Bad jokes are even worse hiders. You can always find them lurking in the two same places.
They’re either tucked away inside Christmas crackers, ready to leap out and scream a painful pun across the dinner table.
Or, they’re skulking inside the inner folds of a Penguin chocolate bar.
As tasty as these McVitie’s treats might be, Penguins have earned a bigger reputation for the head-smackingly bad puns and ridiculous dad humour printed on their wrappers.
But, if you’ve always been the kind of person who finds Penguin jokes to be something of a guilty pleasure, there’s a competition you should know about.
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This month, you might actually get your own gag printed on a Penguin and earn a place in humour’s Hall of Shame.
Get your joke on a Penguin! ? Calling all aspiring jokesters and punsters, McVitie’s Penguin wants your help to refresh the jokes for next year. Use #PenguinJokes to submit your entry. Entry closes on the 13th September. T&Cs apply: https://t.co/CggHUosrkmpic.twitter.com/3Xcy70Fh6i
It’s gonna have to be a whopper of a joke to make the cut, so be sure to practice on your friends and family.
If some groan and others try desperately not to giggle, you could be onto a winner…
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Tom Aspinall is now the UFC’s undisputed heavyweight champion
Danny Jones
Greater Manchester’s very own UFC icon,Tom Aspinall, has been officially named the undisputed heavyweight champion.
Even more miraculously, he did so without even having to face an official title fight against the previous reigning champ.
With the news that legendary mixed martial artist and UFC veteran Jon Jones has decided to finally retire after more than a decade and a half in the sport, Tom Aspinall has now seen his interim heavyweight status upgraded to a full, undisputed world champion.
CEO and President of the league, Dana White, confirmed the decision this Sunday, 22 June, not long after Jon Jones announced his retirement on social media.
The moment Aspinall was named an undisputed UFC champion. You can literally hear the shock in the room when he delivers the update.
After 32-year-old Aspinall famously said, “I’ll retire Jon Jones without even fighting him” back in August 2024, it looks like the famed Salford-born fighter knew exactly how this story would play out.
Despite having long been admired as a pioneer of the sport and one of the personalities who helped put it on the map, Jones has also been heavily criticised for avoiding the Atherton-based athlete in recent years, having even been set a deadline by White to defend his title.
It got to suck a point that the local lad from Wigan even held up a rubber duck to the camera as he poked fun at Jones to millions watching worldwide while sat ringside at UFC London earlier this year.
Seeing Aspinall’s supremacy grow stronger in recent years, it was the fight every fan wanted to see; however, with Jones revealing his somewhat snap decision this week, it looks like they’ll just have to settle for him taking the crown by default.
The result of him hanging up his four-ounce gloves also means that there are now no American male champions in the UFC across all four active divisions for the first time since 2004.
As for Jones, 37, while it hasn’t come as a total shock to everyone given his hiatus (his last fight coming in November 2024 against Stipe Miocic), there were plenty who hoped they would one day see him come against the Manc MMA star.
DANA WHITE MAKES IT OFFICIAL!
Tom Aspinall is the NEW UNDISPUTED UFC HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! Jon Jones has RETIRED! 😱🏆 pic.twitter.com/0LSTe088me
Informing the fight world of his withdrawal in a lengthy statement on X, he said: “This decision comes after a lot of reflection, and I want to take a moment to express my deepest gratitude for the journey I’ve experienced over the years.
“From the first time I stepped into the Octagon, my goal was to push the boundaries of what was possible in this sport. Becoming the youngest UFC champion in history, defending my title against some of the best fighters in the world, and sharing unforgettable moments with fans across the globe—these are memories I’ll cherish forever.
“I’ve faced incredible highs and some tough lows, but every challenge has taught me something valuable and made me stronger, both as a fighter and as a person.” He went on to thank Dana White, his family, coaches and several others for his career thus far.
He also went on to add: “To my fellow fighters, thank you for bringing out the best in me and for the respect we’ve shared inside and outside the cage. As I close this chapter of my life, I look forward to new opportunities and challenges ahead.
“MMA will always be a part of who I am, and I’m excited to see how I can continue to contribute to the sport and inspire others in new ways. Thank you all for being part of this incredible journey with me. The best is yet to come.”
Between Aspinall’s dominance at the top of the heavy class and Liverpool’s Paddy ‘The Baddy’ Pimblett continuing to make waves in the lightweight division, it looks like the time of not just the UK but the North West might be beckoning.
Met Office launches nationwide search for new storm names and wants YOU to pick
Emily Sergeant
Is your grandma a force of nature? Does your best friend cause an impact wherever they go? Now you can give them the recognition they deserve…
By naming a storm after them, of course.
We know all the talk is about heatwaves at the moment, especially after weather forecasters have recently predicted that the UK is in for a ‘hotter than average’ summer this year, but let’s turn our eye to the upcoming storm season for a second, shall we?
That’s right – the Met Office is inviting the public to submit their suggestions for storm names for the upcoming 2025/26 season.
Now in its eleventh year, the Met Office works with Met Éireann in Ireland and KNMI in the Netherlands to compile the list every time the season rolls around, and this headline-grabbing naming initiative helps the media and the public communicate about the impacts of severe weather events more easily and effectively.
As part of the naming process, each of the three meteorological organisations will get to name storms using selected letters, with the aim being to reflect the diversity of the three countries, and in-keeping with usual storm naming conventions, names will be picked for every letter of the alphabet except for Q, U, X, Y and Z.
According to the Met Office, a number of factors are considered for a name to be on the list – including how difficult it might be to pronounce, if the name has different meanings in different countries, and if it could be considered controversial in some way.
Once the list of names is decided upon, it will be formally announced by the Met Office in September when storm season begins.
The Met Office has launched a nationwide search for new storm names and wants you to pick / Credit: Wikimedia Commons
“The storm naming system has helped us communicate weather to help people stay safe,” commented Will Lang, who is the Chief Meteorologist at the Met Office, “and wow we need the UK public to help us compile a new list.
“Whether you want to honour a weather-lover in your family, remember a family pet, or get a friend’s name in the headlines, we welcome submissions from the public to help us pull together next year’s list of storm names.”
People can only submit their names online via the submissions page here, where there’s also the option of adding a reason for the suggestion, and must not be submitted via social media as they will not be counted.
The Manc -
3rd September 2020 
