Some of the world’s greatest music has come from Greater Manchester.
Indie. Electronic. Hip-hop. Whichever genre you explore, you’re sure to find Mancunian fingerprints in there somewhere.
Even in a category as niche as early mobile music.
Case in point: The Kersal Massive.
This infamous trio of MCs recorded a rap video in a Salford shed back in 2006 and cemented their place in history as some of the first ever viral video stars.
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Sure, their music was great for a very different – and unintentional – reason. But it was still great nonetheless.
Even today, the very mention of Kersal can prompt an impression of: “Get on the bus with me daysavahhh, smoke da reefa in the cornahhh”.
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In the mid-noughties, The Kersal Massive were as big as their name suggested – with their freestyle being bluetoothed between more mobiles than Akon’s “Smack That”.
The group – which consisted of Clio-driving leader C-Mac, helium-voiced bus enthusiast Lil’ Kev, and hypeman Ginger Joe (essentially Kersal Massive’s very own Flava Flav) – only ever shot one music video.
But whilst most media from the blurry-looking, scruffy-sounding world of mobile videos – which was largely populated by happy slapping and donk music – has died out, Kersal’s track lives on.
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With fingers in the air and frowns on their faces, the wannabe rappers managed to squeeze lyrics about drugs, money, cars, women, public transport and a hatred for Levenshulme into their 45-second freestyle.
Kevin Powder – a presenter known for his zany schtick – actually ventured up to meet the gang on their own stomping ground several months after the video appeared, asking Kersal to perform a second rendition of the song that became synonymous with the Sony Ericsson.
The gang – by this point a little older with broken voices – generously obliged, reciting the lyrics word-for-word.
Powder is then flagged out of the estate, the video ends, and poof, Salford’s young Gs disappeared.
The popularity of their video, though, was a sign of things to come.
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Little did they know it, but Kersal were the first faces of the original viral content boom – which suddenly began turning obscure figures in Britain into overnight celebrities via the magic of the internet.
One of the most successful examples was market trader Muhammad Shahid Nazir (AKA One Pound Fish Man), who earned a recording contract after being captured on camera singing about the price of seafood at Upton Park.
Still, despite the increasingly congested arena of viral stars, The Kersal Massive continued to resurface on social media from time to time. And, whenever they did, people would always ask the question: Whatever happened to those guys?
It’s been thirteen years since the gang were seen on camera together, and all signs seem to suggest their lives have taken very different paths.
The Tab claimed they’d tracked down frontman C-Mac in 2016, who didn’t appear to look back on his five minutes of fame with too much nostalgia.
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He apparently told the website: “The video still does the rounds now and then, but that’s about it. I don’t get noticed about it anymore so it’s done and gone for me.
“I am not in touch with the other two lads anymore.”
C-Mac’s sidekick Kev made his own headlines in 2017. But not for the right reasons.
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Local police posted an image, whom the Reddit community believed to be Lil’ Kev, online in the summer of that year, appealing for information on his whereabouts after he was suspected of gun offences.
The enigmatic Ginger Joe, fittingly, has yet to resurface.
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But we like to think he’s still out there somewhere. Over in the corner. Being the main man he always was…
50 alternative Christmas anthems to add to your festive playlist this year
Danny Jones
It’s that time of year again when we have to listen to the same dozen or so songs over and over and OVER again – and we’re simply fed up with it, so we’re here to provide an alternative approach to the Christmas playlist.
There are literally thousands of Christmas songs out there and more are recorded each year, so why on Earth is it always a case of thawing out Mariah, Micky Bubble and all the other ones we’ve heard a thousand times before?
We’re not saying they’re bad tunes, of course not (‘Last Christmas’ is a banger and we all know it) but there is such a thing as overplaying your favourite songs. That’s why we’ve decided to mix up the monotony of festive music and give your ears some different options for a change.
And we don’t just mean we’re going to play that Darkness one – that’s part of the mainstream whether you like it or not. Without further ado, here is a very big list of genuinely good alternative Christmas songs for you to whack on this year. We’ve even created a Spotify playlist for you to listen along.
