Heinz has created its own Christmas dinner in a tin – and we don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Comprised of pigs in blankets, “big chunks” of turkey, Brussel sprouts, sage and onion stuffing, roast potatoes, red cabbage, gravy, and cranberry sauce, the company has – seemingly unironically – crammed one of the best meals of the year into a depressingly compact, 400g aluminum tin.
The canned Christmas dinner is being marketed by Heinz as an answer to the food shortages the UK is currently experiencing, with a brand spokesperson championing it “a winner”.
Listed for sale online only, it has been released as a limited edition of just 500 cans – with the company already hinting it could roll it out in greater numbers next year if it proves a hit with shoppers.
Given that it’s already sold out online since going live this morning, that may well end up being the case.
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Brand representative Anke Von Hanstein said: “It is made for those with a big love for hearty festive flavours and tastes just perfect with a slice of warm crusty bread.
“Any soup that includes pigs in blankets and roasties is a winner in our eyes.”
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Technically more of a soup than a proper Christmas dinner, the Christmas Dinner Big Soup is priced at £1.50 per can and contains two servings.
Its roll-out has definitely caused some amusement online, but it also points to a darker reality as Christmas approaches, living costs rise and the fear of empty shelves becomes a reality – with many supermarkets already using cardboard cutouts to conceal the numerous gaps caused by pandemic and Brexit-related shortages.
Of course, who knows – it could always catch on and the country could discard its beloved roast dinners in favour of a tin of canned soup. It seems like anything goes these days.
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It’s not the first time such an aberration to our favourite meal has appeared, either.
In 2013, Chris Godfrey developed a Christmas dinner in a can for GAME – a ‘nine-layer feast’ made especially for “gamers who can’t tear themselves away from their new games and consoles on Christmas Day.”
Starting with a scrambled egg and bacon layer for breakfast, it was followed by lunch (mincemeat pies, turkey and potatoes, gravy, bread sauce, cranberry sauce, Brussel sprouts or broccoli with stuffing, roast carrots and parsnips).
The can then ended with dessert, made up of a Christmas pudding and a custard layer.
The ‘Christmas tinner’ fast became a meme, even earning its own subreddit.
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One of the most famous memes read: “the thing about Britain is this could be a joke but it could also be real.”
Well, we’re certainly through the looking glass now.
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An old clip of Tyson Fury talking about Oleksandr Usyk has come back to haunt him – twice
Danny Jones
This weekend saw Oleksandr Usyk emerge victorious over Tyson Fury for a second time in less than a year as the Ukrainian won the highly-anticipated rematch on points, and now an old clip of the Manc fighter dismissing his opponent has resurfaced online. Again.
Oh, the irony…
After losing following a split decision for what was his first career defeat back in May, Fury lost following a unanimous decision this time around and while some have questioned the scorecards (as tends to happen with these things), there can be no question over Usyk’s dominance now.
However, rewind to a few years ago before the 37-year-old had even won his first fight against Anthony Joshua and Fury’s naive not to mention controversial comments regarding the possibility of ‘giving’ him a fight look pretty silly now:
Tyson Fury a few years ago refusing to fight Usyk
“I want the big fights and that ain’t one of them. He’s a foreigner in a westernised world. The heavyweight champion should be from Britain or America and nowhere else.”
As you can see in the interview from 2020, the now 36-year-old Wythenshawe-born boxer was pretty dismissive about the prospect of fighting Usyk, who ultimately went on to become the first undisputed heavyweight champion since Lennox Lewis in 2000 following the first win over Fury.
Despite already having an Olympic gold, multiple cruiserweight titles and an undefeated record to his name, Usyk had only fought and won two heavyweight bouts at this point, which is perhaps why ‘The Gypsy King’ felt comfortable downplaying his potential back then.
However, although Usyk had a comfortable division debut against Chazz Witherspoon in 2019, he also went on to best Fury’s familiar foe Derek Chisora – a man he’s beaten on three different times but maintains he admires both in terms of personality and ability – so there were signs of what was to come.
Moreover, not only was Tyson clearly foolish enough to underestimate him back then but the divisive and inflammatory nature of his remarks in this clip has been labelled ‘offensive’ and ‘xenophobic’ by many online, both at the time and after reappearing on social media once again.
Regardless, it seems that Usyk was just as unphased by his posturing then as he is now, coming out in the post-fight press conference to shrug off his trash-talking to reiterate his “respect” for someone who ultimately believes is “a good man”.
Nevertheless, Fury has now lost two him twice and still maintains he didn’t get the right decision on both occasions, dubbing this latest defeat “an early Christmas gift” for his opponent.
In the previous clash, the Greater Manchester athlete even claimed that fans and judges unfairly favoured him because of the war in Ukraine – a response which also received plenty of backlash.
You can hear how he believes he was ‘robbed’ along with his full reaction following the fight down below:
Featured Images — iFL TV/Sky Sports (screenshots via YouTube)
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A completely objective ranking of every Quality Street sweet
Gareth Lloyd
It’s Christmas Day and dinner is done.
Dad is sat there snoozing with his mouth ajar, a glass of red wine hanging loosely between his fingers. Mum is tapping away on her phone, probably doing some intel as to how her gifts went down with relatives. An aunt, uncle and or grandparent is propped up in the corner, frowning in confusion at the “rubbish” playing on the television.
The rest of you are eyeing up the purple tub of chocolates sitting on the dining room table. Dad’s spilled drink will wake him up at any moment. Mum has nearly finished finding out if her pressies were a success. And the aunt/uncle/grandparent will soon want a distraction from that “stupid” programme they can’t understand.
