Gummy bears can be a top-tier sweet treat for all ages, but the bad reviews of these bulk packs on Amazon are enough to put anyone off.
The 1lb pack of Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears have some reviews that are so bad, they really do have to be seen to be believed and we’re honestly not exaggerating either.
They’re awful, but in the best way possible.
There’s so many hilariously bad reviews that are worth including here, but we’ve picked arguably the best (or should we say worst) one to share.
One very unsatisfied customer review reads: “I sit here writing this review at 4am from my porcelain throne, a fixture you will become all too familiar with if you chose to eat these cute little bears from the pits of hell.”
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“I had to eat a pound of these little b****rds after Man City must’ve thought they were playing American football the other week, and lost to a team of Arsenal scrubs. They were a bit chewy but overall, appeared to be nothing more than your average gummy bears. After about 2 hours with little more than some mild stomach cramps, feeling like one would expect from eating a pound of any candy, I began to wonder if I’d gotten some duds.”
“Like the slow build-up of a Martin Scorsese film however, those bears were waiting for their baptism scene to destroy my insides.”
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“It started with the cramping, very akin to doing 1,000 crunches and then being forced to hold the 1,001st crunch indefinitely. Then came the initial “run” which opened the proverbial flood gates. I’m over 30 and I’m beginning to wonder if these bears know that and want to send me back to the can for each year I’ve been on this earth to make me wonder why I’d ever been born.”
It continues: “In between gastrointestinal bouts of pressure washing the inside of my toilet from my anus, I lay in bed feeling as if someone were to punch me in the stomach, I’d explode, turning the walls of my bedroom into a soiled Jackson Pollock rendition. To give you an idea, I’d spent $50 ordering a UFC pay-per-view only to willingly miss the last 2-3 fights on the main card because I didn’t want to stray too far from my master bathroom. Thankfully for me (and my marriage), fearing what might be coming, I convinced my wife to spend the evening at my sister-in-laws because trust me fellas, nothing will be gained from your significant other experiencing this with you.”
“I’m no longer in pain but am still having to make trips back to my master bath on a regular basis.”
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“Eat these if you dare but be forewarned, they are not to be trifled with unless you want your toilet to be a staging ground for repeat fecal rehearsals of “The Red Wedding” from Game of Thrones.”
Well then – what can we say?
We can only hope this is just a one-off bad batch of gummy bears, although we can’t be too sure.
What we can be sure of though is that these reviews some of the best worst reviews we’ve seen in a long time, so if you want to have a read of the rest of them, and trust us, you absolutely should do, then head on over to the Amazon listing here.
You’ll also be pleased to know that the gummy bears are no longer in-stock too.
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Everton manager Sean Dyche randomly pops up in the music video for Blossoms’ new single – and he’s great
Danny Jones
Did anyone else think they’d ever see Sean Dyche make his acting debut in the role of a Northern crime boss in a silly little music video for the Blossoms?
No, us neither but that’s the bizarre alternate reality we’re living in, apparently.
Blossoms are currently working on the fifth studio album and have already released their lead single entitled, ‘To Do List (After The Break-Up)’, but now they have a new song out as well, with a rather amusing music video to go along with it and somehow Sean Dyche has found himself the star.
The Stockport band teased the curious collaboration in April, giving us just short glimpses of the Everton manager and former Burnley boss with very little explanation – all we know is that it looked funny and it was.
Dyche is still busy trying to finish the Premier League campaign as strong as possible after successfully navigating the Toffees to safety even in spite of their points deductions this season, but it sounds like keeping them up has given him enough time to moonlight as an actor.
Sending the indie five-piece on a mission to collect something of value (yes, that’s all the info we have at this point as the story is still to be continued), it looks like the Kettering-born coach has a larger role to play in whatever this narrative turns out to be.
Playing what can only be described as some kind of semi-Manc mafia figure on the hunt for a very valuable piece of art, i.e. a big giant gorilla statue – one that many Stopfordians spotted being lugged around various parts of the borough –
They also shared a little bit of BTS footage from the shoot for the music video last week. Some lovely head-bobbing and unassuming surroundings here:
As for the track itself, it’s a bit of stylistic change for the lads who’ve mastered their 80s-tinged indie formula over the past decade but it’s an absolute pop and is already stuck in our heads.
Revealing that they’ve collaborated with contemporary funk, disco and electronic icons Jungle on the track, it doesn’t take too long to hear the influences. Look forward to hearing it at Wythenshawe Park this summer.
You can watch the music video for ‘What Can I Say?’ and the ginger-goatee’d football manager extraordinaire in full character HERE.
He’s not the only footballing figure who’s made an entertainment crossover recently either.
Featured Images — Blossoms (via YouTube)/Virgin EMI
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KFC have launched their own perfume – oh, and a new burger
Danny Jones
Fast food giants KFC have launched their very own perfume in one of the weirdest marketing stunts we’ve seen in a long while.
That being said, we definitely want a bottle.
KFC‘s fried chicken-themed fragrance launches next month and is fashionably named ‘No 11 Eau de BBQ’, a nod to their newest menu item, the Ultimate BBQ Burger, which we also want in our possession as soon as humanly possible.
The franchise’s new signature scent launches in just a week’s time and, yes, you can genuinely buy it along with the new burger for a limited time only.
The UK-only release actually sold out when it came to pre-orders but Brits will be able to get their hands on another batch when the second lot drops on 7 May.
Promising a charcoal and smoky wood-scented aroma that immediately transports you to your mate’s back garden as he turns cheap burger patties into overly blackened dry pucks of meat that you definitely would’ve cooked better if you were in charge, the stunt is also helping raise money for non-profits.
Available in 100ml bottles and for just £11, 100% of the proceeds of every sale will go towards the KFC Foundation, which supports grassroots organisations empowering young people to unleash their potential and build a positive future in local communities across the country.
As for the burger that inspired it, the special edition menu item is a nod to BBQ season gradually approaching and they’ve even made a nod to our famously reliable British weather and its attempts to derail the art of outdoor grilling in a new advert.
KFC perfume and a new burger? Christmas has come well early this year.
The Ultimate BBQ Burger has already launched and will be on the menu until 9 June, priced at £6.49 or £9.99 for a box meal which comes with the burger, a regular mini fillet, regular fries, BBQ sauce and a drink.
And don’t worry, it’ll be available on delivery too — we know we’ve had problems with that when it comes to specials in the past.
As KFC’s No 11 Eau de BBQ perfume, you can wait in the online queue like everyone else HERE and let’s just say you’ll be fighting us and plenty of other Mancs for every last drop.