Manchester restaurant creates cheeky £69 per head Valentine’s menu
Intimating its innocence in the joke, Kala replied with the haloed face of an angel - but let's be honest, there's no way they didn't do this on purpose.
Top Manchester bistro Kala has revealed its Valentine’s menu for 2023 and it’s equal parts naughty, raunchy, and (if you’re a little immature like us) downright funny.
No, we’re not referring to the chef’s dishes (although they do sound absolutely stunning). Rather, the thing that caught our eye was the price: with loved-up diners being charged exactly £69 per head to enjoy the romantic supper.
Surely someone’s got to be having a laugh on this one, and we’re absolutely cackling. Their followers clearly think it’s funny too, that is if the comments on the restaurant’s recent Instagram post are anything to go by.
Shared with the simple caption “Love is in the air. Valentine’s Day bookings now open”, the original menu post on the restaurant’s page makes no reference to the tongue-in-cheek price.
Mini doughnuts with dark chocolate sauce, honeycomb ice-cream and a nice slab of home made honeycomb. / Image: Kala Bistro
Chicken liver pate, farmer’s chutney and wholemeal sourdough toast – a Kala classic. / Image: Kala Bistro
However, fans were quick to pick up on it and quickly commented with a mixture of amusement and approval – with one person simply sending a trio of crying-laughing emojis, followed by a set of clapping hands.
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Intimating its innocence in the joke, Kala replied with the haloed face of an angel – but let’s be honest, there’s no way they didn’t do this on purpose.
After all, a quick look at the Valentine’s page on its website reveals this little nugget: “We always say people who love to eat are our kind of people, so HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY to all you lovers out there!”
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Read into that what you will.
The newly-revealed Valentine’s menu at Kala Bistro is priced at exactly £69 a head. / Image: Kala Bistro
One of Kala’s most recent specials, made with tuna tartare, pickled cucumber, sesame, and salt and vinegar crisps. / Image: Kala Bistro
As for the menu itself, for that £69 it offers some really good value with a total of five courses including bread and butter pudding with ‘burnt toast’ ice cream and a giant rack of lamb, salad, meatballs and gnocchi ‘to share’ as a main.
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With bread and snacks to be enjoyed before starters, followed by mains including a huge roasted lamb rack ‘to share’, desserts, and a signature sweet to finish, it all sounds more than tempting.
Think nibbles like rosemary and thyme focaccia with olive oil and sea salt or seaweed crackers with oyster emulsion, followed by starters of BBQ Hispi cabbage with romesco brown shrimp dressing and salted almonds, confit duck leg with savoury pancake, crispy rice and cucumber relish, and burrata with truffled honey, rocket and hazelnut pesto, grilled sourdough and pickled grapes.
Dark chocolate mousse, coffee caramel, hazelnut praline mousseline, vanilla ice cream. / Image: Kala Bistro
Roast rump of lamb, Shepherds pie, watercress and spinach purée. / image: Kala Bistro
For mains, choices include the aforementioned roasted rack of lamb to share with salad, lamb meatballs and gnocchi marinara, or for the couples that want their own dish, there’s roasted chicken breast, poached halibut loin, and pan-fried potato gnocchi.
And for pudding, Kala’s rhubarb and pistachio trifle is served with white chocolate and a lemon thyme cookie, whilst elsewhere on the menu you’ll find sour cherry bread and butter pudding with Maraschino and burnt toast icecream, and a blood orange choux bun filled with salted dark chocolate custard, vanilla cream and hazelnut brioche.
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Last but not least, you can also each enjoy a marshmallow Krispie to finish before heading home to enjoy a little naughty dessert of your own (or not, whatever floats your boat).
The Manchester restaurant serving up the ‘world’s hottest curry’ for just a few days
Danny Jones
City centre favourite Zouk is serving up ‘the world’s hottest curry’ again to celebrate National Chilli Day next week.
The popular tea bar and grill located on Chester Street just off Oxford Road is slap bang in the middle of student central and has hordes of patrons lining up day in, day out, to taste their incredible Indian and Pakistani cuisine.
Now, to celebrate every spicy-food lover’s favourite day, Zouk is putting on special, limited-time-only menu to cater to all you heat freaks and speaking collectively on The Manc‘s behalf (several of us having tried it), it’s no joke.
The World’s Hottest Curry will be available for five days from Monday 24 to Friday 28 February, with a challenge on Thursday 27 February with prizes to anyone who can finish the fiery karahi.
The dishes
When it came to coming up with the world’s hottest curry, Zouk didn’t have to look far for inspiration, they simply picked the world’s hottest chilli: the Carolina Reaper Chilli.
