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"That's barely f***ing toast for a start, more like oiled bread."...
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An inspiring story....
"This story has no teeth."...
The smash-hit ITV reality is show is back for its 9th series....
Fake tickets are rife - but here's what you ACTUALLY need to know....
Yes, the ones with the "enormous emissions"....
We love this city....
'Im too messed up now to type'...