Nigel Slater has sent the internet into a right tizz after sharing a recipe for a sweet tart with quite a suggestive shape.
The 67-year-old food writer posted instructions for a custard and poached quince tart, alongside a picture of the pink pastry.
Nigel clearly spent a lot of time perfecting the recipe, but what he maybe didn’t do was think about his photography properly. Or, maybe he knew exactly what he was doing.
Because within minutes of sharing his quince custard tart recipe, the comment section was flooded with similar observations.
There’s no denying it – those soft folds of pink stewed fruit look an awful lot like a vulva…
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One person joked that the tart looked like it would have a ‘nice vulvatey texture’ while another said it was ‘Shameless clitbait’.
Nigel’s caption read: “Not something to hurry, but a pleasurable way to spend a quiet afternoon in the kitchen and worth every minute of your time.
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“The quinces need to be cooked until completely soft then left to cool in their syrup which is then boiled down for the glaze. You could make them with apples should quinces prove evasive.”
But his followers were so distracted by the NSFW image that they couldn’t resist bombarding him with jokes.
Nigel Slater’s accidentally rude tart recipe. Credit: Instagram
One person wrote: “Is it my dirty mind or….*checks comments* nope, we are all filth bags together.”
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Another said: “Broke my neck running to the comments.”
Someone else posted: “Nige, I’m going to put it down to your being a sweet gay man that you have no idea what you’ve posted. Merry Christmas.”
And someone else passed on season’s greetings, saying: “Merry Clitmas, one and all.”
Another festive joker said: “Feliz Fannydad! (Thanks for making my crimbz, Nigel!)”
And on X, formerly known as Twitter, one user shared: “Nigella: ‘No one does sexy Christmas like me.’ Nigel: ‘See my beer? Will you hold it?'”
Nigel Slater has since posted a follow-up to the erotic quince tart, writing: “Gracious me, thank you for all your likes and comments on my last post. Some absolute gems there.
“A very low-key Christmas here this year, so here is a picture of my tree in 2022 (probably my favourite ever) to wish you a very, very happy and peaceful Christmas and to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone for following and for all your messages over the year.
Manchester’s largest outdoor ice rink confirmed for a return this festive season with tickets NOW on sale
Emily Sergeant
Manchester’s massive outdoor ice rink has been confirmed for a return to Cathedral Gardens once again this festive season.
Skate Manchester has always been a festive staple of our city centre, and 2026 is set to be absolutely no different.
Families, friends, and festive fun seekers will be able to enjoy the sights and sounds of Christmas whatever the weather has in store, as although the rink will be outdoors in the heart of Cathedral Gardens, the ice is fully covered.
Off the back of a hugely successful 2025 season, there will be a specially curated programme of events this year too, including themed nights, competitions, and inclusive skate sessions designed for an accessible and enjoyable experience for as many people as possible.
And if you’re not too confident on the ice, the rink will also offer a variety of skate sessions that are tailored to meet the needs of all visitors too.
This includes dedicated quiet and toddler sessions to create a more relaxed skating environment.
Discounted tickets and weekly events will also be on offer too, meaning students can skate for just £10 on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings, families can enjoy dedicated Parents & Mini Skater sessions in the same period, and group discounts will also be available for larger bookings.
There will also be £5 Community and school sessions, free skating for children on selected Tuesdays, accessible SEND sessions, and 20% off for Blue Light workers.
Manchester’s largest outdoor ice rink is confirmed for a return this festive season / Credit: Supplied
“Skate Manchester has established itself as the highest Google-rated rink in the UK, located in the heart of Manchester next to the world-renowned Christmas Markets – it’s the perfect way to enjoy a Mancunian Christmas,” commented Rob Derry, who is the Director at Tamarisk Events – the coordinator of Skate Manchester.
Skate Manchester will open to the public from Friday 6 November 2026 until Sunday 3 January 2027, excluding Christmas Day.
From 6 November to 6 December, the rink will be open daily from 11am to 9pm, and then from 7 January onwards, opening hours will extend from 10am to 9pm – with all skating sessions lasting 45 minutes.
Featured Image – Supplied
Christmas
Tesco officially unveils Christmas Meal Deal menu for 2026 and confirms launch date
Emily Sergeant
Tesco has officially unveiled its Christmas Meal Deal menu for 2026, and has revealed when it’ll be arriving in stores.
Spooky season may not have even arrived yet, but it won’t be long before the most wonderful time of the year is here and most of the UK’s major supermarkets have already started stocking their shelves with Christmas food, drink, and gifts galore.
Tesco has now unveiled all the sandwiches and snacks forming part of its iconic lunchtime meal deal selection.
10 new seasonal mains and sides have been launched this year, as well as some classics and returning fan favourites too.
The retailer says its food on-the-go experts have worked hard to bring a variety of festive flavours and great-quality ingredients together this year, with something on offer to cater to all tastes and preferences.
Tesco officially unveils Christmas Meal Deal menu for 2026 / Credit: Tesco
Available in stores and online from next week, with Tesco Clubcard members paying just £3.80 or £5.50 to upgrade to a Premium Meal Deal, some of the all-new main options you can choose from in 2026’s festive lineup include the Fully Loaded Chicken, Stuffing, Braised Red Cabbage & Cranberry Sauce Sandwich, the Christmas Triple Sandwich, and the Pork Meatball Wrap with smoky sage and onion mayonnaise.
Other returning favourites include the Brie and Cranberry Sandwich, the Currywurst Sausage Sub, and the absolute classic Turkey & Trimmings Sandwich.
For veggies and vegans, there’s a new Tesco Plant Chef Christmas Veg Fest Wrap, and for those who follow a gluten free diet, you can grab the Gluten Free Festive Chicken & Trimmings sandwich.
When it comes to snacks to accompany those mains, the festive Mini Pork Pies and Pig in Blanket Sausage Rolls are returning to the lineup this year, alongside some new additions like the Pretzels with Salted Caramel Soft Cheese Dip, and Mini Cheese Twists.
Daisy Jackson -
18th December 2023 
