Some of the world’s greatest music has come from Greater Manchester.
Indie. Electronic. Hip-hop. Whichever genre you explore, you’re sure to find Mancunian fingerprints in there somewhere.
Even in a category as niche as early mobile music.
Case in point: The Kersal Massive.
This infamous trio of MCs recorded a rap video in a Salford shed back in 2006 and cemented their place in history as some of the first ever viral video stars.
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Sure, their music was great for a very different – and unintentional – reason. But it was still great nonetheless.
Even today, the very mention of Kersal can prompt an impression of: “Get on the bus with me daysavahhh, smoke da reefa in the cornahhh”.
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In the mid-noughties, The Kersal Massive were as big as their name suggested – with their freestyle being bluetoothed between more mobiles than Akon’s “Smack That”.
The group – which consisted of Clio-driving leader C-Mac, helium-voiced bus enthusiast Lil’ Kev, and hypeman Ginger Joe (essentially Kersal Massive’s very own Flava Flav) – only ever shot one music video.
But whilst most media from the blurry-looking, scruffy-sounding world of mobile videos – which was largely populated by happy slapping and donk music – has died out, Kersal’s track lives on.
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With fingers in the air and frowns on their faces, the wannabe rappers managed to squeeze lyrics about drugs, money, cars, women, public transport and a hatred for Levenshulme into their 45-second freestyle.
Kevin Powder – a presenter known for his zany schtick – actually ventured up to meet the gang on their own stomping ground several months after the video appeared, asking Kersal to perform a second rendition of the song that became synonymous with the Sony Ericsson.
The gang – by this point a little older with broken voices – generously obliged, reciting the lyrics word-for-word.
Powder is then flagged out of the estate, the video ends, and poof, Salford’s young Gs disappeared.
The popularity of their video, though, was a sign of things to come.
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Little did they know it, but Kersal were the first faces of the original viral content boom – which suddenly began turning obscure figures in Britain into overnight celebrities via the magic of the internet.
One of the most successful examples was market trader Muhammad Shahid Nazir (AKA One Pound Fish Man), who earned a recording contract after being captured on camera singing about the price of seafood at Upton Park.
Still, despite the increasingly congested arena of viral stars, The Kersal Massive continued to resurface on social media from time to time. And, whenever they did, people would always ask the question: Whatever happened to those guys?
It’s been thirteen years since the gang were seen on camera together, and all signs seem to suggest their lives have taken very different paths.
The Tab claimed they’d tracked down frontman C-Mac in 2016, who didn’t appear to look back on his five minutes of fame with too much nostalgia.
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He apparently told the website: “The video still does the rounds now and then, but that’s about it. I don’t get noticed about it anymore so it’s done and gone for me.
“I am not in touch with the other two lads anymore.”
C-Mac’s sidekick Kev made his own headlines in 2017. But not for the right reasons.
Local police posted an image, whom the Reddit community believed to be Lil’ Kev, online in the summer of that year, appealing for information on his whereabouts after he was suspected of gun offences.
The enigmatic Ginger Joe, fittingly, has yet to resurface.
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But we like to think he’s still out there somewhere. Over in the corner. Being the main man he always was…
Posters around Manchester city centre spark serious rumours Charli XCX is set to headline Parklife 2025
Danny Jones
Some pretty big, green posters are popping up around town and, not to get ahead of ourselves, but it looks like they’re hinting at Charli XCX headlining Parklife 2025…
Feel free to lose your bratting minds.
A number of tall, let’s call it ‘apple’ green posters have been sighted in various places across Manchester city centre this Friday, 22 November and the last time we saw this slightly low-resolution, plain black Arial font and colour combo we got a reworked version of Charli XCX’s brat album.
Listen, all we can tell you is that this is almost exactly the same marketing and the letters on the poster simply read, “PL25”. Come on… you do the math(s).