The best alternative Christmas songs ever
We recommend a short five-second crossfade, by the way. Ready to get started?…
1. ‘Must Be Santa’ – Bob Dylan
Since everyone is gripped with Bob Dylan fever ahead of the new biopic starring Timothée Chalamet, where better to start than with Zimmy himself and his possibly the most unserious song ever? A poet, to be sure, but he didn’t write this one: he just had fun with his own polka-style cover of it back in 2009.
2. ‘Christmas in Hollis’ – RUN DMC
From rampant accordion riffs to RUN DMC’s festive classic,‘Christmas in Hollis’ features in the likes of Die Hard, The US Office and Brooklyn Nine-Nine, but it’s always criminally overlooked when it comes to actually getting play time on the big day. We’re here to change that – get it on, learn the lyrics, head bob.
3. ‘Merry Christmas (Wherever You Are)’ – Lower Than Atlantis
In at number three, we’ve got the little-known festive thrasher by popular 2010s rock band, Lower Than Atlantis. They might not be together anymore (though there are rumours of a comeback on the cards…) but this tune is a banger and it goes perfectly with footage of Santa on a drunken night out.
4. ‘Little Saint Nick’ – Best Coast
From one rocky number to another, if there’s one thing we like more than The Beach Boys’ Christmas song it’s this bluesy cover by Best Coast. The LA duo manage to capture the same cruisey Californian vibes but the distorted guitar makes it feel a bit more British somehow. Love.
A brand-new pick from one of the world’s best bands and most prolific producers; we’re talking about Jack Antonoff’s Bleachers, who have just dropped one of our favourite Christmas songs in years. You can hear their fingerprints all over the heavily layered sound and the lyrics are, well… just listen.
6. ‘Only You’ – Yazoo
Fading perfectly back into the 80s sonics that influences so much of their sound and countless other contemporary artists, the jury is out on whether this counts as a Christmas song – it’s kind of like East 17 – but it features at the end of The Office Christmas special and has been a core memory ever since.
7. ‘christmas time’ – piri and Tommy Villiers
Another super fresh pick, the garage and electronic lovers often get overlooked when it comes to the festive period but not on our watch. This lo-fi UKG banger is perfect for getting a little boogie on in the kitchen and since this pair are from Manchester, they get extra love from us.
8. ‘All You’re Dreaming Of’ – Liam Gallagher
Speaking of Mancs and non-traditional Christmas songs, Liam Gallagher‘s 2022 release caught everyone by surprise. Demonstrating his softer side and keeping that voice reigned in without taking away from its familiar whine, it’s an absolutely beautiful little ballad.
9. ‘Merry Christmas’ – Willie J Healey
Sticking with the softer sounds for a spell, Oxford singer-songwriter Willie J Healey might sound like some Americana-infused folk artist and you’d be right in thinking so, but he also does lots more including more indie and psychedelic tracks. But for now, you can start with his seasonal number.
10. ‘Christmas Was Better In The 80s’ – The Futureheads
We don’t know for sure because we weren’t born but all we’ll say is that a lot of our favourite festive classics are from this period, so make of that what you will – all we know is that in terms of alternative Christmas songs, this is right up there.
11. ‘Red River Rock’ – Metronomy
Folky-sounding artists and now folky-sounding titles: ‘Red River Rock’ by Metronomy picks the energy back up and while it may be another cover, there’s something very cool about hearing an old ’50s track reimagined with modern guitars and keys. Give it a whirl.
12. ‘I Wish It Christmas Today’ – Julian Casablancas
Do you like The Strokes or, more specifically, their frontman’s iconic vocal style? Well, in that case, you’ll love Julian’s solo seasonal outing, delivered in that instantly recognisable garage rock style. The bells, the drums, the guitar, the laid-back bravado – all pure perfection.
