Nigel Slater has sent the internet into a right tizz after sharing a recipe for a sweet tart with quite a suggestive shape.
The 67-year-old food writer posted instructions for a custard and poached quince tart, alongside a picture of the pink pastry.
Nigel clearly spent a lot of time perfecting the recipe, but what he maybe didn’t do was think about his photography properly. Or, maybe he knew exactly what he was doing.
Because within minutes of sharing his quince custard tart recipe, the comment section was flooded with similar observations.
There’s no denying it – those soft folds of pink stewed fruit look an awful lot like a vulva…
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One person joked that the tart looked like it would have a ‘nice vulvatey texture’ while another said it was ‘Shameless clitbait’.
Nigel’s caption read: “Not something to hurry, but a pleasurable way to spend a quiet afternoon in the kitchen and worth every minute of your time.
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“The quinces need to be cooked until completely soft then left to cool in their syrup which is then boiled down for the glaze. You could make them with apples should quinces prove evasive.”
But his followers were so distracted by the NSFW image that they couldn’t resist bombarding him with jokes.
Nigel Slater’s accidentally rude tart recipe. Credit: Instagram
One person wrote: “Is it my dirty mind or….*checks comments* nope, we are all filth bags together.”
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Another said: “Broke my neck running to the comments.”
Someone else posted: “Nige, I’m going to put it down to your being a sweet gay man that you have no idea what you’ve posted. Merry Christmas.”
And someone else passed on season’s greetings, saying: “Merry Clitmas, one and all.”
Another festive joker said: “Feliz Fannydad! (Thanks for making my crimbz, Nigel!)”
And on X, formerly known as Twitter, one user shared: “Nigella: ‘No one does sexy Christmas like me.’ Nigel: ‘See my beer? Will you hold it?'”
Nigel Slater has since posted a follow-up to the erotic quince tart, writing: “Gracious me, thank you for all your likes and comments on my last post. Some absolute gems there.
“A very low-key Christmas here this year, so here is a picture of my tree in 2022 (probably my favourite ever) to wish you a very, very happy and peaceful Christmas and to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone for following and for all your messages over the year.
Greater Manchester’s Christmas crime rate is one of the highest in the UK, according to study
Emily Sergeant
New research has revealed the UK regions that should expect to see a spike in crime over the festive season this year… and it’s pretty grim reading for Mancs.
For several years running now, our region has unfortunately found itself near the top of the list when it comes to seeing the highest rates of crime over the Christmas holidays, and according to a recent study conducted by ADT, 2024 is unfortunately no different.
With what’s supposed to be ‘the most wonderful time of the year’ only a few days away now, home security experts have decided to analyse crime rates from December 2020-2022, and have highlighted the percentage difference in crime during the festive period in a bid to reveal where ‘Christmas crime’ is most prevalent.
Cleveland Police still has the highest reported crime rate in 2024, according to the study, with approximately 147.7 recorded crimes per 1,000 population, and more than 5,000 police reports of burglaries in early 2024 – with ONS data revealing 79% of which were residential burglaries.
West Yorkshire Police also stays in second place, with crimes in the county having risen by 20% in 2024, going from a crime rate of 111.61 in December 2021, to 133.8 crimes per 1,000 population by March 2024.
And then, we have Greater Manchester.
Once again, Greater Manchester Police ranks third for the areas with the highest crime rates in England and Wales, with 129.7 crimes per 1,000 population.
ADT’s research this year found that theft offences accounted for almost a third of all crimes committed in our region by March 2024, while residential burglaries and shoplifting had over 16,000 reported accounts, respectively.
Top 10 Christmas crime ‘hotspots’ in the UK for 2024
Rank
Police force area
Crime rate per 1,000 population
1
Cleveland Police
147.7
2
West Yorkshire Police
133.8
3
Greater Manchester Police
129.7
4
West Midlands Police
125.9
5
Merseyside Police
119.0
6
South Yorkshire Police
116.7
7
Humberside Police
108.1
8
Durham Police
101.8
9
Gwent Police
101.8
10
Metropolitan Police
100.2
Home security expert Michele Bennett, who is ADT UK’s General Manager, has shared some tips on how best to deter uninvited guests from your home during the Christmas period, and says it’s “important to remain vigilant” at this time of year by enhancing your home security.
“This will ensure you and your loved ones have a safe and enjoyable holiday experience,” she explains.
“Several proactive measures can be taken to deter intruders throughout the holidays, including installing visible security measures such as smart alarm systems or burglar alarms, with visible cameras and alarms display signs that indicate your home is highly protected.
“Also, secure your doors, windows, and other potential entry points with strong locks and deadbolts… and indoor and outdoor lighting is a good option to maintain a lived-in appearance by using smart plugs connected to lights, motion-sensing cameras, and video doorbells in and around entrances and other key areas of your home to make it less attractive to burglars.”
“The combination of these measures can drastically improve your home’s security,” Michelle concluded.
“As the appearance of an active and protected home is crucial to deterring potential intruders during Christmas and throughout the year.”
Featured Image – ADT
Christmas
Christmas bin collection dates 2024 for every Greater Manchester borough
Thomas Melia
IT’S CHRISTMAAAS! Well, nearly, and among the endless lists of tasks we have to get through this festive period, bins can be one we completely forget about, that’s why we’re here to save the day.
With 10 boroughs to get through, let’s cut to the chase and find out those utmost important dates for when you need to put your bins out over the holiday period.
Whether you’re busy wrapping presents or you’re a self-proclaimed ‘Christmas Dad’ waiting to gather up all those paper scraps, here are all the bin collection dates you need to be aware of across Greater Manchester.
