Manchester restaurant creates cheeky £69 per head Valentine’s menu
Intimating its innocence in the joke, Kala replied with the haloed face of an angel - but let's be honest, there's no way they didn't do this on purpose.
Top Manchester bistro Kala has revealed its Valentine’s menu for 2023 and it’s equal parts naughty, raunchy, and (if you’re a little immature like us) downright funny.
No, we’re not referring to the chef’s dishes (although they do sound absolutely stunning). Rather, the thing that caught our eye was the price: with loved-up diners being charged exactly £69 per head to enjoy the romantic supper.
Surely someone’s got to be having a laugh on this one, and we’re absolutely cackling. Their followers clearly think it’s funny too, that is if the comments on the restaurant’s recent Instagram post are anything to go by.
Shared with the simple caption “Love is in the air. Valentine’s Day bookings now open”, the original menu post on the restaurant’s page makes no reference to the tongue-in-cheek price.
Mini doughnuts with dark chocolate sauce, honeycomb ice-cream and a nice slab of home made honeycomb. / Image: Kala Bistro
Chicken liver pate, farmer’s chutney and wholemeal sourdough toast – a Kala classic. / Image: Kala Bistro
However, fans were quick to pick up on it and quickly commented with a mixture of amusement and approval – with one person simply sending a trio of crying-laughing emojis, followed by a set of clapping hands.
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Intimating its innocence in the joke, Kala replied with the haloed face of an angel – but let’s be honest, there’s no way they didn’t do this on purpose.
After all, a quick look at the Valentine’s page on its website reveals this little nugget: “We always say people who love to eat are our kind of people, so HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY to all you lovers out there!”
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Read into that what you will.
The newly-revealed Valentine’s menu at Kala Bistro is priced at exactly £69 a head. / Image: Kala Bistro
One of Kala’s most recent specials, made with tuna tartare, pickled cucumber, sesame, and salt and vinegar crisps. / Image: Kala Bistro
As for the menu itself, for that £69 it offers some really good value with a total of five courses including bread and butter pudding with ‘burnt toast’ ice cream and a giant rack of lamb, salad, meatballs and gnocchi ‘to share’ as a main.
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With bread and snacks to be enjoyed before starters, followed by mains including a huge roasted lamb rack ‘to share’, desserts, and a signature sweet to finish, it all sounds more than tempting.
Think nibbles like rosemary and thyme focaccia with olive oil and sea salt or seaweed crackers with oyster emulsion, followed by starters of BBQ Hispi cabbage with romesco brown shrimp dressing and salted almonds, confit duck leg with savoury pancake, crispy rice and cucumber relish, and burrata with truffled honey, rocket and hazelnut pesto, grilled sourdough and pickled grapes.
Dark chocolate mousse, coffee caramel, hazelnut praline mousseline, vanilla ice cream. / Image: Kala Bistro
Roast rump of lamb, Shepherds pie, watercress and spinach purée. / image: Kala Bistro
For mains, choices include the aforementioned roasted rack of lamb to share with salad, lamb meatballs and gnocchi marinara, or for the couples that want their own dish, there’s roasted chicken breast, poached halibut loin, and pan-fried potato gnocchi.
And for pudding, Kala’s rhubarb and pistachio trifle is served with white chocolate and a lemon thyme cookie, whilst elsewhere on the menu you’ll find sour cherry bread and butter pudding with Maraschino and burnt toast icecream, and a blood orange choux bun filled with salted dark chocolate custard, vanilla cream and hazelnut brioche.
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Last but not least, you can also each enjoy a marshmallow Krispie to finish before heading home to enjoy a little naughty dessert of your own (or not, whatever floats your boat).
10 major restaurants and bars that have closed in Manchester already this year
Daisy Jackson
We are barely a quarter of the way through the year, and already it feels like Manchester is having a brutal year of restaurant and bar closures.
Already this year we’ve bid farewell to restaurants that should, in any other economic climate, stood the test of time.
We’re talking long-standing neighbourhood favourites, restaurants that have caught the eye of the prestigious Michelin Guide, local institutions, and award-winning bars.
But, with the hospitality industry battling ever-increasing costs and a stark lack of support from the Government, we might be seeing a lot more of this to come, industry insiders have warned.
We’ve rounded up 10 restaurant and bar closures that have shocked Manchester already this year.
