Do you have fond memories of your school dinners, or did they scar you for life so much that you’ve tried to erase them from your memory ever since?
We have to admit that they make us nostalgic whatever way though.
In the week that Bernard Matthews officially announced the #ComebackOfTheCentury in the return of cult-classic school dinner food – the Turkey Twizzler – we thought there is no better time to take a trip down memory lane and have a look back at what was put on our multi-coloured plastic divider trays at lunch time as kids.
Both the retro and the slightly more modern options – we’ll always remember our school dinners.
This list of course isn’t definitive of every school dinner at every primary and secondary school across Greater Manchester spanning multiple decades, so don’t get too enraged if we’ve missed off your favourite food from back in the day.
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These are some of the classics though.
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Turkey Twizzlers
Bernard Matthews
Could we really start this list with anything else?
Before they were ripped from the menu for being too unhealthy for kids by chef Jamie Oliver in 2005, and then manufacturing ceased all together a few years later, Turkey Twizzlers pretty much summed up school dinners.
Why is it that all school dinners, especially primary school dinners, came drenched in beans?
And when we say drenched, we don’t just mean on the side of your plate where you expect them to be, we mean drenched. Baked beans are a classic accompaniment to any meal here in the UK, but perhaps none more so than at school.
We’re not complaining though.
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Cheese Whirls
That soggy cheesy/potato pastry combination will forever be ingrained in our minds.
If it wasn’t a cheese whirl served up at your school, then it was a slice of cheese pie, or perhaps some sort of cheese flan instead.
Whatever way, it was definitely soggy.
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Pasta King
Pasta King
One for the 00s-10s secondary school/college students out there – Pasta King.
Despite the fact it was about 75% water at the bottom and it always left you questioning why it couldn’t have just been drained out first, Pasta King was still a top-tier edition to the lunch time menu.
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Turkey Dinosaurs
If it wasn’t Turkey Twizzlers, then it was Turkey Dinosaurs.
They’re still made by manufacturers Bernard Matthews to this day, but probably don’t make their way onto school dinner plates quite as often. They never got quite as bad of a rep as Turkey Twizzlers, but maybe that’s because Jamie Oliver just didn’t want to force the turkey kind of dinosaurs into extinction after the real ones already had.
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Shout out to the other classic school dinner foods of potato smiley faces, spaghetti hoops and chips in the picture too.
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Crinkle-Cut Carrots
The carrots were always cut like this.
Why? Was it to make them look a little more exciting and appealing to kids? We’ve no idea.
The only thing we can guess at is that they’re probably bought cut like that in the packet, because we’ve never seen a carrot grow in that shape.
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School Dinner Sponge
Need we say more?
There’s perhaps no other school dinner dessert that was so well-loved by all than the classic ‘School Dinner Sponge Cake’ with the icing and multi-coloured sprinkles, and even to this day, people all across the UK are trying their hands at recreating the recipe at home.
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Angel Delight
AKA pink custard
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It was commonly known by kids as the ‘pink custard’, but is that really what it was? According to the Angel Delight packaging, it’s just described as a “dessert”, which really doesn’t give much away at all.
Not that it matters though – Angel Delight was a welcomed addition to any school dinner menu.
There are also multiple other flavours in the Angel Delight range, including chocolate, banana and butterscotch, but strawberry seemed to be the winner with lunch staff in schools and for that reason, it will always be known as ‘pink custard’.
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Arctic Roll
Arctic Roll / Birds Eye
You knew it was a good day when Arctic Roll was on the menu.
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We’re not really sure why it was such a taste combination revelation because in theory, it really shouldn’t work should it? And yes, nine times out of ten the cake was really dry, but we loved it anyway.
If ice cream and cake is an acceptable choice, then why not just stick the ice cream in the cake?
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Choc Ices
Choc Ices – who can forget that paper-thin blue and white striped packet?
In contradiction to the excitement you felt when Arctic Roll was on the menu, Choc Ices always just seemed to be a bit of a let down, didn’t they? Like a cop-out dessert chosen at the last minute, but looking back now though, we probably gave them a bit of a hard time.
A Choc Ice would go down quite well right about now.
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Erling Haaland dresses up as Santa and hands out Christmas presents in Greater Manchester
Danny Jones
Manchester City star Erling Haaland has doubled as Father Christmas in his latest YouTube stunt, dressing up as Santa and handing out presents to local kids in the new episode.
We’re starting to think he might be one of the most likeable footballers on the planet right now.
