Marc White, manager of National League side Dorking Wanderers FC, has gone viral after his brutally honest and downright hilarious assessment of his team’s performance against Oldham Athletic.
Some top-notch casual cussing, here.
White was speaking to the club’s official YouTube channel after his side’s hefty 5-1 defeat to the Latics on Saturday, 7 January, and didn’t mince his words for one second.
Although David Unsworth’s team put on an impressive display, with striker Karl Mike Fondop Talom bagging a hattrick as the Greater Manchester outfit cruised to victory, the Dorking manager not only praised the opposition but also went fully in on his own players.
Here’s just a taste. Tell us how you really feel, Marc…
The 49-year-old coach and founder of the ever-ascending semi-pro team kicked off the no-nonsense appraisal of his team by breaking down things into the simplest terms possible: “Well, from our perspective, obviously sh*t.”
We appreciate your brevity, Marc.
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After making sure to thank the Dorking fans for their “loyalty” and for “getting behind the team”, as well as giving a “big thanks to the Oldham fans for getting piss wet through”, White wasted no time digging into his squad.
He summed up the root cause just as succinctly: “Oldham won 5-1 because we’re sh*t at defending”. Penny for the centre-half’s thoughts right now.
Here’s his rant in full.
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We counted at least six references to ‘sh*t’ and or ‘piss’. Just under one a minute.
As you can see, he also had very little time for the referees on the day, insisting that the “officials were so bad it was unbelievable.
“I’ve got to say, honestly, they should pack it in — literally pack in doing what they do”. He really wasn’t letting anyone off the hook.”
He went on to argue that the National League should get rid of what he perceived as an obstructive over-reliance on headsets, describing the refs as appalling and akin to “Domino’s drivers all talking to each other” to the point that the first official “can’t ref his own game anymore”.
While we can only sympathise with the Dorking players who are undoubtedly in for a rough week of training and equally hilarious bollockings, we’re just glad we got to better familiarise ourselves with a straight-talking manager as they’re an increasingly rare commodity these days.
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Sitting 16th in the standings, Dorking face Kidderminster Harriers in the FA Trophy on Saturday, 14 January and travel to 21st-placed Gateshead for their next league game next week.
Part-time or not, White and his men will no doubt be hoping to get back to winning ways against two very beatable prospects.
For now, you can watch the full Dorking vs Oldham highlights down below. We’re sure Oldham fans will be happy more than to.
Luxury Manchester gym Blok confirms permanent closure after weeks of uncertainty
Daisy Jackson
Blok Manchester has announced its permanent closure, weeks after the doors to the premium fitness facility mysteriously closed.
Around a fortnight ago, members began to arrive to their classes to find the gym on Ducie Street locked up and a forfeiture notice on the door – but at the time, Blok said that it was fighting to reopen.
Sadly, in an email sent to members today, its founder has confirmed that the studio is now permanently closed.
Blok – which has several very successful sites down in London – said that its relationship with its landlord has ‘broken down to a point where trust has been lost’.
The gym wrote that it’s been left with ‘no workable way forward’.
They said: “BLOK Manchester was a space built by our loyal and dedicated community. Whether you joined us for one class or one hundred, we are deeply grateful. You helped create something genuinely special in an incredible city.”
In the immediate future, they said they’ll be supporting the team of fantastic trainers who worked here, as well as looking after members.
Members will be contacted within a few hours with options and refunds owed.
Blok Manchester has announced its permanent closure. Credit: The Manc Group
CEO and founder Ed Stanbury said: “While this marks the end of a chapter, we don’t see it as the end of our story in Manchester. We’re already speaking with developers about potential future sites and remain committed to returning to the city when the time is right.
“Thank you for being part of our story so far. Let’s shape the future of wellness. The mission continues.”
Commenting on Blok’s Instagram post – its first in almost a fortnight – people have been sharing their sadness at the closure of its Manchester site.
One person wrote: “beautiful space, beautiful staff and beautiful community.”
Another said: “Sending love to all the instructors !! :(((( gutted”
Someone else commented: “THE BEST CLASSES. I’m gutted.”
Manchester City plotting spending spree ‘before’ Club World Cup
Danny Jones
Manchester City are set to embark on somewhat of a spending spree this summer transfer window as the club’s higher-ups are looking to get business done before the 2025 Club World Cup.
With FIFA’s intercontinental club competition set to get underway in mid-June, the Blues don’t have too long to welcome in new players, but Man City chairman Khaldoon Al Mubarak has reiterated their urgency regarding recruitment.
Despite having brought in four new acquisitions in a very short space of time last season, the 50-year-old argued that he wasn’t completely happy with the extent and speed of their business.
Giving a lengthy interview this week, CFG‘s founding chairman has imposed an internal deadline ahead of the lucrative knockout competition.
Speaking with club media, Khaldoon recognised that while there were incomings in January of this year, he believes they “should have been more aggressive in some of the changes we needed to do, adding that he believes it “cost [them].”
“I can tell you today, we have clearly identified who exactly [the targets are], in what positions, and we have our clear number one option, our clear number two option”, he continues.
More importantly, he goes on to add: “We’ll go about our business, and it will be very clear, very swift. Our objective is to try to be ready with the new squad for the Club World Cup.”
He also suggested the flurry of activity this past January was not just atypical of the administration, but felt the squad fell into a crisis state with the number of injuries, insisting they “had to act.”
City have already been linked with a hugely talented and highly-rated European target in the wake of Kevin De Bruyne‘s departure and a lack of strength in depth in midfield.
An initial bid is said to have been received already and will likely be the first of many City summer signings.
He also insisted that the players who joined last season weren’t scattershot, emergency transfers (perhaps barring the resigning of İlkay Gündoğan) but were the start of the rebuild and “gives [fans] an idea of what’s coming this summer.”
Another player linked with a move to the Etihad Stadium is Lyon star Rayan Cherki, who scored in big moments during their Europa League run this year, registering 32 goal contributions across all competitions throughout the 24/25 campaign.
Who would you like to see added to Pep Guardiola’s side this summer, then, Man City fans?
You can watch Khaldoon Al Mubarak’s interview in full down below:
Danny Jones -
9th January 2023 
