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Manchester pub brilliantly exposes ‘dumb dumb’ criminal after attempted break-in

'Ram raid on a bicycle'

Daisy Jackson Daisy Jackson - 29th September 2026

A pub in Manchester city centre has shared hilarious footage of a bungled break-in, and made a rather sarcastic swipe at the criminal in question too. 

North Westward Ho is the stunning boozer launched back in 2023 by the team behind Pomona Island brewery. 

It’s in a prime city centre location, just off Market Street and Cross Street, and has been decorated in the style of a historic boozer, with dark wooden details, ornate tiling, wall sconces, and oil paintings.

But North Westward Ho has recently caught the eye of an unwanted patron, who attempted to break the door down in quite a ridiculous way. 

CCTV footage shared by the bar shows a man running full-pelt into the locked, reinforced door, bouncing back some distance into the road. 

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He tries four times before giving up, hopping back on his bicycle, and disappearing.

The pub said it’s not normally bothered by criminals these days, with no cash on site to make it worth their while, adding that it’s usually only ‘the real dumb dumbs’ who attempt to break in. 

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Then they dialled the sarcasm up to 100 and laid into the man caught on CCTV. 

They wrote: “Once in a lifetime you get this kind of Machiavellian genius, a man so smart that he’s always three steps ahead. 

“It doesn’t feel great at first because you know you and your pane of toughened glass are no match for his mental dexterity, but then… You start to respect it. You realise you have to up your game. You have to think like him, live like him, become him. 

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“If you see me banging my head against a brick wall with no trousers on, dribbling on myself with a glazed expression, I’ve either been on the Factotum or I’m trying to get inside the mind of my Moriarty here. 

“Well played sir, you didn’t get in this time and if you had, it really wouldn’t have achieved anything, but you made us all have a good laugh. And maybe that’s the real point.”

Pomona Island then added: “Ram raid on a bicycle.”

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Featured image: The Manc Group