Manchester restaurant creates cheeky £69 per head Valentine’s menu
Intimating its innocence in the joke, Kala replied with the haloed face of an angel - but let's be honest, there's no way they didn't do this on purpose.
Top Manchester bistro Kala has revealed its Valentine’s menu for 2023 and it’s equal parts naughty, raunchy, and (if you’re a little immature like us) downright funny.
No, we’re not referring to the chef’s dishes (although they do sound absolutely stunning). Rather, the thing that caught our eye was the price: with loved-up diners being charged exactly £69 per head to enjoy the romantic supper.
Surely someone’s got to be having a laugh on this one, and we’re absolutely cackling. Their followers clearly think it’s funny too, that is if the comments on the restaurant’s recent Instagram post are anything to go by.
Shared with the simple caption “Love is in the air. Valentine’s Day bookings now open”, the original menu post on the restaurant’s page makes no reference to the tongue-in-cheek price.
Mini doughnuts with dark chocolate sauce, honeycomb ice-cream and a nice slab of home made honeycomb. / Image: Kala Bistro
Chicken liver pate, farmer’s chutney and wholemeal sourdough toast – a Kala classic. / Image: Kala Bistro
However, fans were quick to pick up on it and quickly commented with a mixture of amusement and approval – with one person simply sending a trio of crying-laughing emojis, followed by a set of clapping hands.
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Intimating its innocence in the joke, Kala replied with the haloed face of an angel – but let’s be honest, there’s no way they didn’t do this on purpose.
After all, a quick look at the Valentine’s page on its website reveals this little nugget: “We always say people who love to eat are our kind of people, so HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY to all you lovers out there!”
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Read into that what you will.
The newly-revealed Valentine’s menu at Kala Bistro is priced at exactly £69 a head. / Image: Kala Bistro
One of Kala’s most recent specials, made with tuna tartare, pickled cucumber, sesame, and salt and vinegar crisps. / Image: Kala Bistro
As for the menu itself, for that £69 it offers some really good value with a total of five courses including bread and butter pudding with ‘burnt toast’ ice cream and a giant rack of lamb, salad, meatballs and gnocchi ‘to share’ as a main.
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With bread and snacks to be enjoyed before starters, followed by mains including a huge roasted lamb rack ‘to share’, desserts, and a signature sweet to finish, it all sounds more than tempting.
Think nibbles like rosemary and thyme focaccia with olive oil and sea salt or seaweed crackers with oyster emulsion, followed by starters of BBQ Hispi cabbage with romesco brown shrimp dressing and salted almonds, confit duck leg with savoury pancake, crispy rice and cucumber relish, and burrata with truffled honey, rocket and hazelnut pesto, grilled sourdough and pickled grapes.
Dark chocolate mousse, coffee caramel, hazelnut praline mousseline, vanilla ice cream. / Image: Kala Bistro
Roast rump of lamb, Shepherds pie, watercress and spinach purée. / image: Kala Bistro
For mains, choices include the aforementioned roasted rack of lamb to share with salad, lamb meatballs and gnocchi marinara, or for the couples that want their own dish, there’s roasted chicken breast, poached halibut loin, and pan-fried potato gnocchi.
And for pudding, Kala’s rhubarb and pistachio trifle is served with white chocolate and a lemon thyme cookie, whilst elsewhere on the menu you’ll find sour cherry bread and butter pudding with Maraschino and burnt toast icecream, and a blood orange choux bun filled with salted dark chocolate custard, vanilla cream and hazelnut brioche.
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Last but not least, you can also each enjoy a marshmallow Krispie to finish before heading home to enjoy a little naughty dessert of your own (or not, whatever floats your boat).
The viral factory in Oldham that sells £2 Colin the Caterpillar cakes
Thomas Melia
A factory in Oldham has gone viral online after sweet fiends discover they sell ‘Colin the Caterpillar’ cakes for less than half price.
There are some things that just go hand in hand: a brew and a biscuit, peanut butter and jelly and Brits and their crazy obsession with a character chocolate cake from M&S called Colin the Caterpillar.
Since hitting the shelves in 1990, more than 15 million Colin the Caterpillars have made their way from supermarket shop floor to our sweet-treat-awaiting plates.
Who would’ve ever guessed that the home to this cheeky chappy, who M&S have made their unofficial mascot (after Percy Pig, of course), has been crafted and created right here in Oldham?