13. ‘Christmas Is Going to the Dogs’ – Eels
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You can’t follow up JB with any old tripe – you’ve got to match that kind of cool with an equally influential artist and we still feel Eels are possibly one of the most underrated bands on the planet. Created for the 2000 Grinch movie, who else can say they featured in some of the best kids film franchises ever? The other one is Shrek, by the way…
14. Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town – Bruce Springsteen
We’re allowing ourselves another cover mainly because this is without a doubt the best version and by that, we mean this specific live recording. Brucey can do it all and we don’t care if you think this is particularly alternative, it’s going on the list and that’s final.
15. ‘Krampus’ – The Lathums
From a grumpy green Christmas grouch to the name given to Germany’s very creepy Christmas character, but don’t worry, this track by Wigan‘s finest is marginally less miserable and the upbeat instrumentation makes us want to do a jig every year without fail.
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16. ‘How to Make Gravy’ – Paul Kelly
Swap the slightly more cynical for a sincere export from a country on the other side of the world – not to mention one of the most superbly simplistic song titles ever – and you’ve got both a recipe and a personal favourite. It’s become a bit of an anthem over in Australia and we want to make it one here too.
17. ‘Winter Song’ – Sam Fender
Now, if you want a real alternative take on what we’re dubbing an alternative Christmas tune, we’d turn your attention to one of Sam Fender‘s most sombre songs and a truly emotional journey. We didn’t promise they’d all be super cheerful, we only guarantee they’re good.
18. ‘This Must Be Christmas’ – Kodaline
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Remember these guys? They had a really successful period in the 2010s and lead singer Steve Garrigan’s moving tones are still as good then as they are now. They also happen to have a beautiful Christmas that we’d encourage you to give a listen. Consider it one your mum won’t moan about.
19. ‘Christmas Eve (Soul Purpose)’ – Blossoms
Even closer to home now and another indie band who are flying super high at the moment. The first of two Blossoms selections on this list, it still blows us away how well the Stockport boys can shift their sound so much whilst still sounding unmistakably like themselves. They never miss.
20. ‘Christmas Trees In Rain’ – APRE
Kent-based alt-pop duo APRE are still making a name for themselves it’s fair to say, but when we first came across them, we were not expecting to come across one of the loveliest alternative Christmas songs and get it in repeat every year – and yet here we are.
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21. Christmas (I Won’t Be Alone) – The Lottery Winners
Returning to Greater Manchester once again, we’ve got Leigh’s very own The Lottery Winners who have had a dynamite couple of years and do heartfelt emotional indie rock as good as anyone, so it’s no surprise their Christmas track is no different. Love these guys.
22. ‘Miss Christmas’ – Circa Waves
For another familiar North West entry, we turn to Merseyside and indie specialists Circa Waves, who never disappoint no matter what genre they turn their hand to. ‘Miss Christmas’ is a super happy listen and there’s plenty of heart behind it as always with these lads.
23. ‘It’s Going To Be A Cold Winter’ – Blossoms
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Back to the Blossoms once again and one of their other Christmas songs from a few years back – this one definitely has to be on your alternative playlist. Yes, their covers of countless classics are great but we applaud anyone trying to enter something into the catalogue rather than just imitate it.
24. ‘Home Alone, Too’ – The Staves
If you’ve never heard this delightful trio from Watford before then consider this the perfect introduction because their cleverly titled ‘Home Alone, Too’ deserves to be diversifying everyone’s festive playlists and their voices are truly some of the most beautiful noises you’ll ever hear.
25. ‘Late Night Phone Call’ – Reverend and the Makers
Keeping current, we’re going with one that we believe was absolutely ROBBED of a well-deserved Christmas number one. Not only is it a belter of tune but it’s helped raise money for Samaritans all winter. Jon McClure truly is the pride of Sheffield. Reyt on that man is.
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26. ‘This Christmas’ – Donny Hathaway
Serving as another great transition moment, ‘This Christmas’ by Donny Hathaway might truly be one of the best songs this holiday has ever resulted in but, for some reason, it’s still criminally underplayed most years. Not that alternative per se, it just needs to be on more people’s playlists, so here it is.
