Manchester restaurant creates cheeky £69 per head Valentine’s menu
Intimating its innocence in the joke, Kala replied with the haloed face of an angel - but let's be honest, there's no way they didn't do this on purpose.
Top Manchester bistro Kala has revealed its Valentine’s menu for 2023 and it’s equal parts naughty, raunchy, and (if you’re a little immature like us) downright funny.
No, we’re not referring to the chef’s dishes (although they do sound absolutely stunning). Rather, the thing that caught our eye was the price: with loved-up diners being charged exactly £69 per head to enjoy the romantic supper.
Surely someone’s got to be having a laugh on this one, and we’re absolutely cackling. Their followers clearly think it’s funny too, that is if the comments on the restaurant’s recent Instagram post are anything to go by.
Shared with the simple caption “Love is in the air. Valentine’s Day bookings now open”, the original menu post on the restaurant’s page makes no reference to the tongue-in-cheek price.
Mini doughnuts with dark chocolate sauce, honeycomb ice-cream and a nice slab of home made honeycomb. / Image: Kala Bistro
Chicken liver pate, farmer’s chutney and wholemeal sourdough toast – a Kala classic. / Image: Kala Bistro
However, fans were quick to pick up on it and quickly commented with a mixture of amusement and approval – with one person simply sending a trio of crying-laughing emojis, followed by a set of clapping hands.
Intimating its innocence in the joke, Kala replied with the haloed face of an angel – but let’s be honest, there’s no way they didn’t do this on purpose.
After all, a quick look at the Valentine’s page on its website reveals this little nugget: “We always say people who love to eat are our kind of people, so HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY to all you lovers out there!”
Read into that what you will.
The newly-revealed Valentine’s menu at Kala Bistro is priced at exactly £69 a head. / Image: Kala Bistro
One of Kala’s most recent specials, made with tuna tartare, pickled cucumber, sesame, and salt and vinegar crisps. / Image: Kala Bistro
As for the menu itself, for that £69 it offers some really good value with a total of five courses including bread and butter pudding with ‘burnt toast’ ice cream and a giant rack of lamb, salad, meatballs and gnocchi ‘to share’ as a main.
With bread and snacks to be enjoyed before starters, followed by mains including a huge roasted lamb rack ‘to share’, desserts, and a signature sweet to finish, it all sounds more than tempting.
Think nibbles like rosemary and thyme focaccia with olive oil and sea salt or seaweed crackers with oyster emulsion, followed by starters of BBQ Hispi cabbage with romesco brown shrimp dressing and salted almonds, confit duck leg with savoury pancake, crispy rice and cucumber relish, and burrata with truffled honey, rocket and hazelnut pesto, grilled sourdough and pickled grapes.
Dark chocolate mousse, coffee caramel, hazelnut praline mousseline, vanilla ice cream. / Image: Kala Bistro
Roast rump of lamb, Shepherds pie, watercress and spinach purée. / image: Kala Bistro
For mains, choices include the aforementioned roasted rack of lamb to share with salad, lamb meatballs and gnocchi marinara, or for the couples that want their own dish, there’s roasted chicken breast, poached halibut loin, and pan-fried potato gnocchi.
And for pudding, Kala’s rhubarb and pistachio trifle is served with white chocolate and a lemon thyme cookie, whilst elsewhere on the menu you’ll find sour cherry bread and butter pudding with Maraschino and burnt toast icecream, and a blood orange choux bun filled with salted dark chocolate custard, vanilla cream and hazelnut brioche.
Last but not least, you can also each enjoy a marshmallow Krispie to finish before heading home to enjoy a little naughty dessert of your own (or not, whatever floats your boat).
Popular Manchester cafe and bakery Gooey brilliantly responds to ‘2/10’ TikTok review
Daisy Jackson
Gooey, easily one of Manchester’s busiest bakeries and brunch spots, has clapped back at a negative review on TikTok with a refreshingly honest statement.
The local business shot to fame initially with its chunky, gooey cookies, but has since expanded from its hatch to have its very own cafe, famed for its enormous French toasts and its sandwiches made with baked-in-house Shokupan bread.
Generally, Gooey gets an incredibly good rap, with queues that speak for themselves stretching from its doors down High Street.
But one TikToker has shared a less favourable video review of the business, slamming it as ‘one of the most disappointing food experiences I’ve ever had in my life’.