Combining the 1,569,000 Scoville scorcher of a chilli with their much-loved and already spicy chicken karahi and vegetable karahi recipes, they knew they were on a winner. You might have to sign a waiver to eat it but that’s all part of the fun, right?
Typically prepared in a wok and cooked over hot flames with tomatoes, ginger, garlic, peppercorns and cumin to create the sauce base, the karahi originates from the Northwest region of Pakistan and has a great flavour. Depending on how brave you’re feeling, you can have it as a kebab or a full curry.
Credit: Supplied
That being said, this version does contain dried Carolina Reapers so you might not taste much beyond the heat of the sun after a few seconds. While the chilli is deemed suitable for human consumption, even Zouk’s chefs have admitted to struggling with the dish. Gulp. So, what can you win?
The challenge and prizes
Us Brits love a good curry and we already know that plenty of you won’t be able to resist the urge to take on the Reaper Challenge simply out of pride, so we might as well just tell you what you’ll have to eat in order to win the prizes.
Here’s what’s up for grabs:
Finish the full Carolina Reaper Curry (either chicken or veg) in one sitting (max eating time 30 minutes and no helping from companions), Zouk will give you the meal for free.
PLUS, a £50 Zouk Gift Card so you can come back at a later date to try their full menu (including some less omg-spicy options).
You’ll also get a Zouk Ice Cream Sunday to help cool off afterwards. Trust us, you’ll need it.
Issuing a statement for National Chilli Day and the Reaper Challenge, owner Tayub Amjad said: “Our food is usually more about flavour than heat but it’s National Chilli Day, and we know our customers love this challenge.
“For those who complete the challenge, you still have chance to come back and dine on us at a future date, so you will still get to experience the real Zouk too.”
What you thinking, Manchester? Are you up for taking on the world’s hottest curry?
Prestwich pizzeria Dokes announces closure as neighbourhood goes through big changes
Daisy Jackson
One of Prestwich’s best-loved independent restaurants has announced the end of its current chapter, saying that it’s become too difficult to operate with tighter and tighter margins.
Dokes, a pizzeria that also served arguably the town’s best roast dinner, has said that it’s going to ‘have to call it a day’ after three years in the proudly independent neighbourhood.
The news comes just months after Rudy’s opened its first Prestwich restaurant just across the road from Dokes, though that of course may just be a coincidence…
The restaurant comes from the same team behind Elnecot in Ancoats, and opened in 2022, promising delicious pizzas made with (wherever possible) British ingredients.
In a statement issued today, chef and owner Michael Clay said that ‘it’s just not been possible for us to make the money required for the size of team needed to run as a pizza restaurant’.
He wrote: “We are a small restaurant and the margins that were there pre-Covid are not achievable anymore at this scale and only getting tighter month on month.”
He then teased that they would be keeping the Bury New Road site on, with plans to reopen as a new concept.
Prestwich has been growing in popularity in recent years, with a blossoming food and drink scene and healthily increasing house prices.
It’s on the precipice of a £100m overhaul too, which will see the Longfield Centre transformed and new facilities built near the tram stop, including a community hub, a new village square, a market hall, flexible retail and leisure spaces, landscaped outdoor and green spaces, a new travel hub off Fairfax Road and around 200 homes.
It’s always been a village packed with local small businesses until this year, when both Rudy’s and Gail’s opened up – prompting this heartfelt statement from another local indie.
Dokes’ full statement reads: “After nearly 3 years of trying our hardest, unfortunately we’re going to have to call it a day.
“Having originally taken on the premises in between the two lockdowns (remember them?!), we’ve been extremely proud of what we have achieved under sometimes unbelievably difficult circumstances. Our staff have been the cornerstone of this and we would like to thank them for all of their hard work. The feedback we have received over the past couple of years on their food, service and hospitality has been absolutely incredible and we are extremely grateful for the hard work they have put in and the commitment they have shown.
“We feel like we have created a product that you have absolutely loved and a space that you have enjoyed coming to and we now really feel like a part of the Prestwich community – and for that we can’t thank you enough! You came for the pizzas and stayed for the roasts and it’s been a lot of fun.
“Try as we might though, it’s just not been possible for us to make the money required for the size of team needed to run as a pizza restaurant. We are a small restaurant and the margins that were there pre-Covid are not achievable anymore at this scale and only getting tighter month on month.
“So it is with a heavy heart that we are closing the door on this chapter BUT…we aren’t going to be leaving you completely…
“We have plans for the place which we will be updating you about very soon so please watch this space for more details. We hope you’re going to love it.
“As Dokes, Sunday 9th March will be our final service so please come down over the next couple of weeks, grab a pizza or a roast and say hello. It would be lovely to see you all. Bookings are open and the cellar is stocked so lets fill the little place up and go out with a bang!
Georgina Pellant -
19th January 2023 