The Norwegian footballer recently surpassed Alan Shearer’s ‘fastest to 100 goals record’ in the Premier League and has been well and truly back to his best as Man City continue to rediscover their form, but the big blonde number nine has been delighting both on and off the pitch of late.
For starters, even before any of the season’s givings began, we got the giggle just from our first glimpse of the thumbnail.
Yes, Haaland definitely has a habit of leaning into the humorous side of his celebrity status, having already dressed up as the Joker for Halloween in one of the first episodes published on his still relatively new YouTube channel.
However, the 25-year-old got up to some more heartwarming activities this time around, swapping the face paint, green wig and stripey suit for a red coat, hat, some little glasses and a big white beard.
With the video itself showing him getting into character and loading his car with a sack full of presents, he then goes on to visit multiple houses to dish out the surprise gifts.
While the title and description state that he drove around the streets of 0161, it’s hard to tell where exactly he went, but we’d guess it was more around Alderley Edge and/or the Cheshire side of the Greater Manchester borders.
One particular interaction between the disguised Blue and a young Red certainly produced a harmless little bit of comedy…
Either way, on the whole, this particular instalment was more wholesome than it was funny, and it’s always nice to see sports personalities and famous people spreading kindness.
Obviously, not everyone can afford to be as generous as a Premier League and world-famous international athlete, but it’s nevertheless a nice touch.
Featured Images — Erling Haaland (screenshots via YouTube)
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Kobbie Mainoo’s brother sends three-word message to Man United after Old Trafford stunt
Danny Jones
Kobbie Mainoo’s brother, Jordan Kwadwo Osei Mainoo-Hames, has caused quite a stir online after sending a simple but definitive three-word message to Manchester United and head coach Ruben Amorim, in the form of a publicity stunt.
In case you missed the blockbuster eight-goal thriller at Old Trafford on Monday night, the scoreline wasn’t the only headline on the night.
Man United managed to give up their one-nil lead right on two separate occasions, and despite clawing their way back to 4-3 with just over 10 minutes of regulation time left on the clock, ultimately went on to concede an equaliser in the 84th minute.
Despite Kobbie Mainoo’s receiving a rapturous round of cheers and applause when he was subbed on in the second half, not to mention adding some real dynamism in the middle of the park, any notion of his contribution has now been overshadowed by his sibling.
As you can see, Jordan Mainoo-Hames – who found fame after appearing on series five of reality TV show Love Island (2019) – took the opportunity to capitalise on the ongoing narrative regarding Kobbie and his relationship with the current United boss.
For months now, there has been much speculation around whether the Stockport-born youth product will stay at his boyhood club or leave in the next couple of transfer windows, given that he’s only been afforded limited minutes under the Portuguese manager.
Amorim, who has collected just 24 Premier League points since arriving last November, maintains that he recognises Mainoo’s but, crucially, sees him as competing for the same position as Bruno Fernandes.
Now a model for a number of big brands, he’s no stranger to posing in clothes, but in this case, it all centred around a simple black t-shirt simply reading ‘Free Kobbie Mainoo’ in plain white text, seemingly imitating Nike’s ‘Just Do It’ font.
Safe to say that despite catching the eye of plenty in and around the stadium, as well as countless more online, it hasn’t gone down particularly well with a good chunk of the supporters.
Even neutrals have hopped on social media to label the stunt everything from “embarrassing” and causing an “unnecessary” distraction to urging the 20-year-old to distance himself from the stunt and/or his half-brother.
Utter nonsense. His brother turning up at Old Trafford in a ‘Free Kobbie Mainoo’ tee is pure embarrassment. Clout-chasing disguised as support, when the player’s interests should be the priority. We’ve seen this playbook from families before… https://t.co/9p5uognVsX
For many fans, the incident was reminiscent of the Alejandro Garnacho situation: another promising youngster whose family’s outspoken nature on social media, along with his own, ultimately soured his relationship with Amorim to the point of leaving the club this past summer.
Rather notably, Garnacho ruffled even more feathers earlier this month after responding to a question about any potential regrets over how his time at the club ended…
As for his former fellow academy graduate, it is looking increasingly likely that he may at least leave on loan this January in search of more regular football, especially with the 2026 World Cup looming.
Whether you’re a Red or not, we’re interested to hear what you make of the whole mess. Let us know down in the comments.
You can see the highlights from the frankly bonkers game against Bournemouth down below.
Emily Sergeant -
18th August 2020 
