In news we wish we never heard, 14% of people in the UK masturbate during work hours because we’re all animals at the end of day and some of us just can’t control our urges.
According to research carried out by Chemist4U, an estimated 7.4 million Brits have pleasured themselves during work hours. Working from home (WFH) has surely given that number a bit of bump.
The extrapolated figure are based of a survey of 2,000 people, with over a fifth of men (22%) fessing up and seven per cent of women admitting to having engaged in some cheeky alone time.
Additionally, 18% of those surveyed said they had watched porn while at work and London were found to be the most prone of any city to indulging themselves (16%).
Don’t make the joke, you’re better than that—Mancs are better than that, the numbers said so…
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On a more serious note, while the WFH culture that Covid spawned has no doubt made that an easier, we really don’t want to know how many do it while in the office (yes we do).
Incidentally, there was also a correlation between the highest-earners and those who masturbated the most, with 31% of those within the £35,001-£45,000 salary bracket admitting to regularly enjoying a bit of ‘me-time’.
Time isn’t the only thing on their hands, apparently.
We’re not pointing fingers – you know who you are – all we’re saying is pack it in and get back to work, ya cheeky sods.
Kendal Calling drops massive line-up for 2025 festival, including Courteeners and The Prodigy
Daisy Jackson
Kendal Calling has just revealed the line-up for its 2025 festival, as it gears up for its 20th year partying in the heart of the Lake District.
Courteeners, Fatboy Slim, The Prodigy and Kaiser Chiefs will all top the bill next summer, along with dozens more incredible acts.
The hallowed fields of Lowther Deer Park will be filled with brilliant live music, art installations and loads more between 31 July and 3 August.
Also on the bill will be Sophie Ellis-Bextor, The Last Dinner Party, Travis and The Wombats, plus Frank Turner & The Sleeping Souls, The K’s, Lottery Winners and Maximo Park,
Kendal Calling has confirmed that its 2025 edition will bring together more than 80 incredible acts to celebrate the festival’s 20th birthday.
A major headliner – especially for those of us in Manchester, will be Manc band Courteeners, who had an unforgettable debut at Kendal Calling back in 2019.
Kendal Calling 2025 line-up has been revealed. Credit: George HarrisonKendal Calling 2025 line-up has been revealed. Credit: Nat Argant
They’ll be back with their new album beside them, Pink Cactus Cafe, but are still to sure deliver a brilliantly nostalgic indie set of hits like Not Nineteen Forever and Are You In Love With A Notion.
Courteeners’ Frontman Liam Fray said: “Our set in 2019 was electric and was, so I’m told, one of the biggest singalongs Kendal Calling has ever witnessed.
“So it goes without saying that we can’t wait to get back on the main stage, playing to 40,000 of you lovely lot. And as if that wasn’t enough, we’ve got 20 years of Kendal to celebrate, too. It’s going to be massive.”
Also headlining Kendal Calling 2025 will be Fatboy Slim, a dancefloor pioneer behind songs like Praise You, Right Here, Right Now, and The Rockafeller Skank.
The festival will be gearing up for a rave too with The Prodigy also topping the bill – the Firestarter techno group are one of the most influential electro groups ever to emerge from the UK.
Kendal Calling 2025 line-up has been revealed. Credit: Jess Huxham
The Prodigy are continuing the legacy of Keith Flint, now driven by Howlett and longtime member Maxim, reigniting their longstanding and loyal fanbase and introducing their sound to fresh ears and audiences.
Leeds favourites Kaiser Chiefs will be delivering an anthemic indie rock set filled with crowd-pleasing hits like I Predict A Riot, Everyday I Love You Less and Less, and Ruby.
The Last Dinner Party will make their Kendal Calling debut in 2025, after being named BRITs Rising Star 2024 and scoring a #1 debut album with Prelude to Ecstasy.
Legendary Scottish rockers Travis are heading to Lowther Deer Park, ready to perform anthems like Why Does It Always Rain on Me?, plus very special guest and long-time part of the Kendal family, Frank Turner & The Sleeping Souls who’ll bring folk-punk charm to the stage.
Frank Turner said: “I first played Kendal Calling all the way back in 2009, and they’ve had me back five times since, and now again for 2025, so I think they must like me.
“Which is a relief, because I bloody love them; the quintessential independent UK festival, great vibes, great people, great music, year after year. I’m beyond flattered to be there for the 20th instalment; long may they reign.”
Kendal Calling is back in the Lake District for 2025. Credit: George Harrison
Queen of the dance floor Sophie Ellis-Bextor is heading to Kendal Calling, plus Skindred with their reggae-metal sound, indie favourites Maximo Park, Wigan legends The Lottery Winners, indie icons Scouting For Girls, and soul queen Corinne Bailey Rae.
On the comedy front, Jason Manford will be delivering a side-splitting set.
The so-far-announced Kendal Calling 2025 line-up also features The K’s, Reverend & The Makers, The Pigeon Detectives, Daniel Bedingfield, Pixie Lott, Tim Burgess with the Royal Northern College of Music Orchestra, Inspiral Carpets Alfie Templeman, The Big Moon, The Royston Club, Nieve Ella, Lindisfarne, The Skints, and Sports Team.
