Manchester restaurant creates cheeky £69 per head Valentine’s menu
Intimating its innocence in the joke, Kala replied with the haloed face of an angel - but let's be honest, there's no way they didn't do this on purpose.
Top Manchester bistro Kala has revealed its Valentine’s menu for 2023 and it’s equal parts naughty, raunchy, and (if you’re a little immature like us) downright funny.
No, we’re not referring to the chef’s dishes (although they do sound absolutely stunning). Rather, the thing that caught our eye was the price: with loved-up diners being charged exactly £69 per head to enjoy the romantic supper.
Surely someone’s got to be having a laugh on this one, and we’re absolutely cackling. Their followers clearly think it’s funny too, that is if the comments on the restaurant’s recent Instagram post are anything to go by.
Shared with the simple caption “Love is in the air. Valentine’s Day bookings now open”, the original menu post on the restaurant’s page makes no reference to the tongue-in-cheek price.
Mini doughnuts with dark chocolate sauce, honeycomb ice-cream and a nice slab of home made honeycomb. / Image: Kala Bistro
Chicken liver pate, farmer’s chutney and wholemeal sourdough toast – a Kala classic. / Image: Kala Bistro
However, fans were quick to pick up on it and quickly commented with a mixture of amusement and approval – with one person simply sending a trio of crying-laughing emojis, followed by a set of clapping hands.
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Intimating its innocence in the joke, Kala replied with the haloed face of an angel – but let’s be honest, there’s no way they didn’t do this on purpose.
After all, a quick look at the Valentine’s page on its website reveals this little nugget: “We always say people who love to eat are our kind of people, so HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY to all you lovers out there!”
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Read into that what you will.
The newly-revealed Valentine’s menu at Kala Bistro is priced at exactly £69 a head. / Image: Kala Bistro
One of Kala’s most recent specials, made with tuna tartare, pickled cucumber, sesame, and salt and vinegar crisps. / Image: Kala Bistro
As for the menu itself, for that £69 it offers some really good value with a total of five courses including bread and butter pudding with ‘burnt toast’ ice cream and a giant rack of lamb, salad, meatballs and gnocchi ‘to share’ as a main.
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With bread and snacks to be enjoyed before starters, followed by mains including a huge roasted lamb rack ‘to share’, desserts, and a signature sweet to finish, it all sounds more than tempting.
Think nibbles like rosemary and thyme focaccia with olive oil and sea salt or seaweed crackers with oyster emulsion, followed by starters of BBQ Hispi cabbage with romesco brown shrimp dressing and salted almonds, confit duck leg with savoury pancake, crispy rice and cucumber relish, and burrata with truffled honey, rocket and hazelnut pesto, grilled sourdough and pickled grapes.
Dark chocolate mousse, coffee caramel, hazelnut praline mousseline, vanilla ice cream. / Image: Kala Bistro
Roast rump of lamb, Shepherds pie, watercress and spinach purée. / image: Kala Bistro
For mains, choices include the aforementioned roasted rack of lamb to share with salad, lamb meatballs and gnocchi marinara, or for the couples that want their own dish, there’s roasted chicken breast, poached halibut loin, and pan-fried potato gnocchi.
And for pudding, Kala’s rhubarb and pistachio trifle is served with white chocolate and a lemon thyme cookie, whilst elsewhere on the menu you’ll find sour cherry bread and butter pudding with Maraschino and burnt toast icecream, and a blood orange choux bun filled with salted dark chocolate custard, vanilla cream and hazelnut brioche.
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Last but not least, you can also each enjoy a marshmallow Krispie to finish before heading home to enjoy a little naughty dessert of your own (or not, whatever floats your boat).
Inside Voyeur, a mysterious new post-punk 80s-inspired cocktail bar
Daisy Jackson
A brand new cocktail bar is set to open in Manchester this week, with dark and mysterious interiors, 80s inspiration, and a raunchy theme.
Voyeur is opening in the heart of the Northern Quarter, and here it’s all about modern drinks in a post-punk 80s setting.
The walls are decorated with beautiful voyeurism photography from the 80s, including artists like David Hockney, Nick Taggart, and Malerie Marder.
Even the menus celebrate the artistic side of voyeurism, with drinks presented within a book of photography.
Those drinks include creative twists on drinks dating back more than a century, from the Kaleidescope of Lies (a two-in one cocktail inspired by a pina colada, with a strawberry daiquiri foam top) to The Voyeur (made with coriander-infused tequila for a savoury punch).
There’ll be monthly themed specials, kicking off with The Breakfast Club, where seasonal drinks take inspiration from Lucky Charms cereal, chai latte and an acai bowl.
Cocktails inspired by The Breakfast Club at VoyeurCocktails at Voyeur in the Northern QuarterInside Voyeur, a new Manchester cocktail barInside Voyeur, a new Manchester cocktail barVoyeur on Oldham StreetThe cocktail menu is presented as a photography book
The dark space is lit by marble table lamps and a glittering green disco ball (and not much else), perfect for an evening spent sipping cocktails into the early hours.
Between Thursdays and Sundays, Voyeur will have DJs spinning vinyls.
Voyeur is opening this week on Oldham Street and will be open from 5pm to 2am between Tuesday and Sunday.
A brand-new dessert, ice-cream and doughnut shop in a former Manc food spot
Thomas Melia
Sweet lovers and dessert connoisseurs alike, a brand-new dessert, ice-cream and doughnut shop is opening in Manchester city centre this month.
Titled ‘Baby Mayhem’, this sweet-filled shop has been teasing its arrival for the past month with videos showcasing everything from new instalments to their graffiti-style logo.
This brand-new opening will be located on Radium Street, not too far away from Chinese superstar Wing Yip and fellow sweet treat specialists, Flat Baker, right in the heart of Ancoats.
The interior has been given a very nice and bright facelift too, going from an all white four-walled site to a bold and distinctive baby pink-covered site.
Manchester seems to have quite the sweet tooth at the moment, as it was only last month that our Northern Quarter was christened by cake gods, Get Baked.
As for this new dessert shop, they’re starting from scratch, with a temporary wooden window frame with their branding spray-painted onto it fitted ahead of their soft launch later this week.
Baby Mayhem is taking up residence in the much-loved Lazy Tony’s Lasagneria shop, and it really is out with the old, in with the new, as the familiar neon ‘No Lasagne’ sign has been traded for a sweeter read of ‘Fresh Donuts’.
It may be Yank spelling, but this still feels Manc through and through.
Case and point: all their signage, stamps and stencils have been done by local laser cutting service and neighbours, Drawn By The Light – also on Radium Street.
Enough salt, let’s have a serious amount of sugar. (Credit: Baby Mayhem via Instagram)
Baby Mayhem are taking sweet treats to the complete extreme, serving up everyone’s beloved combo of coffees and cakes, while also creating our soon-to-be-favourite indulgence: doughnut sandwiches. 10/10, no notes – genius.
There really are no complaints here; what’s not to love?
Baby Mayhem is taking up residence in the former Lazy Tony’s site, 23 Radium Street in Ancoats, and will be serving up their sweet treats for all to try from this Saturday, 26 April.
Georgina Pellant -
19th January 2023 