Manchester Central
🗓️ Some important dates for your advent calendar… 🎅
Anyone living in Manchester city centre will be glad to know there are only a handful of changes with a few bin dates remaining the same.
There are no changes to collections on Monday 23 December and 30 December, Tuesday 24 December and Tuesday 31 December.
Later in the week, Wednesday collections will move to Friday 27 December and Thursday 2 January, with Thursday collections moving to Saturday 28 December and Friday 3 January.
Friday collections will be moving to the weekend falling on two dates, Sunday 29 December and Saturday 4 January respectively.
Bolton
The changes in Bolton are quite simple, dates are very close by to the usual bin collecting service, giving you a Christmas that hopefully runs smoothly.
Both Monday 23 December and Tuesday 24 December dates remain the same with no changes whatsoever.
Wednesday 23 December sees burgundy bins collected two days earlier on Monday 23 December, grey bins pushed back to Friday 27 December and beige bins on Tuesday 31 December.
On Thursday 26 December, burgundy bins will be collected on Tuesday, 24 December, grey bins on Monday 30 December and beige bins moving to Tuesday 31 December.
Bury
In terms of Bury, most of the bins days are very easy to remember, especially since they’re all either a day later or the day before.
Collections due on Tuesday 24 December have been rescheduled to Monday 23 December with services on Wednesday 25 December taking place on Tuesday 24 December.
Any bin dates due after Wednesday 25 December are planned for one day later than usual, except for collections due on Tuesday 31 January and beyond which remain the same.
Rochdale
Anyone in Rochdale may have to be eager eyed as this Greater Manchester borough’s schedule is a little trickier as the dates aren’t falling the day before or after.
Services due on Wednesday 25 December have been altered to Saturday 28 December.
The following collection on Thursday 26 December is moving to Monday 30 December.
Then the Wednesday 1 January pick up will be happening on Saturday 4 January.
With it being the festive season, those pesky blue bins can never quite fit everything in, you can leave out a small amount of flat packed cardboard boxes as long as they’re dry.
Oldham
For Oldham residents, the bin collection dates and recycling rounds have been announced too giving everyone a chance to prepare for any unusual swaps.
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Bins due on Wednesday 25 December will be collected three days later on Saturday 28 December,which also includes green bins and food caddies.
Collections scheduled for Thursday 26 December will take place five days earlier on Saturday 21 December but green bins and food caddies won’t be emptied.
Collections on Wednesday 1 January will be on Saturday 4 January minus green bins and food caddies which will be collected as normal on Wednesday 8 January.
Real Christmas trees can be chopped up and recycled in green bins minus the base with Arkwright Street Household Waste and Recycling accepting trees and Christmas rubbish too.
Stockport
For Stockport, information surrounding bins and collections is quite limited with residents having to enter their own postcode to find out anything necessary.
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There will be no collections on Wednesday 25 December, Thursday 26 December or Wednesday 1 January.
Information differs depending on location so you can access recycling and collection details HERE.
Tameside
Tameside bin crews will be working as hard as ever over Christmas and New Year but some households will see changes to their collections.
Now onto Tameside where one bin in particular is missing out on all the fun, finding its collections delayed by just over a week.
Brown-bin collections will cease across the borough on Wednesday 25 December and restart on Wednesday 8 January.
On Wednesday 25 December, the green bin will be collected on Friday 27 December with black and blue bins collected on Tuesday, 31 December.
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This Thursday, 26 December sees a green bin collection on Monday 30 December while black and blue bin collection on Thursday 2 January.
From Friday 27 December to Tuesday 31 December services will run as normal with disruption on Wednesday 1 January, except for brown bins.
This year on Wednesday 1 January if you are due a green bin collection, it will be collected on Friday 3 January and both black and blue bins collected on Monday 6 January.
Then from Thursday 2 January to Tuesday 7 January all bin collections will stay the same except for brown bins which are being collected the following day, Wednesday 8 January.
Real Christmas trees can be recycled on behalf of Willow Wood Hospice, Ashton, between 6 and 10 January. Register for collection HERE. Alternatively, chop it up and put it in your brown bin.
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Trafford
It’s Trafford’s turn next and you’ll be happy to know that four dates see no changes to your usual bin collection dates.
On Monday 23 December and Tuesday 24 December there will be no change to any of the original bin services.
Wednesday 25 December and Thursday 26 December on the other hand will both get collected on Friday 27 December.
Same again with Monday 30 Decemebr and Tuesday 31 December, there is no scheduled changes for the bin collection day.
In terms of 1-3 January, all services will be the day after (1 Jan moves to 2 Jan etc.).
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Salford
Next up in Salford, there are very minimal changes to your usual bin collection dates with only a few minor replacements.
Only three collection dates will be affected with every other service remaining the same as it was prior to the Christmas period.
The collection for Wednesday 25, December will take place on Saturday, 21 December; Thursday, 26 December now on Saturday 28 December and Wednesday 1 January swapping to Saturday 4 January.
Wigan
Tuesday 24 December is moved to Monday 23 December while Wednesday 25 December is shifted to a new date of Tuesday 24 December, both one day prior.
Any collections on Thursday 26 December are changing to Friday 27 December while the Friday 27 December is moving to Saturday 28 December, one day later.
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From Wednesday 1 January to Friday 3 January every collection changes to a day later, after this, normal service starts again.
An additional point to take note of is that green bin collections will be suspended from 29 December until 10 January. These services resume on the week starting 13 January or 20 January, depending where you live.
To check bin collection days over the festive period, residents can refer to their bin collection calendar which does feature key Christmas dates like the rest of Greater Manchester or visit HERE.
That should be all your bin collection dates for Greater Manchester this Christmas. (Credit: Wikicommons)
Daisy Jackson -
18th December 2023 
