It might sound too bizarre to be true, or maybe it’s completely plausible in the current world of football mayhem, but Elon Musk says he’s going to buy Manchester United.
We’re not kidding – the world’s richest man wants to buy one of the world’s most famous football clubs.
In what is news that no one really saw coming, the South African-born business tycoon with a net worth of US$242 billion, who is the CEO and owner of a handful of major companies like Tesla, SpaceX, and very-nearly but not-quite, Twitter, wants to get his hands on the club that’s arguably in the most disarray in world football currently.
As many sports fans – and at this point, even people who don’t know too much about football – across the globe will know, the red half of Manchester is going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment, and that’s putting it lightly.
There is a great deal of anger across the board from fans, former players, and prominent TV pundits – including Gary Neville, who this week said the club is a “graveyard” and likened it to a school in “special measures” – being publicly expressed, with the majority of it being directed towards the club’s American owners, The Glazer family.
The Glazers took over the club in 2005, and it’s been a rocky relationship since then.
In the 17 years following the takeover, the club has seen immense success in the Premier League and the Champions League, but has very-prominently been in decline since Sir Alex Ferguson retired as manager in 2013, and there have been multiple protests against the Glazers’ ownership in recent years – including one in May 2021 which caused a match against Liverpool to be postponed, and several over the club’s involvement in the proposed European Super League.
With debt ever-increasing, the team at the bottom of the Premier League table, star player Cristiano Ronaldo potentially exiting before the transfer window closes, and not much news of new signings through the door, it’s been a painful start to the 2022/23 season for United and new manager Erik ten Hag.
And on top of that, the team lost 4-0 to Brentford away this past weekend.
So, what could possibly fix this situation? Who could be the saviour of the club that fans are so adamant needs saving? Step forward, Elon Musk.
In a stream of consciousness on Twitter that’s come to be pretty typical of the billionaire enigma, after bizarrely explaining that he “supports the left half of the Republican Party and the right half of the Democratic Party”, Musk just thought he’d throw it out there that he’s “buying Manchester United” – and it understandably sent a lot of fans into pandemonium.
The tweet went on to amass well over 600,000 likes and retweets, with thousands of confused fans questioning whether or not it’s actually true and if he fancies committing to that promise.
It turns out, he didn’t really mean it.
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When asked “are you serious?” by Tesla Owners Silicon Valley (@teslaownersSV), Musk responded that it was part of a “long-running joke”.
He explained: “No, this is a long-running joke on Twitter. I’m not buying any sports teams,” before following up with: “Although, if it were any team, it would be Man U. They were my fav team as a kid.”
Although, if it were any team, it would be Man U. They were my fav team as a kid.
Rúben Amorim outlines the three key things Manchester United need to work on
Danny Jones
Rúben Amorim has conducted his first full press conference as Manchester United manager and has outlined the three key things he wants to address when it comes to his new team.
Amorim officially joined Man United on Monday, 11 November after being given a ‘now or never’ which meant he had to leave his former club Sporting CP in the middle of the season.
Replacing Erik ten Hag, who was sacked less than 24 hours after a 2-1 defeat to West Ham and had overseen a run of bad results, the contract extension he was given in the summer ultimately proved obsolete and now the Portuguese head coach must lift his new side from a measly 13th in the table.
That being said, speaking to the media in his first full pre-match presser ahead of his maiden Premier League outing against Ipswich Town this weekend, Amorim has already highlighted three key areas in which he wants United to improve as a matter of priority.
"I truly believe that I'm the right guy in the right moment" 👊
Ruben Amorim says he does not think managing Manchester United is the impossible job.#MUFC#bbcfootball 🇵🇹
What did Amorim say in his first full Man United press conference?
Although the 39-year-old coach – who is only three years older than resurgent centre-back Johnny Evans – started off by assuring that his main focus at its core is to win the next match (and the one after that, as the football cliché goes), he boiled the current squad issues down to a troublesome trio.
In his eyes, a lot of it just comes down to pure physical effort.
Improve possession
First and foremost, Amorim was quick to point out that United “lose the ball too often” and simply have to retain it more throughout the 90 minutes.