Climat
Climat has laid their finances bare in their closing statementMichelin-recommended rooftop restaurant Climat has closed its doors with immediate effect
A real wake-up call for everyone about the dire circumstances facing hospitality landed last month, when Climat closed its doors for good. Despite a Michelin Guide recommendation, rave reviews across the board, and an enviable location with views across Manchester, the finances for the restaurant just didn’t stack up. And they were brutally honest about those finances in their closing statement. Climat’s founder listed an annual energy bill of £112k a year, a 33% increase in staff wages, and a jump in business rates from £12,000 a year to £38,000 a year among the reasons for its closure.
One of the Northern Quarter’s longest-standing restaurants announced it would be closing its doors for good back in February. In a brutally honest statement TNQ said that it had become ‘no longer viable’ to run the restaurant, listing costs like an £8k a month energy bill. This independent business said it was focused on paying the staff ‘every penny they’re owed’ and finding them all new jobs in the industry.
KAJI
Glitzy Manchester restaurant KAJI has quietly shut downKAJI
KAJI opened on Bridge Street back in 2022, a big glitzy, futuristic restaurant space with a modern Japanese menu, which quickly drew in all sorts of glamorous customers (like when Ilkay Gundogan’s wife – who had famously described Manchester’s restaurant scene as ‘horrible’ – actually liked the food here).
But despite a rebrand from MUSU to KAJI and pulling in some impressive chefs, it appears that this glamorous spot has closed for good last month, with repossession notices now in the windows.
The restaurant remained silent on its closure, but it’s no longer possible to book a table here.
Restaurant Orme
Restaurant Orme in Urmston has announced its shock closure. Credit: Instagram, @littlemcrhouse
This is a bit of a weird one because it hasn’t actually closed yet – but Restaurant Orme in Urmston has notified followers that with ‘great sadness’ they are intending to sell the business.
In a statement, the Michelin-recommended restaurant acknowledged the ‘significant economic pressures’ facing the restaurant industry, writing: “We find an increasing disparity between perceived value and the true cost of operations, rendering long-term sustainability unfeasible.”
But they also detailed that a break in their lease has allowed them to ‘thoughtfully consider’ their circumstances and make the ‘right choice for our growing families’.
You’ve still got time to visit, but I wouldn’t delay.
Topkapi
Just this month, we’ve had to bid goodbye to a bit of a local institution.
Topkapi Palace has closed its doors on Deansgate after almost five decades in the city, making it the longest-running Turkish restaurant in Manchester.
This one triggered a wave of discussion, with one local operator warning: “If we keep letting places like this go, we lose more than food, we lose culture, history, identity.”
Peaky Blinders
Peaky Blinders bar in Manchester has closed with immediate effect
This one maybe stuck around for a bit longer than anyone expected, if we’re being honest, but the enormous Peaky Blinders-inspired bar on Peter Street shut down back in March.
Peaky Blinders opened back in 2018 in the former Sakana site, with plenty of nods to the popular Netflix series – including oil paintings of the main characters on the wall.
Peaky Blinders said in a statement: “It is with an extremely heavy heart that we unfortunately have to announce the closure of Peaky Blinders Manchester with immediate effect. We are devastated it has had to end this way, but grateful for the journey.”
It was known and loved for its epic happy hour deals and its bottomless brunches, but glitzy Spinningfields bar Banyan shut down right at the start of this year.
It’s part of the Arc Inspirations group that also operates Manahatta and Box, and still operates another Banyan across town at the Corn Exchange.
Their sign in the door read: “Thank you so much for your custom over the years, we’ve loved being part of this wonderful city and have made so many friends.
“Don’t be a stranger, we’d love to continue to welcome you to our Banyan bar in the Corn Exchange. Team Banyan.”
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House of Fu
One of Manchester’s coolest ramen spots quietly closed its doors in March, saying the site just ‘doesn’t click’.
House of Fu opened just two and a half years ago on Portland Street, following major success across in Leeds.
They wrote: “It’s been a wild two and a half years. To say the economic landscape has been challenging would be a bit of an understatement, but sometimes a site just doesn’t click. You live and hopefully learn.”
Project Halcyon
Project Halcyon also made the Top 50 Cocktail Bars list. Credit: The Manc GroupProject Halcyon also made the Top 50 Cocktail Bars list. Credit: The Manc Group
Project Halcyon was formerly named one of the best cocktail bars in the UK, famed for its speakeasy-style setting that drew inspiration from Prohibition-era Chicago.
But it closed for good back in February, writing: “Project Halcyon has poured its last cocktail.
