Marc White, manager of National League side Dorking Wanderers FC, has gone viral after his brutally honest and downright hilarious assessment of his team’s performance against Oldham Athletic.
Some top-notch casual cussing, here.
White was speaking to the club’s official YouTube channel after his side’s hefty 5-1 defeat to the Latics on Saturday, 7 January, and didn’t mince his words for one second.
Although David Unsworth’s team put on an impressive display, with striker Karl Mike Fondop Talom bagging a hattrick as the Greater Manchester outfit cruised to victory, the Dorking manager not only praised the opposition but also went fully in on his own players.
Here’s just a taste. Tell us how you really feel, Marc…
The 49-year-old coach and founder of the ever-ascending semi-pro team kicked off the no-nonsense appraisal of his team by breaking down things into the simplest terms possible: “Well, from our perspective, obviously sh*t.”
We appreciate your brevity, Marc.
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After making sure to thank the Dorking fans for their “loyalty” and for “getting behind the team”, as well as giving a “big thanks to the Oldham fans for getting piss wet through”, White wasted no time digging into his squad.
He summed up the root cause just as succinctly: “Oldham won 5-1 because we’re sh*t at defending”. Penny for the centre-half’s thoughts right now.
Here’s his rant in full.
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We counted at least six references to ‘sh*t’ and or ‘piss’. Just under one a minute.
As you can see, he also had very little time for the referees on the day, insisting that the “officials were so bad it was unbelievable.
“I’ve got to say, honestly, they should pack it in — literally pack in doing what they do”. He really wasn’t letting anyone off the hook.”
He went on to argue that the National League should get rid of what he perceived as an obstructive over-reliance on headsets, describing the refs as appalling and akin to “Domino’s drivers all talking to each other” to the point that the first official “can’t ref his own game anymore”.
While we can only sympathise with the Dorking players who are undoubtedly in for a rough week of training and equally hilarious bollockings, we’re just glad we got to better familiarise ourselves with a straight-talking manager as they’re an increasingly rare commodity these days.
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Sitting 16th in the standings, Dorking face Kidderminster Harriers in the FA Trophy on Saturday, 14 January and travel to 21st-placed Gateshead for their next league game next week.
Part-time or not, White and his men will no doubt be hoping to get back to winning ways against two very beatable prospects.
For now, you can watch the full Dorking vs Oldham highlights down below. We’re sure Oldham fans will be happy more than to.
Salford City FC reveal new club crest ahead of return to orange kit
Danny Jones
Salford City FC have finally revealed their new club crest, paying homage to both their historic and present badge, as they prepare to wear predominantly orange kits once again.
The Greater Manchester club are enjoying a healthy injection not only of investment but ideas and, indeed, a decent bit of form in turn.
Currently sitting sixth in the League Two standings and looking more than capable of scrapping with other third division hopefuls around them in the table, the end of this season could be the start of a fresh chapter for the Salford sporting institution.
Regardless of whether they go up following the conclusion of this campaign or not, the newly restructured ownership group is certainly looking to make this the start of a new era.
Officially debuting the new Salford City badge in the teaser video shared above on Tuesday, 23 December, you could call it an early Christmas gift for Ammies supporters.
Writing on social media, the club said: “Our heritage. Our culture. Inspiring our future. From next season, Salford City FC will adopt a bold new identity, playing in orange with a new Club crest.
“Following recent consultations, 72% of fans voted to adopt this new Club crest from the start of the 2026-27 season.”
A lengthier statement continues: “The new Crest comes after extensive consultation with fans over the past several months.
“It was designed in conjunction with renowned NYC-based agency MILK, and in recent weeks, fans have heard from co-owners Gary Neville and Sir David Beckham about the potential opportunities the new crest can offer the Club – from building our fan base globally to exciting new merchandise products.
This latest unveiling comes after confirmation of the club reverting to an orange-led colour scheme and home shirt.
