Sport

Someone’s imagined what a date night with different football managers would be like — and now we want to date Ian Holloway

We would have written this sooner but we've been too busy trying get a hold of their numbers.

Danny Jones Danny Jones - 27th September 2023

Someone on Twitter—sorry, X, has put together a hypothetical thread of what different football managers would be like on a date and we genuinely haven’t stopped laughing.

It’s times like these that we remember how much we love the internet.

The absolutely deviant genius behind this is a lady named Alexandra Haddow: a writer, comedian, columnist and self-proclaimed ‘fashion magpie’ who decided to turn her comic chops to the world of football and footy managers, specifically.

So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to date, say, Pep Guardiola or Mikel Arteta, this may or may not give you some idea of what it might be like. I mean, not really but it’s hilarious and, we’ll warn you, it’s more than a bit naughty.

There’s a total of 15 different imaginary dates with 15 different football managers. Few rival Keegan’s satisfaction levels.
Sadly, Pep couldn’t perform in this fantasy fixture.
Southgate’s too nice for a one-night stand.

We’d try and describe how we’re feeling after reading these but we’ve only just got up after fainting.

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It goes without saying that these spicy takes aren’t only an absolute crease but they’ll probably get you more hot under the collar than all three Fifty Shades books combined.

We genuinely struggled to pick our favourite but her vision of going out with former Leicester, Blackpool and QPR coach, Ian Holloway, had us literally dripping with tears of laughter: “Takes you to life drawing & brings magic mushrooms for both of you. You get kicked out for giggling. Ends up a twilight stroll by the river with ice creams discussing philosophy & your favourite sweet wrappers. Quick one in the bushes on the way home for a laugh.”

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Honestly, we could be here all day sharing these fiery fantasy dates but we’ll leave you to enjoy them at your own (p)leisure.

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Big up Alexandra for putting her mind firmly in the gutter simply for our amusement. She’s also playing here in Manchester next month at Cane and Grain in Northern Quarter in case you fancy enjoying her funnies in person.

The London-based comic has been supporting Frankie Boyle on tour and has received rave reviews following this year’s Edinburgh Festival.

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You can grab tickets for her ‘Not My Finest Hour’ show on 9 October HERE.

Last one, we promise. ‘Big Sam’ would be the ride of your life and you most likely wouldn’t survive…

No words.

For all the latest news, events and goings on in Greater Manchester, subscribe to The Manc newsletter HERE.

Featured Image — Wikimedia Commons/The Manc Group/@BeersnBlues (via Twitter)

Sport

Where to watch Tyson Fury vs Oleskandr Usyk 2 in Manchester city centre

Danny Jones Danny Jones Where to watch Tyson Fury vs Usyk 2 fight in Manchester

Tyson Fury vs Usyk 2: ‘Undisputed’ is nearly upon us with the two contenders fighting to become unified heavyweight champion, and as the biggest fight of the year (at least since the last one), you might rightly be wondering where in Manchester is best to watch it.

With a homegrown albeit controversial talent on one side in Fury and a no-nonsense, not to mention undefeated Ukrainian on the other, there’ll be Mancs cheering for both sides but regardless of who you want to win, we can assure you town is going to be absolutely rammed with fight fans.

That being said, much like getting in the ring itself, you’re best having a game plan if you haven’t already sorted out where you’re going to watch the Fury vs Usyk rematch.

Now, you’re going to want to bank on big rooms with plenty of space for those coming last minute; don’t worry, we’ve got a few ideas and they’re decently spaced out in terms of area too.

Where to watch the Fury vs Usyk 2 fight in Manchester city centre

1. Tank and Paddle – Printworks

tank and paddle printworks manchester
places to watch fury vs usyk in manchester
tank and paddle printworks
Spread across too large floors, it still has all the appeal of the old place and more. (Credit: The Manc Eats)

First up on the list is the newest addition to the Printworks entertainment complex: Tank and Paddle, which has taken over the old Yates site. Specialising in craft beers, cocktails, big pizzas and big screens for live sport, if you used to head here for the boxing before you have even more reason to now.

2. BOX – Deansgate

Next up is arguably the current king of Manchester’s live sports bar scene. Famous for great food, live music, shuffleboard, big steins of beer and even pornstar martinis (yes, whole pitchers of the stuff), as well as its giant jumbotron screen, it’s literally impossible for you to miss a single punch thrown here.