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“It was with sincere regret that due to unexpected challenges at the ownership level we must close our doors for the foreseeable. Though we say goodbye, the memories live on.
“Thank you to everyone who shared in our craft, our community, and our story.”
Simmons
London-born bar brand Simmons closed their Manchester site just over a year after opening their first Northern location, right in the heart of one of town’s busiest nightlife strips.
An otherwise well-established and popular chain down south, Simmons had a total of 15 different bars in central London, but things clearly didn’t quite take off as planned here in Manchester.
They wrote: “It’s never easy to say goodbye. We’re incredibly proud of what the team built here and so grateful to them, as well as everyone who joined us over the past year.
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“We’ve had some unforgettable nights. We love Manchester, and we hope to be back under the right conditions.”
The Marble Arch is increasingly becoming much more than a pub – it’s now a brilliant Manc bistro
Danny Jones
If you’ve been to The Marble Inn in Manchester before, you’ll know it’s always nailed cosy Northern pub vibes; to tell the truth, the food has always been pretty good, too, but their new menu is really something to write home about.
So we did.
The historic old boozer located on Rochdale Road has sat there in some shape or form since way back in 1888, and naturally, things have evolved significantly over the years – decades, certainly.
But the latest iteration of food and drink at the increasingly forward-thinking Marble Arch Inn is a cut above, bringing together a fusion of current culinary trends and contemporary takes on pub classics.
No. 73 enters a new chapterOne of the best pies we’ve probably ever hadCredit: The Manc Eats
Now just over a month into its run at the home of Marble Brewers just beyond Ancoats, it feels rather fitting that this place has always sat on the cusp of surrounding districts in somewhat of a Manc no-man’s land, as there’s something about this place that feels like it’s dancing on the line of a scene.
Recently installed head chef Adam Shatarsky is still self-admittedly pretty green in comparison to lots of other local chefs, as he’s only been cooking for around five years, but his spells at Mackie Mayor’s Taiko and Cardinal Rule in NQ have already proved he’s got to grips with how the city eats.
His food just keeps getting better and more confident in experimentation, it would seem – as proven with this approach to Marble Arch classics like fish and chips, their pies, burgers, the treasured Sunday roast and so on.
The difference is now that some of these mainstays and undeniable British favourites have been levelled up quite significantly. Now there’s bone marrow in the mince used for those oh-so-juicy patties; toast is fried in beef fat to dovetail with a tartare dish, and the chips are some of the best you’ll find in a pub.
Seriously, they even use the Brewery‘s new cult favourite Earl Grey keg flavour to make their rarebit recipe. In fact, when one local punter saw that the staff were enjoying a posh chip butty with wild garlic and mushrooms for the staff, they couldn’t help but ask for one, and now it’s a special menu item.
A familiar faceThree small plates for £25Credit: The Manc
This is the kind of ethos they’re trying to keep across the board: attempting new things and trying to be more modern when it’s appropriate, but still holding onto their traditions and looking after their regulars.
Adam’s only ever trained in British kitchens, so he admitted doesn’t know any different really, but he does know the global variety offlavours and textures he likes and is not afraid of trying to find ways to make even the most contrasting ones come together.
Case in point: freezing and shaving feta over lemon ricotta and fresh beetroots. Stunning.
He’s even brought over a variation of his popular fried chicken sando from Taiko, though this one has nowhere near as much of that Eastern heat, and instead focuses on the theme of making hearty and filling comfort food.
For instance, there’s an undercurrent of just that extra little bit of richness running throughout the menu, from the bone marrow that makes already satisfying dishes even more indulgent, to the tallow, truffle and drippings that are used to great effect.
The same goes for the use of cheese, as well: even in the simply incredible mixed mature cheddar and red Leicester curd that surrounds that singular 72-hour caramelised onions (wow doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of our for this one.
All of them are big top-note flavours, sure, but none of them overpowers the overall taste, whether it be brining and curing chicken in dark brown sugar and soy, or a 16-hour low and slow braised beef that literally melts in the mouth from the bread and the butter to the eventual meaty bite.
We can’t speak highly enough of what is now being served out of The Marble Arch Inn’s kitchen, and truly believe what Adam and the existing pub team are now doing is brilliant and very much worth shouting about.
Can’t beat a burger and beerSuch a cosy spotMmmmadeleinesCredit: The Manc Group
Georgina Pellant -
19th January 2023 