27. ‘Make Someone Happy’ – Bill Nighy
Now, you’d be forgiven for seeing this name and jumping to the conclusion that we’ve thrown in the legendary British actor’s fantastic cover from Love Actually, but what if we told you he’s got another corker from the animated film Arthur Christmas? Well, you could decide for yourself which you prefer.
28. ‘Someday at Christmas’ – Stevie Wonder
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Swinging back around to soulful and more old-school vibes, Stevie Wonder – like James Brown, Donny Hathaway and many other peers – also has a whole plethora of Christmas songs to get stuck into and while this one might not be the most ‘alternative’, you won’t hear many other people playing it.
29. ‘Donna and Blitzen’ – Badly Drawn Boy
Fancy more Greater Manchester references? Well, this little number is another one taken from a movie soundtrack and if you’re an About A Boy fan you’ll know two things: one, how integral music is to the film and two, how good the soundtrack is from start to finish.
30. ‘Christmas Rappin” – Kurtis Blow
Not only one of the best alternative Christmas songs ever but undoubtedly one of the coolest Top of the Pops performances that ever was. Kurtis Blow might not have had the most legendary rap career in history but we never let a holiday season pass without playing this absolute bop.
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31. ‘8 Days of Christmas‘ – Destiny’s Child
From old-school hip-hop to an R’n’B Christmas classic courtesy of Beyonce Knowles, Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams. Should have known they were all destined for greatness the second this came out. See what we did there?…
32. ‘Give Love on Christmas Day’ – PJ Morton
Another smooth one for you from a similar wheelhouse as Donny, Steve, James and the like. We found this one quite recently and are just obsessed with the synths and keys that make if feel like a feel like a funk song ready to burst into action whilst still remaining chill throughout. Originally by The Jackson 5.
33. ‘X-M@$’ – Corey Taylor
Are we trying to give you musical whiplash? Maybe, but we will die on the hill that this irreverent, raucous and unapologetic track by Slipknot’s Corey Taylor is one of the best alternative Christmas songs ever. Crude humour, swearing and an intentionally low-budget music video – what more could you want?
34. ‘Mistress For Christmas’ – AC/DC
Since the guitars have arrived we might as well keep the going. If ‘Hell’s Bells’ is the year-round nod to what’s coming in December then ‘Mistress for Christmas’ is the rock and roll main event. Still blows us away how this one isn’t more popular but we’re fighting the good fight over here. Great visualiser too.
35. ‘Christmas Is Here’ – Buckcherry
US rock and country go hand-in-hand so there’s no surprise we also managed to sneak Buckcherry on here too. It might feel like a throwback to even hear that name much less on a list of Christmas songs but trust us, it’s got a really good feel and it’s not their only one if you’re down for more.
36. ‘When I Get Home For Christmas’ – Snow Patrol
Let’s cross back over the Atlantic for something more familiar, shall we? Snow Patrol’s Christmas song felt pretty well-known to us and maybe that’s because we’re fans, but we’ve definitely played this to some people for first the time this year. Great guitar tones and a wonderful voice as always. Happy sad.
37. ‘The Season’s Upon Us’ – Dropkick Murphys
‘More Irish’ did we hear you say? Well, how about a US-formed Celtic punk bank? Yeah, you heard us right and there’s not a chance this doesn’t fit the brief of alternative Christmas songs. It also happens to be one of our favourites and has that real merry sing-song in a pub atmosphere to it.
38. ‘Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer’ – Elmo & Patsy
How about a retro barnstormer and still one of the most ridiculous Christmas songs to ever be released? We’ll be honest, we have very little knowledge of Elmo and Patsy and couldn’t tell you a thing about the rest of the discography, but what we can tell you is this still makes us laugh even as adults.
39. ‘Wintering’ – The 1975
But the newbies are just as good as these alternative takes on festive tracks, you know, and while it was never marketed as such, The 1975‘s is definitely about Christmas. Talking about his mum’s bad back, driving home for the holidays and inane family details – all sounds far too relatable.
