Just as the three wise men brought offerings of gold, frankincense and myrrh, British supermarkets bring Christmas dinner pizza, Brussels sprouts chocolate rolls, and Yorkshire pudding wraps.
British supermarkets at this time of year are filled with golden nuggets of weird, wonderful and verging on just-plain-wrong specials.
Stumbling across one is a great feeling, and you have to tell everyone.
Let’s face it, if there’s one thing to guarantee a laugh on Christmas day, it’s pulling out a novelty sweet treat, and this year’s selection of supermarket specials will have the in-laws raving about you until Easter.
Our list of the maddest supermarket specials is the middle aisle on steroids.
Read on to find some truly shocking and not-quite-right inventions. Make sure you read all the way because we crown the wackiest winner at the bottom… trust us, you’ll want to get your hands on this.
Tiramisu-flavoured Dessert Sauce
We learnt quickly when researching this list, Aldi is the King of crazy supermarket goodies.
Specially-selected by Aldi themselves, you can turn anything into tiramisu – a Christmas miracle.
Think of all the fun you could have with this little flavour machine you could pour over brownies, dip strawberries but promise us you won’t swap it for gravy.
The Giant Éclair has returned to Asda. It’s back, bigger, creamier and chunkier than ever.
Who wouldn’t want a giant éclair? Not us, that’s for sure.
We can’t wait to get our hands on this wonderful invention. Challenge nan to Eclair eating competition and whip this bad boy out.
Just like their Christmas advert, Asda have got it just right this year.
Pigs in Blanket Slices
Hold on tight, we’re getting into the slightly darker recesses of Asda here.
A pigs in blanket slice – we’ll leave it for you to decide whether that’s going straight in your basket. Could be good in bread – could not. We’re on the fence about these, but for those who think a cocktail sausage is just not enough, this one’s for you.
We all have needs.
Sticky Toffee Pudding Bites
Marks and Spencer’s
Back to the bitesize bits.
Couldn’t think of anything better to go with a cuppa on Christmas day. Marks and Spencer have smashed it out the supermarket with these. Though not weird, they are just really cute and deserve a place on the list because, well, they’re bitesize sticky toffee puddings.
Guaranteed to bring a smile – would you dunk them in the brew though?
Christmas Tinner. A force to be reckoned with. Where to begin. At the top seems the only option, which, by the way, is scrambled egg.
Stuff to make your stomach turn, Christmas Tinner defies all culinary laws.
Scrambled egg and bacon is followed by two mince pies. Then turkey and potatoes, gravy, a layer of bread sauce and cranberry sauce. You’ve got your brussels sprouts with stuffing, roasted carrots and parsnips and, if you make it that far, Christmas pudding.
Saves washing up the plates.
Chocolate Squirty Cream
Safely back in Asda.
Wow, buy this and you’ll be the cat that got the squirty chocolate cream. Imagine a dollop on your Christmas eve hot chocolate or just straight down the hatch, the right way.
A simple can of goodness – this one’s sure to be a family favourite.
Yorkshire Pudding Wraps
Can’t get enough of Porky Pig’s Yorkshire pudding wraps at the Christmas markets?
No fear – Morrison’s mean you make them at home. Cook from frozen and they are a really tasty Christmas treat. Chicken, stuffing and gravy all wrapped up in a Yorkshire pudding just an oven’s cook away.
We’re getting straight down to Morrison’s.
After Eight Vienetta
Winning combination of one of our favorite puddings, the Vienetta, and an after dinner treat, the infamous After Eight.
The two come together to make the King of all after dinner experiences.
Try and imagine what that would taste like – all we know is that with those two, you can’t go wrong.
Hershey’s Cookies N Cream Ice Cream Cake
The alternative Christmas pudding.
Popularity for the Christmas pudding is thinning on the ground, so why not make a new tradition with ice cream cake. It’s cold to represent the frosty weather outside, but has cookies for the warm inside which represents, oh we don’t know, some new traditions just don’t need explaining.
The title justifies it all really.
