Gummy bears can be a top-tier sweet treat for all ages, but the bad reviews of these bulk packs on Amazon are enough to put anyone off.
The 1lb pack of Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears have some reviews that are so bad, they really do have to be seen to be believed and we’re honestly not exaggerating either.
They’re awful, but in the best way possible.
There’s so many hilariously bad reviews that are worth including here, but we’ve picked arguably the best (or should we say worst) one to share.
One very unsatisfied customer review reads: “I sit here writing this review at 4am from my porcelain throne, a fixture you will become all too familiar with if you chose to eat these cute little bears from the pits of hell.”
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“I had to eat a pound of these little b****rds after Man City must’ve thought they were playing American football the other week, and lost to a team of Arsenal scrubs. They were a bit chewy but overall, appeared to be nothing more than your average gummy bears. After about 2 hours with little more than some mild stomach cramps, feeling like one would expect from eating a pound of any candy, I began to wonder if I’d gotten some duds.”
“Like the slow build-up of a Martin Scorsese film however, those bears were waiting for their baptism scene to destroy my insides.”
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“It started with the cramping, very akin to doing 1,000 crunches and then being forced to hold the 1,001st crunch indefinitely. Then came the initial “run” which opened the proverbial flood gates. I’m over 30 and I’m beginning to wonder if these bears know that and want to send me back to the can for each year I’ve been on this earth to make me wonder why I’d ever been born.”
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It continues: “In between gastrointestinal bouts of pressure washing the inside of my toilet from my anus, I lay in bed feeling as if someone were to punch me in the stomach, I’d explode, turning the walls of my bedroom into a soiled Jackson Pollock rendition. To give you an idea, I’d spent $50 ordering a UFC pay-per-view only to willingly miss the last 2-3 fights on the main card because I didn’t want to stray too far from my master bathroom. Thankfully for me (and my marriage), fearing what might be coming, I convinced my wife to spend the evening at my sister-in-laws because trust me fellas, nothing will be gained from your significant other experiencing this with you.”
“I’m no longer in pain but am still having to make trips back to my master bath on a regular basis.”
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“Eat these if you dare but be forewarned, they are not to be trifled with unless you want your toilet to be a staging ground for repeat fecal rehearsals of “The Red Wedding” from Game of Thrones.”
Well then – what can we say?
We can only hope this is just a one-off bad batch of gummy bears, although we can’t be too sure.
What we can be sure of though is that these reviews some of the best worst reviews we’ve seen in a long time, so if you want to have a read of the rest of them, and trust us, you absolutely should do, then head on over to the Amazon listing here.
You’ll also be pleased to know that the gummy bears are no longer in-stock too.
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Greater Manchester cinemas to screen family-favourite films for just £2.50 this spring
Emily Sergeant
Greater Manchester cinemas will be screening family-favourite films, and some new releases, all throughout this upcoming spring holidays.
The best bit? Prices start from a massively-affordable £2.50 a ticket.
With Easter right around the corner, and schools across Greater Manchester set to be on their spring holidays in a couple of weeks time, parents and carers will likely be looking for ways to keep the kids entertained while schools are out.
But now it’s time to take care of those film lovers… and also those keen to plan budget-friendly events that also take into account the classic Manchester April showers.
Cinema chain Vue has announced its lineup of family blockbusters showing at venues across Greater Manchester this spring – including Printworks, Lowry, Bolton, Altrincham, and Bury.
Arriving in time for the school holidays, A Minecraft Movie welcomes fans to their favourite cubic wonderland, while the whole family can instead transport themselves into Disney’s reimagining of the 1937 classic Snow White if they’d prefer.
Also returning to the big screen are childhood classics like Wallace & Gromit: Curse of The Were-Rabbit, 20 years after its original release, and the beloved Babe, to celebrate the film’s 30th anniversary.
Greater Manchester cinemas will be screening family-favourite films for just £2.50 this spring / Credit: Disney | Aardman Animations
And as part of Vue’s ‘Mighty Mornings’ offering, film fans can enjoy pre-releases of family-friendly flicks like Sonic the Hedgehog 3 and Moana 2 every day throughout half term, all from just £2.49 per ticket when booked online.
“A trip to Vue this Easter break is the perfect opportunity for families to immerse themselves in the magic of their favourite big screen characters,” commented Rob Lea, who is the Head of Screen Content at Vue UK & Ireland.
“More than just entertainment, it’s a chance for children and parents to switch off, connect, and create lasting memories together.”
Featured Image – Krists Luhaers (via Unsplash)
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Pep Guardiola delivers gutting news as Man City are hit with Erling Haaland injury blow
Danny Jones
Pep Guardiola has passed on some gutting fitness news for Manchester City fans as star striker Erling Haaland is confirmed to be injured for several weeks and could even miss the rest of the Premier League season.
The title might be out of reach this year, and the Champions League knockout against Real Madrid was definitely hard for Blues to take, but with Man City into the semi-finals of the FA Cup, there’s still a very strong chance they could end 2024/25 with a piece of silverware.
However, they’ll have to make it through another two massive rounds at Wembley and seemingly the remainder of the season without Haaland and his goals, as the Catalan coach revealed that the club expects him to be out injured for “six to seven weeks.”
Not exactly how City fans would have wanted to see the rest of an already frustrating season play out.
🗣️ "We don't have another player with his skills."
Relaying diagnosis from the medical team, Pep said the hope is that the big Norwegian number nine could be back for the very tail end of the campaign, but at the very least, he “will be ready for the [FIFA Club] World Cup.”
He went on to add that “these kinds of things happen” and that he feels “sorry” for all of the other injuries that have befell his squad up till now, adding that they can only hope for a speedy recovery and for him to return as soon as possible.
The 24-year-old hasn’t had too many big injury problems in his career thus far, although his longest spell on the sidelines did come at the end of 2023 when a stress fracture kept him out until the new year.
This time around, Haaland suffered an injury to his ankle during the City’s FA Cup win over Bournemouth on Sunday following a challenge from defensive midfielder Lewis Cook.
He was forced in the second half and was seen leaving the Vitality Stadium on crutches after the game.
Erling Haaland seen leaving Bournemouth in a protective boot and crutches. 🤕
Having led the golden boot race for a good chunk of the season – as he’s become accustomed too since he arrived in England – City‘s sub-optimal season has seen him slink into second behind high-flying Mo Salah on 27, but he still has a couple dozen goals and a trio of assists to show for it.
Speaking of Salah, the soon-to-leave ‘Egyptian King’ has been the talisman for Liverpool this season, and his contributions could see them lift the trophy in Arne Slot’s first season as early as 13 April, depending on how fellow title rivals Arsenal fare in their next two matches.
As for how City round out their domestic campaign, reclaiming the FA Cup after last year’s derby disappointment looks like the main goal.
You can watch Pep Guardiola’s press conference ahead of the game against Leicester City at 19:45pm tomorrow (Wednesday, 2 April) in full HERE.
Emily Sergeant -
23rd July 2020 
