If you're a Northerner, you're born with a genetically imprinted acceptance that the North will always be better than the South.
It's as simple as that.
There’s just something about us Northerners that sets us apart from the riff raff down Sarf – we're much friendlier, more modest and we're f*cking hilarious to boot.
The South may be home to the nation’s capital, the big smoke, where the majority of the country’s wealth is, and the weather may be (much) better, but we’ve got a Greggs on every corner and much cheaper pints.
Below is a list of things that all lead to the same conclusion: The North trumps the South every time. So let's get into it...
1) Meals are called by their proper names
Breakfast means breakfast. This is the case all over the UK, but dinner is served around midday and tea is your evening meal. No ifs, no buts. Lunch is not a thing, and we're not having it.
To clarify, the three meals are breakfast, dinner and tea, in that order. I won't even get stared on 'supper'.
Do you need me to clarify one more time?
2) Our accents are class
Obviously, the Mancunian accent comes out on top, with every other Northern accent below it... and below those? Anything that doesn't involve apples and pears, proper pronunciation and the 'Queen's English'.
Give me some sultry Northern tones over a condescending, posh accent any day of the week.
3) We can drink, lots
Alright, the UK's drinking habits are nothing to be proud of. Compared to other countries we're a laughing stock – and rightly so.
But us Northerners can hold our drink, and possess the ability to turn a quiet night out into a booze-fuelled marathon for the ages. No Southerner can handle a PROPER night out up Norf. I'm not having it.
It's God's liquid (sounds weird but I'm sticking with it), and the fact that they haven't properly embraced it down South makes me sick to my stomach.
5) We're a down to earth, friendly bunch
There's no doubt about it, Northerners are the friendliest people on the tiny little island that we call Great Britain.
Spend five minutes in central London and you've already been bumped into several times by people who look at you like you've spat on their nan.
Don't even bother asking a Southerner for directions, they have better things to do, but if you ask a Manc, they'll point you in the wrong direction before even considering saying no (I'm speaking from experience).
6) We make proper brews
A proper brew doesn't exist down South. That's all that needs to be said on this matter.
7) God's bakery
There is a branch of Greggs, also known as God's bakery, on every corner up North. In fact, many streets in the North East have three or four – so you can have a steak bake break after each shop.
Now, we know Greggs exists South of the border, but they're sparse, and no 'Greggs culture' exists down there. Which is fine with us. Because it's ours. Greggs is life.
8) The best bands come from the North
Oasis, The Beatles, The Smiths, The Stone Roses, The Chemical Brothers, Arctic Monkeys... F*ck, even Take That and Simply Red are better than the tripe that the South produces.