40. ‘Christmas Shoppers’ Paradise’ – Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine
Don’t ask us about the artist’s name: we never question these things – we just ask ourselves whether or not it’s a good Christmas tune and, surprise surprise, it is. They were actually pretty popular back in the day and have those familiar 80s indie vibes. Think Pulp, New Order, Pet Shop Boys and more.
41. ‘A Great Big Sled’ – The Killers
Well of course we were going to whack The Killers on here! Our adopted Yankee rockers are no strangers to Yuletide music, especially with their religious backgrounds, and it was a real toss-up between this and ‘Don’t Shoot Me Santa’, but we think this one just edges it.
42. ‘All I Want For Christmas Is New Year’s Day’ – The Hurts
Ok, not long to go until the end and we’re really in the pocket of alternative Christmas songs now. The Hurts remain one of the very coolest UK bands ever; the music, the clothes, the overall aesthetic: we love it all and we also happen to think they wrote one a personal favourite Xmas track of ours.
43. ‘Christmastime’ – The Smashing Pumpkins
Billy bloody Corgan. We’ll never emotionally get past what that oh-so-distinct voice does to us so we’ve simply stopped trying. This one is a real gentle affair from the genre-bending alt-rock veterans and doesn’t rely on sleigh bells to remind you it’s a Christmas tune.
44. ‘Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas’ – Phoebe Bridgers
Ok, we’ve been keeping a secret from you: we love depressing music and even if it’s not an innately sad song, getting someone like Phoebe Bridgers to sing can have that effect and it also makes it 10x better in our opinion. She has loads of Christmas songs so feel free to opt into the melancholy with us.
45. ‘Santa Stole My Girlfriend’ – The Maine
Not all sad songs necessarily sound sad though and for some reason, this bloke playing a lovely acoustic riff as he talks about his girl cheating with ‘Saint Nick’ always sounds oddly cheery. Some excellent folky guitar playing and good music to sway and click your fingers to. Their best Christmas song by far.
46. ‘Maybe This Christmas’ – Ron Sexsmith
Speaking of acoustic guitars and a bloke singing, is there a more reliable vehicle for plain old songwriting? Sometimes we don’t need things dressed up, we just want to hear a person pouring their heart and soul into a song and this nod from our team member Oli has gone straight into our rotation.
47. ‘That Was The Worst Christmas Ever!’ – Sufjan Stevens
Again, we’re not ones to shy away from the admittedly miserable parts about Christmas and people who manage to turn that into art are heroes as far as we’re concerned. Just like Phoebe, Sufjan Stevens is great at making the sad sound serene and if you need to find a quiet corner this year, whack this on.
48. ‘Christmas Lights’ – Coldplay
Drawing towards a close now and while it may have become more popular in recent years we feel, the eternal Coldplay haters keep this lovely Christmas track just outside of most people’s playlists. For the last time: just like Nickelback, you’re allowed to like whatever you want and WE LOVE COLDPLAY.
49. ‘River’ – Joni Mitchell
In a similar vein, our team member Emily will be over the moon to hear that we agree with the statement that ‘River’ by Joni Mitchell might just be “the greatest Christmas song ever written” and deserves to be celebrated just as much as the holiday. Gorgeous, heartbreaking, legendary.
50. ‘Wrap Myself in Paper’ – Magnus Carlsson
And last but not least, after all that back-to-back run of quiet sad songs, we’re finishing with a ridiculous Europop track that may have initially been suggested as a joke but we’ve genuinely grown to inexplicably love. Consider this the palate cleanser and reminder to keep the party going.
If this doesn’t get you ready for a night of carefree dancing on NYE in a few days, nothing will.
Honourable mention
‘I Believe In Christmas’ – Tweenies
Because why the hell not? Just for sh**s and gigs at the end of the day.
No longer on Spotify, sadly, but get this on and watch the little ones – and all former toddlers, a.k.a. adults who still remember it (us) – go nuts.
