If there’s one thing all Mancs - and Northerners in general - can agree on, it’s that the North is much, much, much better than the South.
All agree? Good, now let’s get on with the article.
There’s something about Northerners that sets us apart from that rabble down South, we’re down-to-earth, funny and generally just know what’s what - and we’re modest to boot.
The South may be home to the nation’s capital (who’d want to go there anyway, though), the majority of the country’s wealth, hoarded away by Westminster, and slightly better weather, but we’ve got a Greggs on every corner and talk proper.
This list is definitely not comprehensive, more of a rough outline of all the things that make us, Mancs and Northerners, better.
Here we go:
1) We call meals by their proper names
Let’s start by reigniting this age-old debate, although it shouldn’t really be a debate as obviously we’re 100% correct and everyone else is wrong.
To clarify, the three meals are breakfast, dinner and tea, in that order.
Breakfast means breakfast, we can all agree on that. Dinner, served around midday and sometimes incorrectly referred to as ‘lunch’, is not tea. Tea might be a drink - we’ll get to that later - but it’s also the evening meal.
And don’t even get me started on wrong’uns who call the evening meal ‘supper’...
2) Talk with mint accents
Our accents are fucking mint and there’s no denying it.
Down South you’ve got two choices accent-wise, your standard posh one down in the Southeast, and your Bristol-esque, gurt lush farmer drawl in the Southwest.
Give me smooth Northern tones over an entitled, posh Southern accent any day of the week/month/year.
3) Can hold our drink
The whole of England loves a drink, we know that, but there’s only one area that can properly handle it - us, Mancs, and the NORTH.
We turn a night out in town into a booze-fuelled marathon that would see a Southerner asleep in a pool of their own vomit after the first hour.
Don’t think I need to elaborate on this one to be honest…
5) We’re genuinely friendly and welcoming
Up North we’re all dead sound, if you stop a Manc in town and ask for directions we’ll happily spend a few minutes pointing you in the right direction. We care and it shows.
Try that shit down South and get ready for icy stares from a local, bemused you’ve had the audacity to speak to them when they’re clearly SUPER BUSY.
Now, this generalisation may be more confined to London than the whole of the South, but yeah, Londoners are rude as fuck - and the tube is a living nightmare at rush hour.
Also, we always say cheers to the bus driver. It’s the least we can do for fuck’s sake...
6) Drink proper brews
We know how to make a proper brew up here, none of that milky crap served in ya mam’s finest china - real, strong, proper brews.
I also heard a rumour that everyone down South puts the milk in first and only leaves the tea bag in for 5 seconds.
And it might be controversial, but I agree with Liam Gallagher that Yorkshire Tea is the best tea going.
Come at me...
7) Double up on carbs at every opportunity
Chip butty, pie butty, pasta butty, butty butty with extra bread - you name it, we will encase it in bread and consume it.
There’s nowt wrong with extra carbs, we need the added calories to keep us warm during those cold winter months.
I remember talking to someone in London about how great chip butties are, only to receive a confused look and the reply, ‘but why would you have carbs with carbs!?’
Because we can, Tarquin, because we bloody can...
8) WE KNOW HOW TO HAVE A PARTEHHHH
It’s true, we do.
We’ve mastered the art of going for one pint after work on a Friday and not getting home until Sunday morning.
We can turn a quiet night in at our nan’s into an evening we’ll never forget - and don’t even try and tell me that you’ve ever had a better night out down South than up the North.
Facts are facts, r’kid...