The utterly delicious Colin the Caterpillar cake which you can get for £2 at Park Cakes.The shelves at Park Cakes are stacked with Colins and Connies.Credit: The Manc Eats
Established in 1937, The Park Cake Bakeries – or just Park Cakes, colloquially – has been serving up this critter-inspired cake for over 30 years, and savvy shoppers have flocked to their factory shop to get their hands on some very sweet savings.
There’s a whole range of cakes on offer at this Oldham dessert factory shop, including slabs, sponges, loaves and even sweet pies too.
Whether you’re a firm believer that the birthday person deserves all of Colin’s white-choc face or you precisely cut it up so everyone gets some, Park Cakes has the solution, selling bags of the character’s chocolatey face so you can have one all to yourself.
The cake isn’t the only thing that leaves a sweet taste in your mouth, as the prices will too. Colin the Caterpillar, who normally retails for just under a tenner, is sold for around £2 at this Oldham factory shop.
It’s always the ones that look unassuming, isn’t it?
Alongside producing one of the most adored cakes in the UK, they’re also responsible for lots more of your favourite supermarket sweet treats, and we’re definitely not complaining.
You can let your sweet tooth go wild in this factory shop as they sell everything from rainbow birthday cakes to sticky toffee puddings.
There’s so much on offer too, how about a giant bag packed to the brim with misshapen golden flapjacks that’ll last you over a week and cost you less than a fiver? Sounds like a plan to me.
If you haven’t had enough of your Easter chocolate fix, why not trek over to Oldham and stock up on even more chocolate and sweet treats? Trust us, there’s plenty to choose from.
Park Cakes factory shop can be found on Ashton Road in Oldham and is open from 10am-4pm, so go and grab yourself a seriously sweet deal before everyone else beats you to it.
Mini Colins, small in size but still packed with all that chocolatey goodness.Flapjacks and cookie dough bites are just some of the wonderful treats you might be able to get hold of.Credit: The Manc
Featured Images — The Manc Group/Adam Higgin (via Facebook)
Eats
Kobbie Mainoo shouts out more of his favourite food spots in Manchester
Danny Jones
Man United star Kobbie Mainoo is back putting people onto his favourite places to eat in Manchester, and judging by his picks, he doesn’t just know football – he knows his food spots too.
The Stockport-born footballer turned 20 years old this month, and as well as celebrating leaving his teens with that impressive goal in the comeback against Lyon, the Manchester United midfielder was met with a birthday cake by his club, along with a fun little game of 20 questions.
Sharing the short but insightful Q&A, in which the number 37 dove into his favourite parts of matchdays, the best birthday gift he’s ever received, as well as the tried and tested dream dinner guest lineup.
Naming a very sporty trio of Mike Tyson, Michael Jordan and Jon Jones, the only logical next step was to ask him where his favourite places to eat around Manchester were, to which he answered…
That’s right, spotlighting a personal favourite of ours, the first Manc venue on his list was Pho Cue, the authentic family-run Vietnamese spot known for great value, top-quality street food such as their big hitter bánh mìs, as well as big queues every lunchtime.
If you don’t know already, then get to know.
As you can see, the second place he mentioned with the booked-up-till-kingdom come Onda Pasta Bar, which went viral for its ‘Tiramisu drawer’ last year and opened their first proper restaurant back in June.
Since then, it’s fair to say it’s more popular than ever and you’re lucky to get a table; if you, however, you’ll be treated to some of the most luxurious and indulgent pasta not just in Manchester but probably anywhere in the country, if you ask us.
These latest shout-outs come after Mainoo famously put Salford’s culinary kings, Burgerism, on the nationwide map after name-dropping them in his British GQ interview in November 2024.
You can watch the full thing HERE, but you already know the biggest takeaway from that chat, quite literally: the boy knows his burgers.
Kobbie is actually just one of several famous faces to have proclaimed Burgerism as the best in the business, at least in Greater Manchester of late.
Not only have British influencers Ollie Ball and Jacob Pasquill now become seemingly regular presenters on their social media, but online content creator turned boxer and WWE star Logan Paul also visited the beloved burger joint and reviewed it during a recent visit to the UK.
We’ll confess we’re more likely to take the local lad’s word on board over the bloke who used to make Vines, but it’s just yet more proof that the Manc food scene is top tier.
Come on, just look at the state of these selections:
Not a bad little spread there, Kobb… (Credit: The Manc Eats)
We’re not sure how much of this stuff Mainoo is allowed on the diet sheet, but we can at least confirm that Kobbie knows his Manchester food, and as far as favourites go, we might just stand a chance of becoming best friends yet.
Happy birthday to a young man with a very bright future and hopefully a very active metabolism.
Georgina Pellant -
19th January 2023 
