It’s funny being an England fan: you’re always a mix of total cynicism and disbelief that we’ll ever win anything but there’s a little voice in the back of your head that still whispers, ‘It’s coming home’ – and after looking at some of the stats from our squad this season, that voice sounds a little louder.
On Wednesday night, Manchester City star Phil Foden went 21-up for goals this Premier League campaign, not to mention 10 assists to boot, and our brains have already started drifting to visions of him creating or scoring an all-important goal at the Euros this summer.
Undoubtedly one of the rising stars in world football, not just England, the Stopfordian midfielder is having his best statistical season ever there’s no doubt he already looks at home on the biggest stage following the treble last year, but it’s also the company he’s now joined that’s getting us really excited.
As it turns out, not only does Foden have the stats to back it up but he’s also just the fifth player to manage 20+ goals and 10+ (and without penalties) across all of Europe’s top five leagues this season. We were also delighted to find out that only one of those other players wasn’t English:
Five players have registered 20+ goals and 10+ assists in Europe's big five leagues this season, across all competitions 🔥
England players putting up these kinds of stats is making us believe we could actually win something.
When putting things into a wider European perspective (which we have to start doing now the tournament is just over two months away), you can’t help but start to feel more positive when you hear that key members of Gareth Southgate‘s squad are putting up the best numbers on the continent.
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Although Harry Kane will obviously be starting presumably every game unless we romp through the group stage, having a second striker in Ollie Watkins, who is also having his best season in the top flight and looks to be leading a team outside of the ‘big six’ into the European spots, is not a bad place to be in.
Better still, with Ivan Toney having now returned from his lengthy league ban and already back to scoring, it seems the Three Lions boss has plenty of options up front when the Euros rolls around. Even Marcus Rashford is on 14 all-told in a fairly off-season for him.
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In fact, it may have been a problem for England teams in recent years but this current squad seems to have attacking players galore, with the likes of Bukayo Saka, Jarrod Bowen and Cole Palmer all on 20 goal contributions each this season too.
Bowen himself said he wants to give Southgate as big a selection headache as possible, whereas Palmer turning one goal into a hattrick in stoppage time on Thursday to make it 21 goals and a dozen assists is the kind of match-winning mentality you want in your squad. These are good problems to have.
✈️ This is the most likely England squad for the Euros based on the odds
On paper, you can’t deny it’s a seriously impressive squad.
And then we come to that all-important midfield, which has also historically caused us a dilemma at major tournaments, either through not having enough creative players or the right balance between defence and attack. The classic Scholes-Gerrard-Lampard-Beckham problem.
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We don’t want to get carried away but this year it looks like we might have one of the best lineups in the middle of the park you could hope for not only in quality and balance as mentioned before but in depth, physicality and overall engine too.
With Jude Bellingham being quite literally one of the best players on the planet right now and having quickly become a ‘galáctico’ star at Real Madrid in his first season and Declan Rice proving why everyone wanted to sign him as he’s been instrumental in Arsenal’s title race, it’s hard not to dream.
Oh, and we can’t forget about the latest inclusion to the squad in Man United‘s phenomenal young midfielder, Kobbie Mainoo, another Stockport-born starlet who hasn’t only just looked like the most mature player on the pitch at club level but earned player of the match on his very first England start.
Mainoo has been virtually undroppable since bursting onto the scene and after Ian Wright and countless other fans said he simply has to be in the squad, it already looks like he’s done one better and forced himself into most people’s starting 11.
We’re not ones to get overly obsessed with the most specific of stats but what we will say is that all three of these England players boast great numbers when it comes to passes played and accuracy, dribbles completed, tackles and low turnover rates when pressured – Mainoo, especially, at such a young age.
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To cut a long story short, what we’re saying is that there is a supreme amount of talent in this squad and even aside from things like xG and all those more minute metrics, it’s a really energetic squad with some key experienced players all throughout the spine to help keep the younger players more grounded.
Whether or not Southgate is around after Euro 2024 remains to be seen and although there are lots of players to build around in the future, it looks like this is arguably his best chance to win something as England manager. It’s all there on the table, we’ve just got to believe. It’s coming home.
Featured Images — Man City (via IG)/Harry Kane (via IG)/England (via IG)
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Erling Haaland dresses up as Santa and hands out Christmas presents in Greater Manchester
Danny Jones
Manchester City star Erling Haaland has doubled as Father Christmas in his latest YouTube stunt, dressing up as Santa and handing out presents to local kids in the new episode.