Night Before Christmas Smash Cake
Marks and Spencer’s
Crowned winner of the most wonderful Christmas specials to grace our humble supermarkets. Marks and Sparks have seriously outdone themselves.
Appearing simply as a domed desert, most people would pass it by as a pretty Christmas cake, but take a hammer to this thing and you unlock Santa’s grotto. Tasty treats lay beneath this dome and it’s only a layer of white chocolate between you and all the sweets you could wish for.
Cracking idea (excuse the pun) and fun for all. Beneath is a creamy Madeira cake filled with buttercream and jam – what’s not to like?
Featured Image – NewfoodsUK | M&S Tunbridge Wells
Molly-Mae Hague announces birth of baby girl with Tommy Fury
Molly-Mae Hague has given birth to her baby girl, the star has announced.
She welcomed the new arrival with long-term boyfriend and boxer Tommy Fury, who she met on the fifth series of Love Island.
Molly-Mae, an influencer, creative director and reality TV star, announced the news on her Instagram today.
The terrifying TV villain, played by James Norton, was seen fleeing disguised as a cyclist to the beautiful Calder Valley countryside, before being picked up and going into hiding.
Meanwhile, Catherine Cawood (Sarah Lancashire) was rounding up her family as fears grew that Tommy would come for his son Ryan (Rhys Connah).
Throughout last night’s Happy Valley, Tommy repeatedly referred to his unfinished business with ‘that policewoman b*tch’, and asked gang leader Darius Knezevic for a gun.
Given his fraught history with Catherine (he abused her late daughter, beat Catherine up, and doused little Ryan in petrol in a failed homocide-suicide stunt) we’ve all assumed that we’ll see a Tommy-Catherine face-off on Sunday.
But a few fans have floated a new theory, pointing out that Tommy hasn’t actually said which police officer he’s after…
Jenny Ryan from The Chase said: “Hey, any other #HappyValley fans lying awake worrying that the phrase “that policewoman” could refer to someone other than Catherine?”
Another person said: “Is anyone else thinking he hasn’t actually said which policewoman he wants to kill? It was Anne who gave evidence and got him sent away…”
Someone else posted: “Happy Valley perfect script and acting as always. Ann’s monologue was just incredible. It occurred to me though that Tommy and Darius kept talking about sorting out ‘that policewoman bitch’. We are all expecting it to be Catherine but what if he means Ann?!!”
And one user pointed out: “As for Tommy going after Catherine, she isn’t the only “policewoman” he may have a grudge against..”
My nerves can’t handle the wait for Sunday’s episode after that…
One particular scene has had fans celebrating the phenomenal script-writing and acting again, and for once it’s not Sarah Lancashire being showered with all the praise.
Charlie Murphy, who plays Ann Gallagher in Happy Valley, has been labelled ‘outrageously good’ after delivering an impassioned monologue to Ryan.
The powerful scene, which some viewers said was ‘cruel’ and ‘brutal’, saw her deliver some harsh home truths to Ryan about his father’s past.
One person wrote: “Wow! What a piece of acting that was by @CharlieBMurphy explaining to Ryan about Tommy. Gripped!”
Another said: “@CharlieBMurphy was outrageously good in Happy Valley tonight. Sarah Lancashire deserves many plaudits but this show has strength in numbers. The trauma is real and next weeks finale I’m sure will ruin me.”
Someone else posted on Twitter: “The Ann Gallagher monologue/rant in #HappyValley tonight was up there with the best scenes in any of the episodes. Brilliant.”
One user tweeted: “Ann threw at Ryan everything that was building up in her for years. YEARS of seeing his affections towards her abuser.All her rage & pain.And to all of this she stood up for Cath & the memory of Becky. Surely one of the best & most important scenes of S3 if not whole #HappyValley.”
And someone else added: “‘HE DOESN’T GIVE ONE TINY, SHINY F*CK ABOUT YOU!!’ #HappyValley belonged to Ann tonight. Jaw dropping couple of minutes of dialogue yet again by @spiceyw.”
The final Happy Valley will air on Sunday 5 February.