Marc White, manager of National League side Dorking Wanderers FC, has gone viral after his brutally honest and downright hilarious assessment of his team’s performance against Oldham Athletic.
Some top-notch casual cussing, here.
White was speaking to the club’s official YouTube channel after his side’s hefty 5-1 defeat to the Latics on Saturday, 7 January, and didn’t mince his words for one second.
Although David Unsworth’s team put on an impressive display, with striker Karl Mike Fondop Talom bagging a hattrick as the Greater Manchester outfit cruised to victory, the Dorking manager not only praised the opposition but also went fully in on his own players.
Here’s just a taste. Tell us how you really feel, Marc…
The 49-year-old coach and founder of the ever-ascending semi-pro team kicked off the no-nonsense appraisal of his team by breaking down things into the simplest terms possible: “Well, from our perspective, obviously sh*t.”
We appreciate your brevity, Marc.
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After making sure to thank the Dorking fans for their “loyalty” and for “getting behind the team”, as well as giving a “big thanks to the Oldham fans for getting piss wet through”, White wasted no time digging into his squad.
He summed up the root cause just as succinctly: “Oldham won 5-1 because we’re sh*t at defending”. Penny for the centre-half’s thoughts right now.
Here’s his rant in full.
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We counted at least six references to ‘sh*t’ and or ‘piss’. Just under one a minute.
As you can see, he also had very little time for the referees on the day, insisting that the “officials were so bad it was unbelievable.
“I’ve got to say, honestly, they should pack it in — literally pack in doing what they do”. He really wasn’t letting anyone off the hook.”
He went on to argue that the National League should get rid of what he perceived as an obstructive over-reliance on headsets, describing the refs as appalling and akin to “Domino’s drivers all talking to each other” to the point that the first official “can’t ref his own game anymore”.
While we can only sympathise with the Dorking players who are undoubtedly in for a rough week of training and equally hilarious bollockings, we’re just glad we got to better familiarise ourselves with a straight-talking manager as they’re an increasingly rare commodity these days.
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Sitting 16th in the standings, Dorking face Kidderminster Harriers in the FA Trophy on Saturday, 14 January and travel to 21st-placed Gateshead for their next league game next week.
Part-time or not, White and his men will no doubt be hoping to get back to winning ways against two very beatable prospects.
For now, you can watch the full Dorking vs Oldham highlights down below. We’re sure Oldham fans will be happy more than to.
Enzo Maresca to Manchester City: Ex-Chelsea coach looks set to replace Pep Guardiola
Danny Jones
Manchester City manager and club legend Pep Guardiola looks all set to leave the Etihad at the end of this season, and it appears that Enzo Maresca has already been identified as his replacement.
With the game-changing Catalan head coach now seemingly gearing up to leave Man City after a decade, following the conclusion of the 2025/26 Premier League campaign (which his side could very well still win), Blues are already getting ready to bid a bittersweet goodbye.
You won’t find many City supporters who will be happy to see him go, having overseen not only a period of dominance but the most successful period in their history – one that has quite literally changed English football – but they will at least be optimistic about the frontrunner to succeed him.
As per the ever-reliable Fabrizio Romano, among other sources, an agreement is said to have been reached for the Italian to take over in East Manchester.
🚨🔵 BREAKING: Enzo Maresca has a total verbal agreement with Manchester City, HERE WE GO!
The Italian manager has always been considered the ideal candidate to replace Pep Guardiola.
Deal in place and Maresca will sign an initial three year deal at #MCFC. 🇮🇹
Going so far as to state that the deal is now in place, he claims that Maresca will sign a three-year deal with Man City.
Obviously, this is all still pending an official announcement by the club, which may now be moving up their plans to confirm Pep’s departure since the news was first reported on Monday, 18 May.
According to The Athletic‘s Sam Lee, who was part of the outlet’s team that helped break the story alongside David Ornstein, the 46-year-old has been earmarked for the top job for more than half a decade, as it turns out.
He states that former City Football Group exec and director of football, Txiki Begiristain, already believed Maresca could follow in the Spaniard’s footseps back in 2020.
Yes, it’s also worth reminding that Maresca has already worked as part of the staff at the Etihad Campus, not only leading their Elite Development Squad (EDS) of U23s players, but also being part of the backroom staff alongside the serial winner, serving as an assistant coach in 2022.
Sources are telling Sky Sports News that Pep Guardiola is leaving Manchester City after Sunday's final Premier League game of the season 🔵
Preparations are underway for the outcome that Guardiola will leave – and Enzo Maresca is most likely to become his successor.
The 46-year-old has gone on to win the likes of the Championship, UEFA Conference League title and a FIFA Club World Cup in his last two jobs at Leicester and Chelsea, respectively, barring his very first stint at Parma in 2021 when he missed out getting his side promoted.
Safe to say that Maresca has quickly gone on to be one of the most promising managerial prospects in a relatively short space of time, and was even linked with being both the England boss and a rival position for Manchester United at one point or another.
It’s only a matter of time until we find out if/for how long he gets the job following Pep Guardiola’s contract expiring this summer, but he’ll have quite the job on
Would you be happy with the appointment, Blues? More crucially, perhaps, are you ready to say farewell to your greatest-ever manager?
Manchester Storm’s ‘own and loan’ scheme returns for 2026/27
Danny Jones
Manchester Storm have relaunched their much-loved ‘own and loan’ programme once again ahead of the 2026/27 season.
Having gone from a cult favourite option for die-hards to an increasingly popular choice among their growing number of supporters, it’s a great way for fans to get their hands on what could go on to be priceless collectables.
Set up over a decade and a half ago, the initiative has gone on to be replicated by multiple clubs in the Elite Ice Hockey League, across the country, and indeed beyond.
For anyone unclear on what exactly this scheme means for them, here’s all you need to know.
The own and loan sponsorship is essentially an opportunity not only to support the club and your favourite player, but to essentially reserve a valuable piece of match-worn memorabilia.
Put simply, fans can buy a squad member’s jersey and then loan it back to them for the season.
The shirt – be it home, away, created for cup tournaments or a special limited-edition sweater (of which MCR Storm have designed many over the years) – will then be worn throughout the course of the campaign before being given back to the owner, i.e. you.
Not just simply buying the shirt, but helping back the team’s talent, it’s one of the most direct ways people can contribute to the club.
The Greater Manchester side pioneered the push for this initiative here in the UK in the early 2010s, and with the local side now set to return to the AO Arena, where their journey began way back in 1995, you can expect plenty to mark the comeback with a special sponsored jersey.
Anyone who purchases an away strip will have their name featured throughout home games for the duration of the season – not a bad gift or way to secure a potential future collectors’ item.
You can see every player available to sponsor and find out all the information you need right HERE.
For regular matchgoers at the ‘Storm Shelter’, we’re sure it’ll be bittersweet to say goodbye to Planet Ice Altrincham, but just how excited are you about heading home to the AO Arena later this year?
Danny Jones -
9th January 2023 
