Manchester City’s ridiculously lethal goalscorer, Erling Braut Haaland, is on course to smash a 27-year-old Premier League record and we’re only in January.
Haaland continues to confound and redefine what we think is statistically possible for a professional footballer as he bagged yet another hattrick in Manchester City‘s 3-0 win over Wolves on Sunday, breaking the record for the most goals scored at the Etihad in a single season.
Having notched 25 goals in 19 appearances in the league (he could seriously get over 50 goals this season), Haaland is also well on course to break another impressive record set by the division’s all-time leading goalscorer, Alan Shearer.
Now just one behind matching the Newcastle and England legend, reaching the landmark in fewer games than Shearer and some of the English top-flight’s most prolific goalscorers, he only needs to net two more trios in a single game to break the record for the most hattricks in a Premier League season.
Again, we’re not even out of January yet… It’s almost laughable at this point.
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In the league alone, Haaland is currently averaging a goal every 62 minutes and only stays on the pitch for around 82 minutes per match, so you can only imagine what numbers he might manage if he were to get a full 90 minutes every week.
With that being said, it’s no wonder that not only is he on course to surpass Shearer for the most hattricks, but with a quarter century already to his name — barring a serious derailment through injury — it’s almost inevitable that he will beat his record for the most goals scored in a Premier League season.
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Shearer actually shares the record along with another famous nine in former Manchester United and fellow Newcastle striker, Andy Cole, both of whom managed 34 goals in 1993/94 and 94/95 and campaigns, respectively.
Still just 22 years old, already has a laundry list of records to his name, including beating Lionel Messi to become the fastest player to reach 25 goals in all competitions. He did it with five games to spare.
Talk about keeping good company.
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We all know the Norwegian phenomenon is nailed on for the golden boot this year, the question is how many other records is he going to break along the way.
While Arsenal might still be clinging on to the top spot, we wouldn’t bet against Haaland, Pep and the rest of that City squad doing what they always do: winning titles.
Alex Sanderson summons Rudyard Kipling as Sale Sharks scrape into the semi-finals
Danny Jones
Director of Rugby Alex Sanderson referenced the famous Rudyard Kipling after Sale Sharks managed to book their place in the playoffs of this year’s Gallagher Premiership following a nail-biter of a fixture against Exeter Chiefs.
The Sharks sealed their spot in the semi-finals with a 30-26 win over the Chiefs on Saturday night, with a trio of tries, a singular pen and calmness when it came to conversions proving just enough to make it to full time.
Speaking on the narrow score at Sandy Park, Sanderson himself applauded that same composure during his post-match duties, casually quoting Kipling ahead of the next big game.
Writing on social media after nerves had just about settled, the club simply said: “Apologies for raising the heart rate, Sharks Family… but Saturday we go again.”
Beginning with an expression of that same defiant spirit that has seen them across the line on so many occasions, the 45-year-old told TNT Sports, “We got another Monday in us.”
The Sale Sharks coach went on to add: “So if you can keep your head, when everybody else is losing theirs – I think that’s the old Rudyard Kipling poem – you’re in such a better place on the back of that, knowing what we can fix from the Leicester game and what we can do better from today.”
It’s not every day you hear sportsmen calling up the poetic words of the beloved British-India writer, but it certainly impressed plenty of supporters, though Sanderson has always been popular among fans for his candour and charisma in interviews.
Ultimately, it was Rekeiti Ma’asi-White, Bevan Rodd, Luke Cowan-Dickie and George Ford that the Greater Manchester outfit had to thank for the electrifying finish
You can see how much it meant, clear as day…
Not done yet…
Thank you for your support Sharks Family, it’s truly appreciated!
Sale Sharks will now take on Leicester Tigers (who the local side finished just behind in third place following the result against the Chiefs) in the Premiership semis as they look to get revenge for previous painful meetings
Are you feeling hopeful, Sharks Family?
You can see the full highlights from Sale Sharks’ tense victory over the Exeter Chiefs down below.
Alex Sanderson channelled Rudyard Kipling and Sale scrapped like true Sharks.
Luxury Manchester gym Blok confirms permanent closure after weeks of uncertainty
Daisy Jackson
Blok Manchester has announced its permanent closure, weeks after the doors to the premium fitness facility mysteriously closed.
Around a fortnight ago, members began to arrive to their classes to find the gym on Ducie Street locked up and a forfeiture notice on the door – but at the time, Blok said that it was fighting to reopen.
Sadly, in an email sent to members today, its founder has confirmed that the studio is now permanently closed.
Blok – which has several very successful sites down in London – said that its relationship with its landlord has ‘broken down to a point where trust has been lost’.
The gym wrote that it’s been left with ‘no workable way forward’.
They said: “BLOK Manchester was a space built by our loyal and dedicated community. Whether you joined us for one class or one hundred, we are deeply grateful. You helped create something genuinely special in an incredible city.”
In the immediate future, they said they’ll be supporting the team of fantastic trainers who worked here, as well as looking after members.
Members will be contacted within a few hours with options and refunds owed.
Blok Manchester has announced its permanent closure. Credit: The Manc Group
CEO and founder Ed Stanbury said: “While this marks the end of a chapter, we don’t see it as the end of our story in Manchester. We’re already speaking with developers about potential future sites and remain committed to returning to the city when the time is right.
“Thank you for being part of our story so far. Let’s shape the future of wellness. The mission continues.”
Commenting on Blok’s Instagram post – its first in almost a fortnight – people have been sharing their sadness at the closure of its Manchester site.
One person wrote: “beautiful space, beautiful staff and beautiful community.”
Another said: “Sending love to all the instructors !! :(((( gutted”
Someone else commented: “THE BEST CLASSES. I’m gutted.”
Danny Jones -
24th January 2023 
