running to the comments.”
Someone else posted: “Nige, I’m going to put it down to your being a sweet gay man that you have no idea what you’ve posted. Merry Christmas.”
And someone else passed on season’s greetings, saying: “Merry Clitmas, one and all.”
Another festive joker said: “Feliz Fannydad! (Thanks for making my crimbz, Nigel!)”
And on X, formerly known as Twitter, one user shared: “Nigella: ‘No one does sexy Christmas like me.’ Nigel: ‘See my beer? Will you hold it?'”
Nigel Slater has since posted a follow-up to the erotic quince tart, writing: “Gracious me, thank you for all your likes and comments on my last post. Some absolute gems there.
“A very low-key Christmas here this year, so here is a picture of my tree in 2022 (probably my favourite ever) to wish you a very, very happy and peaceful Christmas and to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone for following and for all your messages over the year.
Home Bargains has announced a special two-day closure of all UK stores
Emily Sergeant
Home Bargains has, once again, announced it’ll be closing all its UK stores on both Boxing Day and New Year’s Day this year.
And it’s to make sure staff get a ‘well deserved break’.
After what has been yet another busy year for the retail industry, many workers have been left feeling like they could do with a little extra time off, which is why Home Bargains is following on with what has become a now-annual tradition by shutting up shop on two bank holidays.
All of our stores will be closing for Boxing Day & New Years Day.
Announcing the move in a post on social media, the discount retailer confirmed: “All of our stores will be closing for Boxing Day and New Years Day. We would like to thank all our colleagues for how hard you have worked this past year, and want you to relax and enjoy the Christmas break with your loved ones.”
Of course, this isn’t the first time the retailer has kept its doors shut on bank holidays.
Many shoppers will recall it has made the same decision to give hardworking staff a break every year since 2019.
Explaining a little more about the decision taken to close all its stores, Home Bargains said: “As a family-run business, we know the importance of being together at Christmas with those we care about most, now more than ever.
“This is our way of saying thank you to our colleagues for their continued hard work and dedication.”
Featured Image – Geograph
Christmas
Manchester’s tackiest Christmas bar is returning for the first time in three years
Daisy Jackson
One of the most popular Christmas bars in Manchester is making a grand return after a three-year hiatus – and when we describe it as ‘tacky’, we mean that as the highest compliment.
Miracle on Cross Street is a pop-up festive bar that always used to use wrapping paper as wallpaper and cover every inch of the space in some sort of tinsel, bauble, or novelty celebrity portrait.
It was last seen in the city in 2023, but has announced a grand return for this winter, promising a more ‘refined experience’.
Guests can expect twinkling lights, festive spirit, and plenty of seasons greetings, tucked away beneath Salt Dog Slims on Cross Street.
The space will be packed with festive decor and seasonal drinks, plus plenty of nostalgic Christmas touches.
Tickets will be priced at £20 per person, which will get you a festive drink on arrival and a Christmas goody bag to take home, as well as complimentary mince pies and Quality Street during your visit.
You’ll also be sent on your way with a scratch card, which will reveal surprises and rewards (like free shots and hot dogs, or a chance to win £500) to enjoy upstairs in Salt Dog Slims.
Miracle on Cross Street will also offer a glimpse of what is to come from MDNT, the late-night bar usually found beneath Salt Dog Slims, ahead of its return in the new year.
Miracle on Cross Street, a Christmas bar in Manchester, is returning. Credit: The Manc Group
Michael Wood, Head of Bar Operations for Miracle on Cross Street said: “We’re incredibly excited to bring Miracle on Cross Street back to Manchester.
“It has been three years since we last opened the doors and, while guests can expect the same sense of fun, escapism and Christmas spirit, we’ve refined the experience and added some special new touches for 2026.
“Christmas in Manchester is always brilliant, and we want Miracle on Cross Street to be somewhere people can step away from the busy city, enjoy a festive drink and completely immerse themselves in the magic of the season.
“Whether it’s a Christmas catch-up, date night or festive celebration with friends, we can’t wait to welcome everyone back.”
The Miracle on Cross Street Christmas bar will return to Manchester on Thursday 19 November, and will be open seven days a week until 23 December. Bookings are now live HERE.
Daisy Jackson -
18th December 2023 