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And Kendal Calling’s late-night offerings will keep attendees grooving until the early hours. Mr Scruff promises to take fans on a journey of his genre-blending mixes, dynamic mashups from DJ Yoda and the freshest live dance from local act Lowes.
Thom Rylance of The Lottery Winners said: “Kendal Calling was our first proper festival, many years ago. And I think we’ve played it every year since. Except maybe one year, and I’m sure everybody said that was the worst year in history.
“I’ve had some of my most emotionally overwhelming moments of pride on stages in that field. Core memories I’ll never forget. The first festival that ever took a chance on our band, for that we’re forever grateful. Weird to say a festival feels like a homecoming show, I know, but it really does.”
The Streets at last year’s Kendal Calling. Credit: Nat Argent
Scouting For Girls said: “We’re absolutely buzzing to be asked back to Kendal Calling for their 20th anniversary. The crowds are always insane! Plus we are a band who love any excuse for a party so we’ll be bringing out all our big hits when we get onstage. A beautiful festival in a stunning location with a wonderful crowd – Cannot wait!!!!”
Andy Smith, Kendal Calling co-founder said: “I can’t quite believe that we’re about to celebrate twenty years of Kendal Calling.
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“From humble beginnings welcoming 900 party goers to Kendal’s Abbot Hall, to an astonishing 40,000 of you who turn out every year to revel in the sheer joy and excitement of the perfect party, a glorious gathering in the fields of Lowther Deer Park – wow.
“Reflecting on the journey so far, the moments made and the community created, it really is quite emotional and remarkably special. It’s also the perfect excuse for our biggest party to date! Let’s come together to celebrate 20 marvellous years, joined by headliners Courteeners, Fatboy Slim, The Prodigy, Kaiser Chiefs and so many more.
“These are some of my favourite acts ever and I was thinking just last night, it might be Halloween but it feels like Christmas! I’m so excited to see you all next summer in the place we love to call home – the fields.”
Tickets for Kendal Calling are already on sale now, with more than 70% of tickets already sold. You can sign up to the pre-sale HERE.
The full line up (with more to come) for Kendal Calling 2025 can be found HERE.
Northern Rail confess that they still use fax machines to contact train crews
Danny Jones
In a quite staggering moment for the public transport sector, Northern Rail has confessed that it still uses fax machines to communicate with train crews across the network.
Nope, not an April Fool’s but, rather fittingly, it is Halloween and this is pretty scary stuff to hear in 2024.
Yes, as unbelievable as it might sound, part of the reason that Northern trains have been so poorly run in recent years, leading Greater Manchester’s Mayor Andy Burnham to call an emergency meeting this past Wednesday, is because they still rely on faxes to communicate between train crews.
The alarming revelation was made public after the transcript from Burnham’s and the Northern mayors’ meeting with the Rail North Committee was shared online, in which one official said that many problems arise “because the tools we use to get information and messages to our crew rely on faxes, amazingly.”
Three decades of privatisation have left our water and rail industries in a sorry state.
A simply flabbergasting statement of admission from the rail network which had come under even more fire than ever of late following swathes of trains being cancelled across the region.
Burnham had already called out the company for delivering an “embarrassing” and “part-time service” but things have only got worse since he called the meeting itself.
On Thursday night, yet more trains were cancelled – some even mid-journey between the likes of Manchester and Sheffield, with passengers finding out before conductors in some instances (members of The Hoot and The Sheff team can vouch for that) – causing even more bedlam at the station boards.
Another local based in Gatley, Stockport who spoke to us following last night’s “laughable” service told us how they had to make alternative arrangements to get home after their next 10 trains were cancelled.
Naturally, the Bee Network pioneer wasted no time in calling for Chancellor Rachel Reeves and the Department for Transport to intervene as, at present, the state of trains in the North as a whole is simply untenable.
Please @AndyBurnhamGM would you ask about @northernassist staffing levels and recruitment as I’m concerned there simply isn’t enough staff to operate anywhere near the advertised timetable even if RDW is resolved.
It very much feels like an ‘if you don’t laugh you’ll cry situation’ but commuters have been stuck with these simply unnaceptbale conditions for far too long.
Other details from the meeting included that not only do Northern employees still train crew members to communicate over their rotas or to book time off via fax machines, but that despite assuring they want to get rid of them they state it can’t be simply replaced due to current reliance and union rules.
It’s claimed that the rail firm has so far been unable to successfully update the network-wide communication system because of the legacy agreements that remain between Northern train drivers and their union ASLEF (Associated Society of Locomotive Engineers and Firemen).
Elsewhere, with the Labour Party having announced a number of cuts, tax increases and other financial changes as part of their first budget in 14 years, Burnham has at least managed to secure Greater Manchester’s locally-controlled £2 bus fare while most of the country are set to lose it.
Danny Jones -
7th October 2022 