Although they have enjoyed spells of greater control in games, their average possessions stats in the Premier League not only under ten Hag but Ole Gunnar Solskjær and even short-lived interim boss Ralf Rangnick never flirted too far above 50-53%.
While that might sound like the signs of nothing more than a well-contested game, the club need to be looking at much higher numbers if they want to start being a dominant force again.
Track back more
The second area he said that the team desperately needs to improve in is the distances covered per match, especially when it comes to running back towards their own goal and tracking back during defensive phases.
Addressing it in a rather matter-of-fact manner, he told reporters: “We have to be better at running back, I think that is clear for everybody [to see].” He told Gary Neville something very similar in his other recent interview with Sky Sports.
"This is my place" ❤️
The smile on both Gary Neville and Ruben Amorim's face when the Manchester United head coach said this ☺ pic.twitter.com/dpKnnE69Nm
He said it with a smile on his face but it’s clear that he knows there is a narrative surrounding United in recent years that they just don’t work hard enough, both on and off the ball. Having played mainly in the middle of the park for Belenenses, Benfica and SC Braga, running is a non-negotiable.
Focus on the ‘details’ first
Lastly, Amorim said he believes one of the big things he can do for these players is to help them fine-tune the small things. He added that although there is a feeling that fans want there to be “a lot of change” and pressure to make “big” decisions, he reiterated that “it’s the small things.”
The former utility player knows a thing or two about playing in lots of positions and going back to the opening point of his press conference in which he discussed getting the team to believe in “one thing”, he believes that the minute differences can contribute to changing how they approach the game.
There is understandably lots of talk surrounding his trademark 3-4-3 formation and whether these details refer to tactical tweaks, we will see, but he insists that so long as they put in the effort and pay attention to the little stuff, those on the pitch will start to play in the same way that he wants them to.
You can watch his press conference ahead of the Ipswich away this Sunday in full down below:
Amorim was also happy to casually call out those who ‘don’t believe in’ his new players in his first press conference as Man United coach.
Featured Images — BeanymanSports (via YouTube screenshot)
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Posters around Manchester city centre spark serious rumours Charli XCX is set to headline Parklife 2025
Danny Jones
Some pretty big, green posters are popping up around town and, not to get ahead of ourselves, but it looks like they’re hinting at Charli XCX headlining Parklife 2025…
Feel free to lose your bratting minds.
A number of tall, let’s call it ‘apple’ green posters have been sighted in various places across Manchester city centre this Friday, 22 November and the last time we saw this slightly low-resolution, plain black Arial font and colour combo we got a reworked version of Charli XCX’s brat album.
Listen, all we can tell you is that this is almost exactly the same marketing and the letters on the poster simply read, “PL25”. Come on… you do the math(s).
Spotting at least two of the posters for ourselves around both Newton and Thomas Street in and around the Northern Quarter, plenty of people have been double-taking at the simple but bold and undeniably eye-catching portrait posters.
Trust us, we weren’t the only ones stopping to take a picture and frantically send them to half of our phonebook either.
Charli herself hasn’t given us any other clues on social media thus far – to be fair, this one feels fairly obvious to us – but it’s well worth keeping your eyes peeled on her stories as she did plenty of teasing before dropping Brat and it’s completely different but also still brat.
Still can’t get over that actually being the title, by the way.
It’s also worth noting that Parklife themselves recently confirmed that festival fans can expect to find out their headliners and the full 2025 lineup very soon. Check out that colour…
Oh, who are we kidding? That’s not apple green it’s straight-up BRAT green, b*tch. We’re fully getting carried away and you’ll just have to deal with it.
Even if it somehow turns out she’s not headlining it’s certainly looking like she’s going to be there and it wouldn’t be the first time.
Better yet, fans of the pop sensation won’t have to wait too long to see her right here in Greater Manchester because Charli is bringing her already smash-hit tour to Co-op Live next Wednesday, 27 November and in case you couldn’t tell by all the shouting in capitals, we’re very excited.
Roll on ‘PL25’. Other than Charli XCX, who else would you like to see as your Parklife headliners next summer?
Emily Sergeant -
17th August 2022 