Spotting at least two of the posters for ourselves around both Newton and Thomas Street in and around the Northern Quarter, plenty of people have been double-taking at the simple but bold and undeniably eye-catching portrait posters.
Trust us, we weren’t the only ones stopping to take a picture and frantically send them to half of our phonebook either.
Charli herself hasn’t given us any other clues on social media thus far – to be fair, this one feels fairly obvious to us – but it’s well worth keeping your eyes peeled on her stories as she did plenty of teasing before dropping Brat and it’s completely different but also still brat.
Still can’t get over that actually being the title, by the way.
It’s also worth noting that Parklife themselves recently confirmed that festival fans can expect to find out their headliners and the full 2025 lineup very soon. Check out that colour…
Oh, who are we kidding? That’s not apple green it’s straight-up BRAT green, b*tch. We’re fully getting carried away and you’ll just have to deal with it.
Even if it somehow turns out she’s not headlining it’s certainly looking like she’s going to be there and it wouldn’t be the first time.
Better yet, fans of the pop sensation won’t have to wait too long to see her right here in Greater Manchester because Charli is bringing her already smash-hit tour to Co-op Live next Wednesday, 27 November and in case you couldn’t tell by all the shouting in capitals, we’re very excited.
Roll on ‘PL25’. Other than Charli XCX, who else would you like to see as your Parklife headliners next summer?
Bez and Shaun Ryder are starring in a new gangster movie – nope, not kidding
Danny Jones
No, you didn’t misread the headline and you’re not on acid: Manchester music legends Bez and Shaun Ryder are set to feature in a brand-new gangster film.
Yes, the ones from the Happy Mondays – why are you having such trouble processing this?
Seriously though, we did a little double-take ourselves when we came across this news, but the familiar Manc faces look to be among the ensemble of a brand-new gangster movie by Irish writer, actor, producer and filmmaker, Ciaron Davies.
And this is just a little leak or rumour that may have been blown out of proportion: you can take it from the horse’s mouth as Happy Mondays frontman, Ryder, recently shared the news on social media.
As you can see, the new film is called Geezers and is billed as a “British crime caper” written and directed by Davies, featuring Shaun as hard-man Robbie and Bez as ‘Monk’. If you saw Ryder shaking off that snake biting his hand like it was nothing then you already know he’s hard as nails.
Although it’s not strictly listed as a comedy per se, ‘caper’ would suggest plenty of humour and light-heartedness, so we’re thinking more like The Gentleman, Italian Job, or maybe even Four Lions, rather than a serious crime thriller.
Now, while we’ve seen both of the Salfordians on screen before not only in the likes of music videos, interviews, panel shows and even as two of the funniest guests to ever go on Celebrity Gogglebox, this latest venture will serve as their respective acting debuts.
According to the IMDb page, the synopsis of the film is as follows: “Crime caper about a stolen bag of money. Caught in the crossfire are ‘The Geezers’ a bunch of wannabe criminals who have bitten off more than they can chew. With 24 hours to grab the cash, London may just go up in smoke tonight.”
Shame it’s not set on the mean streets of Manchester, or better yet Salford, but you’ve still very much caught our interest.
You can see the first promotional poster for the film down below.
As for Davies, he has been involved with a number of small-budget TV film projects, as well as appearing in shorts and even video games, so it’s fair to say that getting 62-year-old Ryder and his ever-energetic hype man, 60, involved is quite the coup for his movie-making career.
Although the film has no release date just yet, we know that filming locations having included parts of Warrington and Pinewood Studios, will be produced by Loose Gripp Films and distributed by publishers High Fliers.
Given the high-octane nature of Geezers and its genre, the feature will involve lots of action, stunts, violence and even martial arts – though how much kung-fu these two will have learned for the project remains to be seen…
All we know is that the film is supposedly “coming soon” and if you don’t want to see Bez and Shaun Ryder doing their best impression of a Guy Ritchie gangster movie then you’re lying to yourself. Praying for a Rowetta cameo to put the cherry on top.