The reviewer in question specialises in finding places you could eat comfortably as a solo diner, and ranked Gooey an overall 8/10 – but slated the food at a 2/10.
And now Gooey has shared their side of things, defending themselves against the reviewer’s claims that the food is ‘expensive’ and ‘tastes like it could have been made at Greggs’.
“Not everyone is going to like what you do and that is absolutely fair enough,” they wrote in a statement.
Gooey continued: “We’re not usually in the business of responding to negative reviews.
Gooey clapped back at the review that said its sandwiches were ‘too expensive’
“What has made us respond to this review is how often I’m seeing local businesses like ours targeted on costs.”
The cafe then justified the £10.90 cost for a bacon and egg sandwich, pointing out the bacon is cured in-house and cut thick every day by hand; the bread is also baked in-house daily; even the ketchup and brown sauce are made from scratch.
“With all that said, yes, we do have to charge more than you would pay for a bacon butty at Greggs.
“Listen, I understand this criticism. I used to get a bacon and egg butty before college for £1.95 from my local butty shop.
“We cannot do that here. We are paying Manchester City Centre rent. We employ a team of chefs, bakers, front of house, and more.
“And we are trying to make the best version of a bacon sandwich that we could.”
Chunky cookies at GooeyThe Gooey French toast that the review claimed was ‘too sweet’
As for the complaints that the French toast is ‘too sweet’, Gooey clapped back: “Yes, our French Toast is sweet. It’s filled with dulce de leche and topped with maple syrup.
“We personally love it and it’s our most popular item but if you don’t like sweet things, you might not like it!”
Finally, in defence of rising prices across the hospitality industry, they signed off with this brilliant piece of insight.
“Every single independent cafe, restaurant and bar across this country is charging more than they would like to be doing for their dishes.
“In 99.99% of cases, this is not greed, or us being thick, or trying to rip people off. It is simply the only way to survive with the costs we are facing.
“Even then, many of us are struggling to make it work.”
Anyone fancy meeting at Gooey for a bacon sandwich later then?
Government to ban the sale of energy drinks to children under 16
Emily Sergeant
The Government is to consult on banning the sale of ‘high-caffeine’ energy drinks to children under the age of 16.
Currently, it’s thought that around 100,000 children consume at least one high caffeine energy drink every day, and there is said to be ‘growing evidence’ that links these drinks to harmful effects on children – including things like disrupted sleep, increased anxiety, poor concentration, and reduced educational outcomes.
So, in a bid to ‘boost kids’ health’, both physical and mental, plans set out today will stop retailers from selling the drinks to those under 16.
The Government believes this move could prevent obesity in up to 40,000 children and deliver health benefits worth tens of millions of pounds.
The proposal would make it illegal to sell high-caffeine energy drinks containing more than 150mg of caffeine per litre to anyone aged under 16 years across all retailers – including online, in shops, restaurants, cafes and vending machines.
The proposals would not affect lower-caffeine soft drinks nor tea and coffee.
Government to ban the sale of energy drinks to children under 16 / Credit: NeedPic
Many major retailers already voluntarily restrict sales, but research suggests that some smaller convenience stores continue selling to children.
Leaders and ministers say early intervention is ‘crucial’ if they are to deliver on their pledge to create the healthiest generation of children ever.
The move to ban energy drinks for under 16s is backed by parents, teachers, and also teaching unions who report on pupils being unable to concentrate and focus because of them, and even so far as to negatively affecting grades and academic performance.
Acting now to improve children’s wellbeing will not only help give them the best start in life and prevent them from a lifetime of poor health, the Government claims, but also deliver tens of millions of pounds of health benefits, as well as future savings for the NHS and increased economic productivity.
The proposal aims to boost kids’ health, both physically and mentally / Credit: Pexels
“How can we expect children to do well at school if they have the equivalent of four cans of cola in their system on a daily basis?” commented Health and Social Care Secretary, Wes Streeting.
“Energy drinks might seem harmless, but the sleep, concentration, and wellbeing of today’s kids are all being impacted, while high sugar versions damage their teeth and contribute to obesity
“As part of our Plan for Change and shift from treatment to prevention, we’re acting on the concerns of parents and teachers and tackling the root causes of poor health and educational attainment head on.
Georgina Pellant -
19th January 2023 
