Marc White, manager of National League side Dorking Wanderers FC, has gone viral after his brutally honest and downright hilarious assessment of his team’s performance against Oldham Athletic.
Some top-notch casual cussing, here.
White was speaking to the club’s official YouTube channel after his side’s hefty 5-1 defeat to the Latics on Saturday, 7 January, and didn’t mince his words for one second.
Although David Unsworth’s team put on an impressive display, with striker Karl Mike Fondop Talom bagging a hattrick as the Greater Manchester outfit cruised to victory, the Dorking manager not only praised the opposition but also went fully in on his own players.
Here’s just a taste. Tell us how you really feel, Marc…
The 49-year-old coach and founder of the ever-ascending semi-pro team kicked off the no-nonsense appraisal of his team by breaking down things into the simplest terms possible: “Well, from our perspective, obviously sh*t.”
We appreciate your brevity, Marc.
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After making sure to thank the Dorking fans for their “loyalty” and for “getting behind the team”, as well as giving a “big thanks to the Oldham fans for getting piss wet through”, White wasted no time digging into his squad.
He summed up the root cause just as succinctly: “Oldham won 5-1 because we’re sh*t at defending”. Penny for the centre-half’s thoughts right now.
Here’s his rant in full.
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We counted at least six references to ‘sh*t’ and or ‘piss’. Just under one a minute.
As you can see, he also had very little time for the referees on the day, insisting that the “officials were so bad it was unbelievable.
“I’ve got to say, honestly, they should pack it in — literally pack in doing what they do”. He really wasn’t letting anyone off the hook.”
He went on to argue that the National League should get rid of what he perceived as an obstructive over-reliance on headsets, describing the refs as appalling and akin to “Domino’s drivers all talking to each other” to the point that the first official “can’t ref his own game anymore”.
While we can only sympathise with the Dorking players who are undoubtedly in for a rough week of training and equally hilarious bollockings, we’re just glad we got to better familiarise ourselves with a straight-talking manager as they’re an increasingly rare commodity these days.
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Sitting 16th in the standings, Dorking face Kidderminster Harriers in the FA Trophy on Saturday, 14 January and travel to 21st-placed Gateshead for their next league game next week.
Part-time or not, White and his men will no doubt be hoping to get back to winning ways against two very beatable prospects.
For now, you can watch the full Dorking vs Oldham highlights down below. We’re sure Oldham fans will be happy more than to.
Manchester City fan gets treble tattoo before Champions League final
Danny Jones
We’ve seen plenty of tattoos gone wrong down the years and even more football fans getting ahead themselves, but it must have taken a special kind of confidence for this Manchester City fan to get the treble tattooed on his body before the Champions League final has even been played.
Man City may have taken one step closer to matching historic rivals Manchester United‘s achievement of winning the treble in 1999, lifting their fifth Premier League title in six years and adding yet another FA Cup to their trophy cabinet, but there’s still one massive game they need to win before they can boast the same.
The Blues take on Inter Milan in the Champions League final — just the second in their history — this weekend and have only ever won one continental trophy by beating Polish side Górnik Zabrze in the European Cup Winners’ Cup back in 1970.
Nevertheless, after yet another stellar domestic season and with two-time UCL winner Pep Guardiola at the helm, most fans, rivals and neutrals alike all think this is the year they’re going to lift their first Champions League — in fact, this man is certain of it.
The diehard City fan, simply known as Stuart on TikTok, shared multiple clips on his account on Tuesday, the first of which showed the treble tattoo in progress and has already had nearly 200,000 views in less than 24 hours.
Naturally, the comments underneath the videos are as you’d expect, with people remarking, “you’ve just made Inter win”, “he’s gonna regret that”, “RIP bro”, “pov: 2021” — the last CL final they qualified for and lost to Chelsea despite being heavy favourites — and so on.
However, responding to haters in the comments, Cityzen Stuart’s confidence looks to be unshakable, stating that it’s now “impossible” for them to lose and there’s “not a chance” Pep goes another yet without winning another Champions League.
Having already flown over to Turkey for the final in Istanbul this weekend, he shared a more recent video showing the tattoo in more detail, complete with full colour and shading.
Football fans are often superstitious (it’s such an unpredictable sport that it’s hard not to be) but it’s fair to say a lot of people are now worried he might have jinxed it, not to mention every single Red hoping that he has. For his sake, he better hope the footballing gods don’t take this kind of stuff into account.
In fact, this isn’t the first time a City fan has gotten a little bit ahead of themselves and put money and ink where their mouth is, as our minds immediately go back to 2009 and the time a supporter got a Champions League winners tattoo for the following 2010/2011 season.
This year’s final kicks off at 8pm on Saturday, 10 June and City fans everywhere will be hoping to Pep and co. lift the Champions League trophy in the club’s history and win a historic treble in the process.
They are already going to go down as one of the best squads ever assembled but, for many, this could see them held up there as the greatest of all time. The question is, can they take that final step?
Featured Image — @stuart1308 (via TikTok)/Comedy Central/UEFA
Sport
There’s a full day of FREE outdoor yoga classes happening in Manchester city centre this month
Emily Sergeant
There’s a full day of free yoga classes taking over an outdoor amphitheatre in heart of Manchester city centre in a couple of weeks time.
As a way of marking the summer solstice and welcoming in the new season, all while suitably-celebrating International Yoga Day at the same time, Manchester‘s famed ‘Yogathon’ is returning to Great Northern Warehouse later this month with a whole host of free outdoor yoga sessions, and it’s giving Mancs the chance to “get on the mat and work on the mind”.
Taking over the amphitheatre outside the historic city centre warehouse, you can join in with a full day of yoga classes led by award-winning instructors from The Life Centre from morning through to evening.
Early birds can kick-start the day with Sun Salutations from 7:30am, which is perfectly-timed as the sun rises over the city on the longest day of the year, while a lively functional flow class will follow as the ideal way to spend your lunch hour from 12:30-1:15pm.
You can then close out the day and unwind after work with a fun and friendly Vinyasa class from 5:15-6pm.
Yogathon 2023 is happening outside Great Northern Warehouse on Wednesday 21 June / Credit: Phil Tragen (via Great Northern)
Suitable for all ages and abilities to get involved with, each of the classes happening throughout the day are free of charge, and ultimately encourage Mancs to “treat your muscles and mind” and enjoy the physical and mental benefits of yoga in the great outdoors.
Yoga mats will be provided in the amphitheatre, but you should bring your own if you have one.
All proceeds from will go to Eat Well MCR to support people living in poverty across the city by delivering meals and providing much-needed respite during difficult times.
Yogathon 2023 is taking over the amphitheatre at Great Northern Warehouse, just off Deansgate in the heart of the city centre, on Wednesday 21 June from 7:30am right through to 6pm.
Danny Jones -
9th January 2023 