In addition to hinting at plans to once again upgrade the Peninsula Stadium, the official club statement also digs into the inspiration behind the various features included in the latest redesign.
They are as follows:
A rampant Lion that has featured on crests of the past, breaking out of the badge, refusing to be contained. It captures the fierce, on-field attitude expected from a Salford team. Relentless in the pursuit of success, never held back.
A new Salford rose, inspired by the iconic Salford Lads Club, symbolises enthusiasm, desire, passion and admiration.
Concentric circles represent a bird’s eye view of the Salford Gasworks.
A typeface crafted from the custom lettering found in Salford’s streets.
You see a more detailed breakdown of the thought process behind the various features down below; it does make for an interesting little read.
Credit: Salford City (via club website)
Salford famously switched to red when Manchester United’s ‘Class of 92’ legends bought the club in partnership with businessman Peter Lim well over a decade ago.
Despite the initial takeover seeing the struggling side find their way back into the EFL following multiple promotions, The Ammies have lost momentum in recent years, and many die-hard matchgoers still take issue with the colour change (the notion being that they were reborn in the shadow of Man United).
Fast forward to now, and they reiterated that the plans – which follow the aforementioned official consultation held earlier this year – will see new insignia installed in time for next season, not only on the latest batch of kits but around their soon-to-be further renovated home ground.
With Salford‘s rugby league community also set for its next iteration as of the 2026 season, it’s all change in Greater Manchester’s second city.
UK supermarket ‘bans’ Manchester City players following Pep Guardiola press conference
Danny Jones
In a somewhat surprising but nevertheless amusing headline, Manchester City players have seemingly been banned from UK supermarket Iceland this Christmas.
No, as daft as it might sound, we’ve got a quote from the frozen food chain and everything.
With the Man City squad being given an added little reprieve when it comes to training this year, since their rivals over in the red half of the city are the only Premier League side playing on Boxing Day, they have an extra day off before getting back on the pitch this Saturday, 27 December.
Set to face Nottingham Forest on the road at the City Ground, it could be a potentially tricky away game, so they need every advantage possible to come away with the points and possibly claim that top spot before the end of the year, which includes fitness – and, more specifically in this case, weight.
“Come back three kilos heavier and you stay in Manchester!” 🍔👀
Pep Guardiola lays down the law on weight checks after Christmas, warning Man City players they will not travel for Nottingham Forest 💬🔵 pic.twitter.com/zES8ZRkWzG
Yes, following manager Pep Guardiola’s press conference after their 3-0 win over West Ham, in which he warned his players against packing on the pounds over Christmas, Iceland have confirmed that City stars won’t be allowed through the door.
We’re not sure how much frozen festive food is allowed on the diet sheet around the Etihad Campus to begin with, but still.
Sharing an official press release, an Iceland spokesperson said: “With Pep keeping such a close eye on his players’ Christmas calories, we thought it was only right to do our bit to help support him and get the best result for local fans.
“Our festive desserts are designed to be indulgent, over-the-top and impossible to resist […] They’re perfect for seasonal celebrations, but probably not ideal if you’ve got a post-Christmas weigh-in and an important away trip on the line.”
To be fair, we’ve cracked into that Bailey’s crème brûlée early before, and you don’t want to do anything other than lie down after it…
In case you missed Pep’s post-match presser this past weekend, the scrupulous Catalan coach acknowledged that while all of his players made weight on the Friday, he “will be there controlling how many kilos come up” this Christmas.
Urging them to show some restraint and avoid coming back “fatty”, he said they can obviously eat some of the holiday favourites around the dinner table, but that he still has to “make a selection [of] 27 against Nottingham Forest.”
Put simply, Guardiola said: “Imagine one player, and now he’s perfect, but he will arrive with three kilos more. He will [stay] in Manchester; he will not travel to Nottingham Forest, that’s for sure.”
You can watch his press conference in full down below.
Danny Jones -
9th January 2023 