Someone is about to lift the lid off the Quality Street, and then it’s game time. With a belly already fit to burst, you need to choose wisely. Not all of these chocolates are created equal, after all.
For 85 years, ranking Quality Street has proven more problematic than naming a round piece of bread (is it a barm, bap, bun, breadcake cob, roll? One problem at a time…), but we reckon we’ve cracked it.
Here’s a definitive list that ought to put you in pole position during the annual Christmas Day race for the best chocolates in the tub.
11. Toffee Penny
Chowing down on a Toffee Penny is like listening to an elderly family member trying to read aloud a long joke from a Christmas cracker.
On and on it goes, getting more tedious and uncomfortable by the second, and just as you think it’s all over, you realise it’s only getting started.
Chewy, sickly and sticky, Toffee Pennies are always among the last choccies remaining in any depleted Quality Street box. And that’s no coincidence.
10. Toffee Finger
Toffee Fingers. Credit: The Manc Group
A little less chewy and a bit more flavoursome than the Penny, the Toffee Finger is a familiar and distinctive Quality Street staple… but it’s still not something to get particularly excited about.
Maybe one is fine when it’s getting late, the layers are thinning out and you’re left staring into that abyss of scrunched-up wrappers, but otherwise, you can do far better.
This is one of the few instances in life where you should not go for gold.
9. Coconut Eclair
Coconut eclairs. Credit: The Manc Group
It’s funny how some flavours have an incredible ability to get people riled up to the point of boiling hot anger. Take coriander, for instance – a herb despised so much that someone actually made a Facebook account titled ‘I Hate Coriander’ that has since grown into a community of a quarter of a million members. The page even sells merch nowadays.
Coconut is another ingredient that seems to stir up similar sensations in certain members of the population, and a lot of people find Quality Street’s blue-wrapped choccies borderline offensive as a result (the coconutty Bounty gets the same treatment when the Celebrations come out).
Indeed, in one YouGov poll, the Coconut Eclair ranked as the least popular variety of all.
As coconut fans, we’re actually ok with it, but we appreciate there’s no way to talk anyone into giving the Eclair a second chance. The hostility towards coconut is just too strong. The people who hate it, really hate it.
8. Fudge
Fudge. Credit: The Manc Group
Fudge’s are fine. Absolutely fine. It’s just that over the years, we might have had way too many of them.
Consumer group Which? conducted research into chocolate tubs that found that Fudges are the most common flavour in any typical Quality Street box – with an average of nine appearing amongst the multicoloured rubble.
That’s a lot of fudges. And whilst they might be pretty decent, it’s just like anything else: Too much of the same and it gets a bit… meh.
7. Orange Crunch
Orange Crunch. Credit: The Manc Group
The Orange Crunch boasts a nice blend of textures and to be fair, it’s pretty damn good.
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It’s got zest, it’s got bite, and it’s got a few very, very loyal fans – some of whom will shamelessly bat away the hands of others to snap up all the little orange hexagons from the moment the Quality Street is opened.
If there’s one going spare, it’s worth grabbing. Just make sure you don’t have any die-hard Orange Crunch fans in the house. Otherwise, Christmas could get ugly.
6. Milk Choc Block
Milk Choc Block. Credit: The Manc Group
The chocolate box equivalent of a Yorkie bar, the Milk Choc Block requires a bit of effort to actually eat – so it may not be the wisest choice immediately after a gluttonous Christmas dinner. But when things have settled and you’re finally sensing a bit of wiggle room, it’s worth plucking one of these dark green wrappers from the tub and getting stuck in.
These beasty blocks are a cracking accompaniment for your afternoon/evening cuppa, and whilst they can take a while to break down, they won’t lose their flavour.
A perfect option when you’re not feeling too adventurous.
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5 & 4. Strawberry Delight / Orange Creme
Strawberry and orange fruit cremes. Credit: The Manc Group
We’re into the upper echelons of the Quality Street rankings now, and whilst some will be loathed to admit it, the fruit cremes definitely belong towards the top end of the table.
Eating Strawberry Delights or Orange Cremes is like sipping a strong, exotic cocktail. The distinct flavour and strange texture takes you by surprise at first, and you can embrace or reject it. We recommend the former. Once you’ve had one or two and you’re on board, there’s no going back. You’ll realise just how good these things are.
We’re cheating here and ranking these two choccies side-by-side. They’re just too tough to set apart.
3. Caramel Swirl
Caramel swirl. Credit: The Manc Group
Caramel Swirls feel like the desserts of the aristocracy. The wrappers have the shimmering, royal quality of a Ferrero Roche – except the choccies have got a gooey, gold, rich, creamy centre to match.
Understandably, the Caramel Swirl can be a bit too much for some. But on a day when you want to indulge – there are few desserts more fitting.
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Take a couple and treat yourself. You got through 2024, for God’s sake. You’ve earned it.
2. Green Triangle
The Green Triangle. Credit: The Manc Group
The Green Triangle is the Tom Hanks of box chocolates: It’s been around forever and no matter what the setting, it will never let you down.
It’s reassuring, solid and reliable. It’s easy to love. And it makes ordinary movies more enjoyable than they should be.
Good old Green Triangle. Never change.
1. The Purple One
The Purple One. Credit: The Manc Group
All hail The Purple One. God tier chocolate. The biggest, most beloved, and indisputably the best.
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With handsome wrapping and delicious contents of milk chocolate, runny caramel and a crunchy hazelnut at its core, The Purple One appears on top of user polls time and time again. Because class is permanent.
As soon as you open that Quality Street box on Christmas Day, get looking immediately for that purple wrapper. They won’t last long.
Georgina Pellant -
1st November 2021 