3. Brotherhood – Central

ln at number three is what we refer to as old faithful but, to repeat its true title, is The Brotherhood of Pastimes and Pursuits. We never ever say that name in full but we what do on a regular basis is head here after work, as well as pre and post-matchday to watch the rest of the action and play some games whilst we’re at it. It will be heaving for the fight but if you can book or get there early, you’ll have a ball.

fury vs usyk rematch
is brotherhood showing fury vs usyk 2?
Credit: The Brotherhood (via Facebook)

4. Roxy Ball Room – Manchester Arndale/Deansgate

Speaking of reliable after work and weekend haunts, they don’t get more tried and tested than Roxy Ball Room as we simply like to call her, our lovely lady Roxy. Shuffleboard, bowling, darts, pool, table tennis, basketball machines, beer pong, curling – oh yeah, and you can look up to watch the boxing if you want…

5. Mother Mary’s – Oxford Road Corridor

Fifth and finally, Mother Mary’s is the unsung hero of our list. It’s fast becoming one of our favourite places to watch sport anywhere in town. It’s popped over on New Wakefield St where Manc institution The Font used to be and it won’t stay the city centre’s best kept secret for long, so make sure you grab a table, one the cheapest pints of Guinness around and a seat in front of the big screens whilst you can.

Honourable mention…

Shooters/Bierkeller

Last but not least, we had to throw another suggestion (or two in there) because besides Tank and Paddle in Printworks, there also happens to be the legendary Bierkeller beer hall and the American sports and gaming bar attached it, Shooters, both of which will promise a great crowd for this title fight.

If all else has truly failed, O’Neill’s and Walkabout are just around the corner too – you’ve got to get in somewhere and you really don’t want to miss this clash.

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If you were still wondering where to watch to watch the Fury vs Usyk rematch in central Manchester this Saturday, that handful of suggestions should just about do you in a pinch, just keep in mind that the earlier the better when it comes to events like this.

The two boxers are expect to begin their ring walks at around 10:25pm UK time, so you should have plenty of time to find a good spot to watch the carnage.

Fury has already weighed in more than four stone heavier than Usyk in a bid to get his revenge for the first fight, so god only knows how much of a slug-fest this is going to be.

Judging by that seemingly endless face-off, it looks as though there’s plenty of bad blood going into this. Question is, who are you backing?

For all the latest news, events and goings on in Greater Manchester, subscribe to The Manc newsletter HERE.

Featured Images — The Manc Group/TNT Sports (screenshot via YouTube) BOX (via Instagram)

Sport

Tyson Fury and Oleksandr Usyk separated during face-off after recording-breaking stare-down

Danny Jones Danny Jones Fury v Usyk 2 11-minute face-off

Tyson Fury and Oleksandr Usyk managed to break a new record before the fight had even started during their face-off on Thursday as they engaged in an extremely intense stare-down – the longest in boxing history.

Fury vs Usyk 2 takes place this weekend, with both excitement and now tension around the eagerly-awaited rematch boiling over as the two fighters locked into respective thousand-yard stares as they met on stage in Riyadh ahead of their rematch.

The pre-fight press and build-up had felt a little quiet and understated up until the last couple of weeks but with the two division-conquering heavyweights now set for what looks to be a real battle and an actually believable feud, the anticipation and stakes have never felt higher.

Fury will have to wait until Saturday to get his second shot at beating the Ukrainian but it’s clear that both their heads are very much already in the ring as the pair ultimately had to be pulled apart after an extremely intense and, frankly, awkward 11-minute stare-down.

As you can see, the situation was an unprecedented one and neither Fury nor Usyk seemed willing to flinch or concede even a little bit of ground to the other, resulting in the longest face-off professional boxing has ever seen. It could have gone on longer by the looks of things…

More than 10 minutes passed before either party said a word to each other and it took various members of security, the promoters, Fury’s entourage and Usyk‘s to edge the two away from each other as the Wythenshawe-born boxer eventually appeared to lose his cool.

In addition to trading countless threats and insults as per, the Manc fighter looked visibly red-faced and began perspiring profusely as he became more mobile and agitated; in contrast, his Ukrainian counterpart barely moved an inch from the same spot.

Perhaps the most jarring aspect of the hot-blooded affair was the general pageantry and ceremonial stuff going on around them, as tonnes of Saudi locals danced, got up on tables and played music around them as the face-off came to its conclusion.

However, it was the scenes picked up by cameras as the two were finally separated that many fight fans think have proved most telling, as the 36-year-old launched into a torrent of verbal abuse and expletives after the fact. As they see it, Fury’s ‘meltdown’ shows he’s already lost the first round:

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Usyk didn’t get to enjoy his unified title for very long after beating Tyson the first time around but judging by the level of composure on display, he might already have a leg up in the rematch too.

‘The Gypsy King’ has also been criticised once again for his conduct during the aftermath for homophobic, discriminatory and generally offensive remarks (something he’s come under fire for in the past) though he is yet to address the accusations and is unlikely to with just less than 24 hours before the bell rings.

Fury claims he hasn’t spoken to his wife in three months amidst his busy schedule and strict training camp rules for this fight – another comment he received some flak for online. Whether or not isolating himself has helped his chance, only time will tell.

If you happen to have free time on your hands and nothing better to do, you can watch the whole 11 minutes and change stare-off between Fury and Usyk down below. Better still, give us your predictions: who do you think is going to win this one?

For all the latest news, events and goings on in Greater Manchester, subscribe to The Manc newsletter HERE.

Featured Images — DAZN/TNT Sports (screenshot via YouTube)

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