Nigel Slater has sent the internet into a right tizz after sharing a recipe for a sweet tart with quite a suggestive shape.
The 67-year-old food writer posted instructions for a custard and poached quince tart, alongside a picture of the pink pastry.
Nigel clearly spent a lot of time perfecting the recipe, but what he maybe didn’t do was think about his photography properly. Or, maybe he knew exactly what he was doing.
Because within minutes of sharing his quince custard tart recipe, the comment section was flooded with similar observations.
There’s no denying it – those soft folds of pink stewed fruit look an awful lot like a vulva…
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One person joked that the tart looked like it would have a ‘nice vulvatey texture’ while another said it was ‘Shameless clitbait’.
Nigel’s caption read: “Not something to hurry, but a pleasurable way to spend a quiet afternoon in the kitchen and worth every minute of your time.
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“The quinces need to be cooked until completely soft then left to cool in their syrup which is then boiled down for the glaze. You could make them with apples should quinces prove evasive.”
But his followers were so distracted by the NSFW image that they couldn’t resist bombarding him with jokes.
Nigel Slater’s accidentally rude tart recipe. Credit: Instagram
One person wrote: “Is it my dirty mind or….*checks comments* nope, we are all filth bags together.”
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Another said: “Broke my neck running to the comments.”
Someone else posted: “Nige, I’m going to put it down to your being a sweet gay man that you have no idea what you’ve posted. Merry Christmas.”
And someone else passed on season’s greetings, saying: “Merry Clitmas, one and all.”
Another festive joker said: “Feliz Fannydad! (Thanks for making my crimbz, Nigel!)”
And on X, formerly known as Twitter, one user shared: “Nigella: ‘No one does sexy Christmas like me.’ Nigel: ‘See my beer? Will you hold it?'”
Nigel Slater has since posted a follow-up to the erotic quince tart, writing: “Gracious me, thank you for all your likes and comments on my last post. Some absolute gems there.
“A very low-key Christmas here this year, so here is a picture of my tree in 2022 (probably my favourite ever) to wish you a very, very happy and peaceful Christmas and to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone for following and for all your messages over the year.
Co-op Live appears to tease major Mariah Carey Christmas gig sending fans into a frenzy
Emily Sergeant
All we want for Christmas… is Mariah Carey in Manchester.
And maybe, just maybe, our Christmas wish might come true very soon, as Co-op Live has taken to social media today to tease its next gig announcement with its hundreds of thousands of followers, and without jumping to conclusions, it does appear to be hinting at the queen of Christmas herself making an appearance.
Look, we know it’s only July and right in the middle of summer, but even if you think it’s too early to be talking about the festive season, you have to admit that the potential of Mariah Carey coming to Manchester is worth getting excited any time of the year.
The US pop powerhouse last performed in our city nearly a decade ago now when she brought her famous All I Want For Christmasshow to the UK for the first time ever, taking to sold-out Manchester Arena stage on 10 December 2017.
Mariah has not performed in Manchester since, but all that could be set to change as Co-op Live has hinted that an announcement is ‘coming soon’.
Taking to its official social media platforms today, Co-op Live posted a very festive-themed AI video of snow falling on the arena as the camera zoomed in and the instrumental of Mariah’s absolutely iconic hit ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ playing in the background, and the caption hinting at the song’s title too.
Of course, we could be wrong, it might not be Mariah at all, but if the 300+ comments from fans in a frenzy thinking the same as us are anything to go by, it’s looking like we might be right.
“The countdown to Christmas is on,” Co-op Live said in its video, before letting fans know that they would be getting some form of confirmation soon.
So, is it Mariah then? What do you think? Only time will tell, so stay tuned.
Featured Image – Picryl
Christmas
Bewitching Christmas light trail Northern Lights will return to Heaton Park this year
Daisy Jackson
The festive light trail that proved to be a smash hit last winter will make a return to Manchester this year.
Northern Lights has just announced a major return to Heaton Park, with a brand-new Christmas Time Machine theme.
The dazzling mile-long light trail will transform the park into a wonderland with 14 different installations, plus selfie spots along the route.
And there’ll be a limited Kids Go Free offer on select dates, as well as inclusive evenings with reduced capacity and lower audio levels.
Northern Lights attracted more than 100,000 visitors when it made its Heaton Park debut last winter, and received rave reviews across the board.
This year, A Christmas Time Machine will take place from 19 November all the way through to the end of the year, inviting visitors to step back into their favourite festive memories with a nostalgic collection in installations.
Original soundscapes, spectacular new illuminations, and even a marshmallow zone will bring the fully accessible trail to life.
Northern Lights is returning to Manchester. Credit: Supplied
Visitors will walk along Candy Cane Lane, admire a giant neon slinky, and ogle at shimmering nutcrackers.
There’ll also be vintage fairground rides, cosy festive pit stops, and an expanded Christmas Village with artisan food and drink producers from across the region.
Demand is expected to be high for this year’s festivities, with Early Bird tickets just released to get you the best value prices of the year.
Emma St.Croix, Senior Marketing Manager at From The Fields, said: “The response to Northern Lights Manchester last year exceeded all of our expectations.
“The warmth and enthusiasm from visitors made it incredibly special for our team, and we’re delighted to be returning to Heaton Park with something completely new.
“Since January, we’ve been reimagining every part of the experience. A Christmas Time Machine takes visitors on a journey through the festive moments that stay with us long after the decorations come down. Nodding to the traditions we return to year after year, the nostalgia of Christmases gone by, and the excitement of creating new memories together.
“We can’t wait to welcome visitors back and share this next chapter of Northern Lights with families, friends and loved ones from across the region.”
Northern Lights will also host dedicated inclusive evenings on Wednesday 2 and Wednesday 9 December. Visitor numbers will be reduced by 75%, with lower audio levels throughout the trail to create a calmer environment that may be preferable for some neurodivergent visitors and those who benefit from a more relaxed experience.
Northern Lights Manchester tickets
Kids Go Free offer – available on selected Off-Peak Early Bird dates until 31 August (or until allocation is exhausted. Use code KIDSLIGHTS before selecting tickets to unlock.
Early Bird Pricing
Peak tickets – from £17.25 including transaction fee
Off-peak tickets – from £13.75 including transaction fee
Daisy Jackson -
18th December 2023 