Once again, you can find Audio North‘s entire Alternative Xmas playlist HERE if you want to stick it on for some festive variety this year.
Featured Images — Bleachers (via IG)/Sad Factory Records/YouTube (screenshot)
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The best and worst Christmas songs ever written
Dean Hadcock
We can all agree, in terms of Christmas music, it has its bops and it has its flops.
Some songs do an incredible job of capturing that warm fuzzy feeling that Christmas can give you… others feel like they were purposely made just to drive you crazy.
And whether you’re into violins and jingling bells or pure festive pop, we’ve all got opinions about Christmas music.
So let’s take a look at five of the all-time bestChristmas songs and five of the absolute worst.
We know people will go to war in the name of their favourite Crimbo song, so before you start a crusade against us because your favourite is on the worst list, let me remind you this list is completely subjective… but we all know it’s right.
The worst Christmas songs ever written
Santa Tell Me – Ariana Grande
Not hate towards Ariana – she’s an honorary Manc after all – but Santa Tell Me is a massive flop. Nothing screams ‘I’m in a department store at Christmas time’ more than this song and I pray for any retail worker who has to hear this more than once on their wintery shifts.
2. Everyday Is Christmas – SIA (The Whole Album)
You’re getting a whole 13-song album for this one. SIA did not need to make a full Christmas album but she did and it’s basically all the same song. Everything about it is bad, even down to the album art. There’s something about SIA’s voice that just doesn’t lend itself to festive music. Sorry SIA.
3. It’s Beginning To Look a Lot Like Christmas
It’s not the singer, it’s the song. It doesn’t matter who is singing this one, it’s going on the worst list. When it’s the start of November why does every commercial company decide this is the perfect song to shove on every Christmas ad ever? And how does something with such cheerful lyrics manage to sound so glum?! It’s like a Winnie the Pooh Christmas song.
4. Underneath The Tree – Kelly Clarkson
This one makes me feel like I’m in a silly little 00s British Christmas romcom and I absolutely hate it. How did she fall from Since U Been Gone to this utter trash? I’m not mad, Kelly, I’m just disappointed.
5. Feliz Navidad – Jose Feliciano
For a three-minute-long song, it does not need to repeat Feliz Navidad 21 times. There are literally only four different unique sentences in this one and they’re repeated over and over again. We get it Jose, you wanna wish me a Merry Christmas. Can you do it a bit more quietly, I’ve got a Bailey’s hangover.
The best Christmas songs ever written
White Christmas – The Drifters
Nothing lends itself more to Christmas than some classic doo-wop, that’s why White Christmas by The Drifters and only The Drifters is the best version of this festive classic. As soon as the band’s deep harmony kicks in at the start it fills the room with that Christmassy feeling.
2. Step Into Christmas – Elton John
No era was better for Christmas music than the 70s and Elton John’s Step Into Christmas is its peak. Whether you’re putting up the tree, present shopping, having a festive boogie or eating your Christmas dinner, this song fits the vibe perfectly.
3. Christmas Wrapping – The Waitresses
We don’t think American new wave band The Waitresses knew the scale of what they were making when they were recording this anti-Christmas song. It instantly became a cult classic. Trust us, sit down and listen to the bass in this one, it’s so funky and usually by the time the sax comes into it we’re already up dancing.
4. Wonderful Christmastime – Paul McCartney
As soon as this song starts with those synthy keys you know you’re in for a good’n, I mean who else is more equipped to write a jolly ol’ Christmas song than an ex-Beatle? It just feels like the epitome of Christmas.
5. Christmas Rappin’ – Kurtis Blow
By the time this song came out in 1979, rap was a relatively new genre on the scene. So for Kurtis Blow, the first commercially successful rapper, to release Christmas Rappin’ as his first song is insane but what a hit it was. Not your generic Christmas song but it’s something different and you can’t deny, that beat is infectious.
The Manc Audio -
22nd December 2020 
