Gummy bears can be a top-tier sweet treat for all ages, but the bad reviews of these bulk packs on Amazon are enough to put anyone off.
The 1lb pack of Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears have some reviews that are so bad, they really do have to be seen to be believed and we’re honestly not exaggerating either.
They’re awful, but in the best way possible.
There’s so many hilariously bad reviews that are worth including here, but we’ve picked arguably the best (or should we say worst) one to share.
One very unsatisfied customer review reads: “I sit here writing this review at 4am from my porcelain throne, a fixture you will become all too familiar with if you chose to eat these cute little bears from the pits of hell.”
“I had to eat a pound of these little b****rds after Man City must’ve thought they were playing American football the other week, and lost to a team of Arsenal scrubs. They were a bit chewy but overall, appeared to be nothing more than your average gummy bears. After about 2 hours with little more than some mild stomach cramps, feeling like one would expect from eating a pound of any candy, I began to wonder if I’d gotten some duds.”
“Like the slow build-up of a Martin Scorsese film however, those bears were waiting for their baptism scene to destroy my insides.”
“It started with the cramping, very akin to doing 1,000 crunches and then being forced to hold the 1,001st crunch indefinitely. Then came the initial “run” which opened the proverbial flood gates. I’m over 30 and I’m beginning to wonder if these bears know that and want to send me back to the can for each year I’ve been on this earth to make me wonder why I’d ever been born.”
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It continues: “In between gastrointestinal bouts of pressure washing the inside of my toilet from my anus, I lay in bed feeling as if someone were to punch me in the stomach, I’d explode, turning the walls of my bedroom into a soiled Jackson Pollock rendition. To give you an idea, I’d spent $50 ordering a UFC pay-per-view only to willingly miss the last 2-3 fights on the main card because I didn’t want to stray too far from my master bathroom. Thankfully for me (and my marriage), fearing what might be coming, I convinced my wife to spend the evening at my sister-in-laws because trust me fellas, nothing will be gained from your significant other experiencing this with you.”
“I’m no longer in pain but am still having to make trips back to my master bath on a regular basis.”
“Eat these if you dare but be forewarned, they are not to be trifled with unless you want your toilet to be a staging ground for repeat fecal rehearsals of “The Red Wedding” from Game of Thrones.”
Well then – what can we say?
We can only hope this is just a one-off bad batch of gummy bears, although we can’t be too sure.
What we can be sure of though is that these reviews some of the best worst reviews we’ve seen in a long time, so if you want to have a read of the rest of them, and trust us, you absolutely should do, then head on over to the Amazon listing here.
You’ll also be pleased to know that the gummy bears are no longer in-stock too.
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A sneak peek at the first pour: Greater Manchester celebrates the return of Boddingtons
Danny Jones
Greater Manchester has every reason to drink and jubilate this Friday and toast the perfect excuse for an early dart as the first fresh pours in a new chapter for Boddingtons beer have been sunk.
And by’eck if ain’t still bloody gorgeous.
That’s right, in case you didn’t hear the latest news about ‘Cream of Manchester’, we can now officially and ever-so gladly confirm that Boddingtons Bitter is properly back on draught in the region.
With the iconic cask ale making a glorious return decades on from its glory days in the 1990s, the new and improved Boddies beer is flowing from the taps – just in time for the weekend, no less.
Yes, with local brewery and pub chain J.W. Lees taking over the manufacturing and distribution, leaving the Budweiser Group to take over the licensing, the updated recipe Boddingtons – which clocks in at a 4.0% ABV – is about to be rolled out across the 10 boroughs.
Better yet, with five native pubs having already reinstalled honey yellow and black pumps, and with Lees looking to deliver it to the ale-loving masses across the North West, this could be the biggest Manc comeback since, well, those two lads from Burnage…
Speaking of: we were invited along to Founder’s Hall on Albert Square (formerly Duttons and now home to every one of the brand’s beers, not to mention serving as a tribute to John Lees himself), for a special ceremony to celebrate the inaugural public pints of Boddies being poured.
Let’s just say we were honoured to be part of the grand resurrection.
Obviously, there have been some holdouts hanging onto the classic Mancunian brew, and we certainly had fun trying to track them down over the past couple of years, but we’re just glad we don’t have to do as much work to find one now.
Managing Director of JW Lees, William Lees-Jones, said on the relaunch: “When I joined JW Lees in 1994, Boddingtons was ‘The Cream of Manchester’ and we were in awe of their position in leading the cask beer revolution.
“We’re proud to bring it back home, starting with Founder’s Hall, and we’re planning to restore Boddington’s as one of the UK’s leading premium cask beers, particularly here in the North West.” Well said, sir.
Available from Founder’s Hall, The Black Friar in Salford, Stables Tavern; Sams Chop House, The Circus Tavern, Oxford Road Tap, Piccadilly Tap and Victoria Tap from today, as well as Corbières and Stockport pubs like The Crown and The White Lion, we can’t wait to see Boddingtons take over the nation.
In the meantime, why not look back at the storied history behind one of our finest exports?
Subway launches make-your-own jacket potato concept ‘Spudway’ across UK
Emily Sergeant
Subway is finally launching its viral make-your-own jacket potato concept ‘Spudway’ at all its restaurants in the UK.
That’s right – you can now walk into any Greater Manchester Subway and order a jacket potato instead of a sandwich, and you get to choose exactly what goes on top of it.
Britain has always been a nation of ‘jacket fanatics’, with almost half of Brits claiming the spud to be a British cultural icon, but according to new research by Subway, it’s been found that nearly a quarter (23%) of us have argued with family and friends over how to prepare or serve one.
So it’s fair to say that, yes, us Brits do love ourselves a jacket potato, and this is why ‘Spudway’ is launching nationwide.
The UK-wide rollout of Spudway comes after it was trailed in select sites earlier this year, and then proved so popular that the trail was extended to include more locations.
Now, those fluffy jacket potatoes are available everywhere.
You can choose topping options like the simple Cheese & Beans or Tuna Mayo, or you can opt for Subway specialities like Meatball Marinara, and Chicken Tikka, but the beauty of Spudaway is it’s all fully customisable.
This means you can pick, quite simply, from whatever you fancy at the protein and salad counters, and finish it with your choice of Subway’s wide selection of signature sauces.
“The nation’s love of Jacket Potatoes is unparalleled,” commented Cathy Goodwin, who is the Interim Director of Culinary & Innovation Subway EMEA.
Subway has finally launched its make-your-own jacket potato concept ‘Spudway’ all across the UK / Credit: Subway
“The enthusiasm we’ve seen on social media and the strong demand from our guests throughout the trial made it clear that Spudway deserved a permanent place on our menu.
“Made with British potatoes, Irish salted butter, a double portion of cheese, and fully customisable with any of our many toppings, Spudway is the perfect freshly-made, high-quality lunch choice.”
Spudway jacket potatoes are freshly baked in-store daily and can be enjoyed on their own, or as part of a meal deal – which includes a spud, drink, plus crisps or a cookie.
Emily Sergeant -
23rd July 2020 
