Nigel Slater has sent the internet into a right tizz after sharing a recipe for a sweet tart with quite a suggestive shape.
The 67-year-old food writer posted instructions for a custard and poached quince tart, alongside a picture of the pink pastry.
Nigel clearly spent a lot of time perfecting the recipe, but what he maybe didn’t do was think about his photography properly. Or, maybe he knew exactly what he was doing.
Because within minutes of sharing his quince custard tart recipe, the comment section was flooded with similar observations.
There’s no denying it – those soft folds of pink stewed fruit look an awful lot like a vulva…
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One person joked that the tart looked like it would have a ‘nice vulvatey texture’ while another said it was ‘Shameless clitbait’.
Nigel’s caption read: “Not something to hurry, but a pleasurable way to spend a quiet afternoon in the kitchen and worth every minute of your time.
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“The quinces need to be cooked until completely soft then left to cool in their syrup which is then boiled down for the glaze. You could make them with apples should quinces prove evasive.”
But his followers were so distracted by the NSFW image that they couldn’t resist bombarding him with jokes.
Nigel Slater’s accidentally rude tart recipe. Credit: Instagram
One person wrote: “Is it my dirty mind or….*checks comments* nope, we are all filth bags together.”
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Another said: “Broke my neck running to the comments.”
Someone else posted: “Nige, I’m going to put it down to your being a sweet gay man that you have no idea what you’ve posted. Merry Christmas.”
And someone else passed on season’s greetings, saying: “Merry Clitmas, one and all.”
Another festive joker said: “Feliz Fannydad! (Thanks for making my crimbz, Nigel!)”
And on X, formerly known as Twitter, one user shared: “Nigella: ‘No one does sexy Christmas like me.’ Nigel: ‘See my beer? Will you hold it?'”
Nigel Slater has since posted a follow-up to the erotic quince tart, writing: “Gracious me, thank you for all your likes and comments on my last post. Some absolute gems there.
“A very low-key Christmas here this year, so here is a picture of my tree in 2022 (probably my favourite ever) to wish you a very, very happy and peaceful Christmas and to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone for following and for all your messages over the year.
Rudy’s toy-swap – You can swap toys for pizza in Manchester this Christmas
Daisy Jackson
You’ll be able to claim a free pizza in exchange for donating a toy to charity this Christmas, with the return of Rudy’s toy-swap initiative.
The popular pizzeria is teaming up again with Cash for Kids, for a community-led toy-swap initiative.
Mancs who take an unwrapped, new toy (worth £10) into any Rudy’s pizzeria will be able to claim a pizza on the house as a thank you.
One toy = one free Neapolitan pizza.
The toys collected in the charity drive will be donated to the Cash for Kids charity, spreading a little festive cheer to children in need.
When Rudy’s held a similar toy-swap scheme last year, they gathered 6,500 toy donations.
The donations and free pizza will be available from Monday 1 December to Thursday 4 December between 12pm and 5pm.
Commenting on the toy-swap initiative, Managing Director of Rudy’s Pizza Neal Bates, said: “We’re delighted to be bringing back our festive toy swap this Christmas in partnership with Cash for Kids.
“The campaign is a simple way for our guests to give back and help bring a little joy to children who might otherwise go without.
“Community has always been at the heart of Rudy’s, and this initiative is a small way for us to say thank you and spread kindness throughout our community, all with delicious pizza in hand.”
The Rudy’s toy-swap initiative is back in Manchester. Credit: The Manc Group
There’ll be new festive pizzas to try in every Rudy’s too, including the Porchetta (with Emilia-Romagna porchetta, sage-roasted potatoes and cranberry sauce); the Pesto Rosso (homemade sundried tomato red pesto base with capers and tomatoes); and the Pizza Sorbillo, inspired by Naples’ legendary Sorbillo Pizzeria.
There’ll also be seasonal cocktails including the spiced red berry spritz, the white Christmas margherita, and a winter spiced negroni.
Rudy’s toy swap initiative will run from 1 – 4 December across all of Rudy’s pizzerias in the UK – Manchester pizzerias include Ancoats, Peter Street, and Portland Street, plus branches in suburbs across Greater Manchester.
Stockport County’s Christmas dinner in a cup returns for 2025 as part of new festive food range
Danny Jones
We can’t believe it’s rolled around again already, but with the festive period well underway and the big day just a few weeks away, Stockport County have brought back their viral ‘Xmas dinner in a cup’for 2025.
Better still, the County Courtyard has seen some new Christmas specials added to its food menu, too.
The local football club are absolutely flying in League One at the moment, having spent plenty of time at the top of the table already and still well and truly contesting those promotion/play-off spots.
If you’re a Stopfordian, that’s plenty of cause for celebration right there, but with the Christmas dinner in a cup also up for grabs once more, the holiday season literally couldn’t taste any better right now.
For those who’ve never seen it before, it’s exactly what it says on the tin – well, cup: a little Sunday dinner in a County-branded takeaway coffee cup, complete with a healthy pour of gravy and pretty much all the trimmings you could hope for.
Yes, including sprouts, because all of you who still don’t touch them need to grow up already.
Currently priced at just £4.50, not only does it contain virtually all the major food groups (barring the customary matchday pints, of course), it might just be one of the healthiest and best value-for-money bits of footy scran around – certainly in Greater Manchester, anyway.
But, as mentioned, that’s not all this year; Stockport are also serving up the new festive hot dog and even a ‘leftover Christmas curry’ in a bowl, which might even be more warming on a cold night at Edgeley Park than the Xmas dinner in a cup or clinging onto a flask of Bovril.
Anyone else craving that curry with a cheeky bit of bubble and squeak now?
It’s also worth noting that you’ll only be able to get one of those on Boxing Day, by the way, when the Hatters host Lincoln City in the league.
As for the rest of it, County fans can get their hands on this seasonal scran for the first time this year at the weekend when Dave Challinor’s side take on Barnsley at 12:30pm, and two of the three specials will then be served at home every game over the holiday period.
Speaking of random Christmas food creations, there’s another limited-time-only and potentially divisive example that we’ll also be sampling this December…
Daisy Jackson -
18th December 2023 