We’re starting to think he might be one of the most likeable footballers on the planet right now.
The Norwegian footballer recently surpassed Alan Shearer’s ‘fastest to 100 goals record’ in the Premier League and has been well and truly back to his best as Man City continue to rediscover their form, but the big blonde number nine has been delighting both on and off the pitch of late.
For starters, even before any of the season’s givings began, we got the giggle just from our first glimpse of the thumbnail.
Yes, Haaland definitely has a habit of leaning into the humorous side of his celebrity status, having already dressed up as the Joker for Halloween in one of the first episodes published on his still relatively new YouTube channel.
However, the 25-year-old got up to some more heartwarming activities this time around, swapping the face paint, green wig and stripey suit for a red coat, hat, some little glasses and a big white beard.
With the video itself showing him getting into character and loading his car with a sack full of presents, he then goes on to visit multiple houses to dish out the surprise gifts.
While the title and description state that he drove around the streets of 0161, it’s hard to tell where exactly he went, but we’d guess it was more around Alderley Edge and/or the Cheshire side of the Greater Manchester borders.
One particular interaction between the disguised Blue and a young Red certainly produced a harmless little bit of comedy…
Either way, on the whole, this particular instalment was more wholesome than it was funny, and it’s always nice to see sports personalities and famous people spreading kindness.
Obviously, not everyone can afford to be as generous as a Premier League and world-famous international athlete, but it’s nevertheless a nice touch.
Featured Images — Erling Haaland (screenshots via YouTube)
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Kobbie Mainoo’s brother sends three-word message to Man United after Old Trafford stunt
Danny Jones
Kobbie Mainoo’s brother, Jordan Kwadwo Osei Mainoo-Hames, has caused quite a stir online after sending a simple but definitive three-word message to Manchester United and head coach Ruben Amorim, in the form of a publicity stunt.
In case you missed the blockbuster eight-goal thriller at Old Trafford on Monday night, the scoreline wasn’t the only headline on the night.
Man United managed to give up their one-nil lead right on two separate occasions, and despite clawing their way back to 4-3 with just over 10 minutes of regulation time left on the clock, ultimately went on to concede an equaliser in the 84th minute.
Despite Kobbie Mainoo’s receiving a rapturous round of cheers and applause when he was subbed on in the second half, not to mention adding some real dynamism in the middle of the park, any notion of his contribution has now been overshadowed by his sibling.
As you can see, Jordan Mainoo-Hames – who found fame after appearing on series five of reality TV show Love Island (2019) – took the opportunity to capitalise on the ongoing narrative regarding Kobbie and his relationship with the current United boss.
For months now, there has been much speculation around whether the Stockport-born youth product will stay at his boyhood club or leave in the next couple of transfer windows, given that he’s only been afforded limited minutes under the Portuguese manager.
Amorim, who has collected just 24 Premier League points since arriving last November, maintains that he recognises Mainoo’s but, crucially, sees him as competing for the same position as Bruno Fernandes.
Now a model for a number of big brands, he’s no stranger to posing in clothes, but in this case, it all centred around a simple black t-shirt simply reading ‘Free Kobbie Mainoo’ in plain white text, seemingly imitating Nike’s ‘Just Do It’ font.
Safe to say that despite catching the eye of plenty in and around the stadium, as well as countless more online, it hasn’t gone down particularly well with a good chunk of the supporters.
Even neutrals have hopped on social media to label the stunt everything from “embarrassing” and causing an “unnecessary” distraction to urging the 20-year-old to distance himself from the stunt and/or his half-brother.
Utter nonsense. His brother turning up at Old Trafford in a ‘Free Kobbie Mainoo’ tee is pure embarrassment. Clout-chasing disguised as support, when the player’s interests should be the priority. We’ve seen this playbook from families before… https://t.co/9p5uognVsX
For many fans, the incident was reminiscent of the Alejandro Garnacho situation: another promising youngster whose family’s outspoken nature on social media, along with his own, ultimately soured his relationship with Amorim to the point of leaving the club this past summer.
Rather notably, Garnacho ruffled even more feathers earlier this month after responding to a question about any potential regrets over how his time at the club ended…
As for his former fellow academy graduate, it is looking increasingly likely that he may at least leave on loan this January in search of more regular football, especially with the 2026 World Cup looming.
Whether you’re a Red or not, we’re interested to hear what you make of the whole mess. Let us know down in the comments.
You can see the highlights from the frankly bonkers game against Bournemouth down below.
Danny Jones -
5th April 2024 
